Man Attempts to Transport Dildos Hidden in Sausage Meat

Robert Cochrane / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Just don't.

A man who purchased sausage from a German butcher shop was later detained by police after a shop assistant noticed the cylinders of pressed meat felt unusually heavy as he wrapped them up.

The customer had purchased two large Schwartenmagen sausages earlier that day, later returning to request that they both be wrapped up before a flight to Dubai the following day.

The shop clerk conceded, as anyone would, until he felt a significant weight discrepancy.

One slice revealed a solid latex dildo lying in greasy wait to be broken open and, presumably, inserted into an orifice not yet already stuffed with German sausage.

Police were called, as the clerk was probably stunned and definitely skeeved, but because no laws were broken the man (believed to be around 50 years old) was let go.

Officials merely suggested he should have used a different edible in which to hide his large fake phalluses -- because that's a logical and effective sound bite to offer the media.

"He could have used a loaf of bread," the spokesman said.

Yes, sir. That is true. Now we know for next time...because we all know there will be at least three more "next times" in Germany's future.