Everyone's favorite one-woman synth show Grimes has come out with a jewelry line that leaves not much left to the imagination.

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"It's like I can feel you..."

The strong and talented Mark Wahlberg, once known as the shirtless and muscular Marky Mark, was photographed running out of a Miami sex shop holding a fake fuckable vagina and extra-large set of anal beads.

SCORE.

Odds are he had some greater movie-related purpose for the purchase, but I prefer to assume that Wahlberg -- whom I'll refer to simply as Marky -- took a break from filming "Pain and Gain" with fellow meat head The Rock to pick up the rubber inflatable redhead and oversize bulbous butt plug for a cozy night in.

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Press play.

Movie sex scenes play a key role in the cinematic experience, especially those that make it into the spank bank for later use. But what happens when the fornication on film makes you want to cringe more than diddle yourself? Here are five of the most awkward sex scenes that have been burned into my retinas.

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Danielle Bacher

Interviewing Jack Grisham is always a trip. Now 50, the T.S.O.L. singer/political candidate/professional rabble-rouser has lived several lifetimes' worth of punk rock excess and insanity. Fortunately, he has thrown himself just as hard into sobriety and a committed relationship with fiancée Kate Kieve.

Last year, he released a semi-autobiographical novel entitled An American Demon: A Memoir, which touches on substance abuse, relationships, cross dressing and punk rock, and he recently recorded an album with new band the Manic Low.

At his home in Huntington Beach, Grisham (along with Kieve) shared some of his most personal anecdotes and feelings about sex, love, drugs and putting things back together after they all fall apart.

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Raquel Welch thinks some people have taken sexiness too far

Taking society's moral panic about our allegedly oversexed culture to stratospheric new heights, 71-year-old actress Raquel Welch recently told Men's Health magazine that everyone, everywhere these days is a sex-crazed maniac.

"I think we've gotten to the point in our culture where we're all sex addicts, literally," she said.

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With a handful of relationships and a lot of life experience under his belt, blogger/gossip entrepreneur/gay icon Perez Hilton is turning over a new leaf.

"I've officially become an old person. I'm turning 34, and I'm not clinging to my youth. I am embracing adulthood," he says.

In his world, "adulthood" entails being a kinder person, working out regularly, and not trying to be a slut (anymore). Is this fairly new, enlightened persona a permanent change, or will it disappear the next time Perez courts controversy? Only time (and web traffic) will tell.

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Jon Hamm as Don Draper in Mad Men, also Jon Hamm as Don Draper in our collective sexual fantasies

It's coming.

After a painfully long 17-month hiatus, the result of stalled contract negotiations between the network and series creator Matthew Weiner, Mad Men returns to AMC March 25.

These six sex scenes from the series' first four seasons should do well to incite excitement for season 5. No need to fight the urge to drink some scotch (neat pour, natch) while reading this -- and be sure to enjoy a cigarette afterward.

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Danielle Bacher

By age 22, music author/journalist Ethlie Ann Vare had slept with no less than 75 men, and she had already stopped counting. It was not the sex that meant anything to her; it was the feelings of love and desire, and of being loved and desired in return.

In the early-1980s, Vare was a writer at Billboard magazine working under rock editor Roman Kozak. She attended virtually every concert in town and met countless famous musicians.

She felt like the rock stars she covered and partied with would not be able to fill that void.

"It took me a really long time to understand that just because a man wants you doesn't mean he loves you," she admits. "As I learned over the years, men will fuck sheep. It really isn't an emotional connection for them, especially rock stars, but it was for me."

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Since Demi Moore's iconic 1991 Vanity Fair cover celebs have been taking advantage of the fact that Photoshop and airbrushing can make their pregnant bodies appear less deformed and baby-ravaged in publicity photos.

This is to -- presumably -- show us plebeians how in control and physically un-affected they are by their expanding wombs, yet another reason why they're better than regular people.

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Danielle Bacher

Susan Feniger (left) and Mary Sue Milliken (right) get down to business

Mary Sue Milliken and Susan Feniger have been at the forefront of the Los Angeles dining scene since the early-1980s. Between them, they own four restaurants, a food truck, a grab-and-go kiosk and a catering business.

The two have been featured on Food Network's Too Hot Tamales and Chef Hunter and Bravo's Top Chef Masters. Their influence is so strong that even I work at at one of their restaurants. Through this job, I came to know these two formidable women and hear about their fascinating and intertwining stories.

Feniger, a lesbian, was married for several years to a man: Josh Schweitzer, now Milliken's husband. Confused? So was I, until I sat down to listen to them share their sex and love lives with me at Border Grill Downtown L.A.

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