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I'll listen to what she's listening to...

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So you're having sex. Usually it's sudden and furtive, the heat of the moment incinerating your civility as you chase that shining golden moment lying in puddles down the gutter.

But when you have a little more time to plan your coital rendezvous - what music should you listen to while you're having sex?

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Flickr: Julie Jordan Scott

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My definition of class is admittedly a little different from most. I like a good bottle of $15 Scotch, a pack of $5 cigars, and bars with fish trophies on the wall. While most people spent their 20s in dance clubs and "Irish" pubs, I gravitated toward the dive bar.

Dive bars show you a lot about life. You get to mix with the people...the drunken, oversexed people. And you're probably going to find more than one women-type who'll not only go shot for shot and then straight home with you -- but only if you do it right.

So here's how:

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imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

She likes you just the way you hang.

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It's one of the most sought-after solutions on the Internet and there are a myriad pills, shots, creams and creepy devices all claiming to provide the same result.

BIGGER PENIS.

Whether you want to admit it or not, penis size matters to many of us. Social constructions teach us that a thicker, longer penis is a more talented penis -- even though doctors warn us that our obsession with dick size is most often all in our heads.

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Xmybox

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Thanks to our main ho at TheJayFK for giving us a heads up on this legal brief. "Dial" F for fail!

A team of San Diego lawyers have filed a class action suit against Dial Corp. and its parent company, Germany-based Henkel, claiming that the company's Dial for Men Magnetic body wash does not live up to its marketing promise as a liquid chick magnet.

How could hapless consumers be hoodwinked into thinking a soap could actually help them score with the ladies? Because of the (pseudo) science behind the product's claims: Dial for Men Magnetic Moisture Rich and Clean-Rinsing labels describe the soaps as "pheromone-infused" and "attraction-enhancing."

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bk images / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

That thing is huge! (That's what she said.)

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Ever wanted to have sex on an airplane but found the idea of banging in a urine soaked bathroom and the possibility of going to jail a tad unpleasant?

Well, a delightful airline based in Cincinnati WANTS you to have sex on their plane. Flamingo Air, operated and co-owned by husband-and-wife team Dave MacDonald and Sharon McGee offers a 60-minute fuck flight for any horny couple that's got a spare $425.

What do you get (besides laid) you ask?

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Medical texts describe human males as having an X and a Y sex chromosome. Females have two Xs. Hanne Blank's partner has two Xs and a Y. Discovering that her partner had Klinefelter's Syndrome while visiting a fertility specialist, Blank gained a new perspective about her own sexuality and her love for a "man" who has at various times passed for a feminine gay man, a butch lesbian and a female-to-male transsexual.

In her new book, Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality, Blank explores the reasons behind the creation of the term "heterosexual," and how this word has changed our relationships and our world.

Your book seems to suggest that the naming of heterosexuality and homosexuality in 1868 was a negative thing, as it limited people to specific sexual identities. Given a choice, do you think people who identify as non-heterosexuals have more freedom to embrace their sexual identities today or before 1868?

The notion of a "sexual identity" is also a new thing, even newer than the words "homosexuality" and "heterosexuality." The idea that "homosexual" and "heterosexual" represent two possible options of some larger category of "sexual identity" is a twentieth-century conceit.

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Flickr/chadawg24

She's totally thinking about the thing you guys did in the shower that one time

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Valentine's Day isn't all about romance and hot sex; it's also about the skillful fantasizing of romance and hot sex. Many of us don't have a special someone (or main ho) with whom to spend/fuck this Hallmark holiday, which means Feb. 14 becomes a day for full-on, hardcore self-love.

And with that in mind, here are five "been there, done that" masturbation fantasies to pull from while you spend the most romantic day of the year with the one you love the most.

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http://www.zestra.com/

Oh good. Another one.

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Just when you thought the Kardashians have jumped, captured and eaten the shark, now Momma K wants to dive back into the promotion sea...and in between your legs.

Kris Jenner has become the spokesperson for Zestra, which is a new brand of female sexual enhancement lubricant goop.

What the fuck and why the hell is that you ask? Good questions. Let's break it down.

According to the company's website, Zestra is a safe, natural blend of botanical oils that's clinically proven to enhance sexual desire, arousal and satisfaction in 70 percent of women.

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Valentine's Day is here and if you're like most couples, you or your lover are scrambling for a dinner reservation somewhere -- anywhere-- about now.

If you get one, the odds of it being great are slim though. Restaurants are at their busiest, there are fixed menus that limit food options, multiple seating times that make the eatery rush you out, and often bitter servers that would much rather be with their boos than serving you.

We say save the money/headache and eat at home, but make it a more special and sensual experience than you could ever have going out.

Here are six ideas for getting freaky with food on Valentines Day.

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MXPPhoto.com

What country is SHE from?

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Valentine's Day celebrations are pretty straight-forward in the States. Guys get girls large bouquets of roses or (for the hipsters) free-range wildflowers that cost way too much and die way too soon.

Boxes of chocolates and other gooey and caloric treats are traded in exchange for some kind of physical fornication before both parties feel too fat to undress. And hundreds of dollars are spent at fancy dinners across the city as plates of deconstructed foie gras pancakes and other trendy molecular meals are passed from table to table.

And we assume there's some actual hugging and sharing of true feelings thrown in there...somewhere between unwrapping the chocolate-covered teddybear and the cheese course.

But what do our friends across the pond, over the sea, and around the bend do to show each other they feel warm and fuzzy? We found out.

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