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You'd Be Smiling Too...

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Online dating factory Match.com has gone Kinsey with today's partial release of the results of their second annual Singles In America study.

This comprehensive survey of single men and women, (who, according to Match, make up a third of the adult population in the United States, so don't feel so bad about your solo ass), was done in association with biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher, sex and relationship therapist Dr. Laura Berman, and a few other science-type people with important sounding titles.

Among their findings:

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Feel Desain

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Irish artist Bryan McCormack has lined six floors of the tube-like staircase Centre Pompidou in Paris with 80,000 colored condoms.

Well, sort of.

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photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Be patient, dear. Just breathe.

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Yoga-loving women everywhere swear their twisting, bending and inverting is helping their sex lives. Sure, practicing those pelvic floor muscle exercises (kegels, ladies!) will certainly bring more attention to all that's going on around the root chakra, it's the in-class orgasm - aka the yogasm - that makes me want to try yoga in the studio.

It's all in the breathing and pulling up of the mula bandha - the yogi term for the pelvic floor muscles way deep down in the lower abs right about where your vulva is - that's got women discovering that yoga not only can bring bliss, but also orgasmic elation. More women are leaving yoga classes feeling something come out inside them, an orgasm that slips out with unexpected , yet appreciated, release.

While it may not be the most appropriate place to let one out, I would rather it be an orgasm than a fart. A yogasm would only really embarrass me if I was a scream queen (and I'm not) so I'm all for dealing with the kind of embarrassing that's not really embarrassing at all. It's the kind I can't wait to share with all my friends over spirulina smoothies.

So as I sit here typing in lotus position, waiting for my surprise orgasm to appear, and thinking it might just be easier with my vibrator, here are some other public places that make hands-free orgasm possible, with a lot of practice and some patience.

And in the meantime check out these top-rated yoga poses that make for some enlightened oral sex. Try them, I dare you.

Om...

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Man, times are changing. And I do mean man. It appears that the harder sex is kicking up their dusty heels and dropping their cargo pants to man up for the camera the way only a pin-up girl ever has. (Thanks Buzzfeed!)

"Men-ups" may sound like air fresheners for your car or soft drink for the testosterone challenged, but they're not. Men-ups are pin-ups featuring manly men in gender-defying poses, part of the vision of University of South Florida student Rion Sabean. He's been playing with gender and modern society's associations, slowly building his men-up empire to take over the world. [Insert diabolical laugh here.]

Can you hear the screams of glee from gay boys and women all over the world? No, neither can I, but still, you won't ever need "Sassy" and "Teen Beat" - if you can still find those glorious girly mags from back in the day, may they rest in peace. But today you can own a calendar of men posing in ways that neither of the two Cory's or Kirk ever did. (Don't get the references? Try a quick Google search.)

EDITOR'S NOTE: Ah, what we'd give to see one of our 90s heartthrob sweethearts (Luke Perry anyone?) pose in Carhart hot pants holding an axe.

It's hot to look at manly men lift, tuck and work it, really it is. There's something sexy about an effeminate man performing manly tasks (definitions of both can be blurry, I know).

He's got to have the testosterone jolt to keep me intrigued, but a guy who can get it on while still appreciate his dual nature is a hot-looking man indeed.

Here are five men-ups I'd like to tape to my locker:

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Eat it. You know you want to.

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Cunnilingus isn't brain science, but it isn't as easy as dumb luck either. Besides it being the most intimate of sex acts (I know it is for me), in order to really get a girl off you have to get her out of her brain.

Because until my brain is out of the picture, and just his tongue, chin, nose and fingers are, I can't fully enjoy myself - and I definitely won't have an orgasm.

I'm the kind of girl who loves good oral sex as long as it doesn't involve too much spit, or too little, and I will get off if I have a partner that doesn't have the expectation that he must dig his way to China in order to get me to come.

As a woman who has explored both men and women, I feel at an advantage knowing that I understand what it feels like to be licked, and I know where it can feel good to lap up another woman.

And while I can give some tips - upper left or upper right quadrant work wonders for most of us, or 2 or 10 o'clock if you think of the clit as a clock - I can't say there's one trick that works for every girl you'll ever go down on. I like circles and flicks, but some girls like side to side or up and down.

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I hear jokes about people pleasuring themselves with produce. People don't REALLY jerk/jill off with fruits and veggies...do they?

Just wondering, do the jokes start like this?

"A veggie walks into a vagina, and says, 'What's cooking?'"

OK, bad one, but I had to get it out.

Yes, people actually use cucumbers, carrots, zucchini and other long, hard veggies for insertion alone or with a partner – and I've even seen some of the coolest G-spot cucumbers while shopping the aisles of my local grocer.

Some guys even use melons, like honeydew and cantaloupe, to screw with. While the veggie can't, or won't consent, nobody is actually harmed in the making of masturbation with fruits and veggies, and the most unsafe time to use the veggie would be in the supermarket before you buy it.

If you're going to use a vegetable for masturbation, and want to keep it safe,  wash it off before you use it. Using a long veggie, one that would be inserted into the vagina should be covered with a condom for even safer sex, and this will also help avoid getting whatever was sprayed on said veggie up and in you.

You don't want to use a veggie in the backdoor, since what goes up the black hole of “ur”anus won't necessarily (or easily) come back down. But in the vagina, using a veggie once is safe enough.

I wouldn't peel said veggie though before use. And avoid bananas, as they're sweet and sugar can cause yeast infections up there.

The bonus about masturbating with veggies is that afterwards you can cut them up and make a satisfying meal, too.

As for the melons guys may use, I'm not sure I'd eat it afterwards, or at least I'd cut way around the hole they made for fornication, but again, it's not unsafe to try.

Just don't think his penis is going to pop the hole - cut a hole first, before he starts to screw with the fruit. And he can try a banana peel (sans banana) for a cool new masturbation sleeve too.

Check out "Getting Off: A Woman's Guide to Masturbation" for more jill-off tips!

Twitter.com/jamye.

Image: Simon Howden.

Dundee Photographics / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

She wants it. Give it to her.

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Pour me another glass of red-a-licious goodness, because it's time for a syrah-bration. What you're hearing right now (listen closely) is the party in my pants. Yep, it's time to beak out the bubbly, because according to an Italian study out of the "Journal of Sexual Medicine," sex goes better with wine.

The research, done out of the University of Florence in 2009 (because studies get better with age too), included interviews with 800 women between the ages of 21 and 69. Then the mostly white, 40ish women were split into three groups; each was determined by how much alcohol the women consumed.

The first group drank up to two glasses of wine per day. The second group consumed less than one glass of wine, or other alcohol, a day, and the third group? Let's say they wouldn't be the first girlfriends you'd invite to a weekend-long booze fest. In other words, teetotalers.

The study completely ignored women who drank more than two glasses of wine a day, calling them lushes! Winos! Or a combination of the two known as wino-licious slushy poos. In all actuality, what the researchers did say about those "more than two glasses" ladies was that they'd probably be too drunk to tell if they're orgasmically and organically aroused.

So, this is all exciting for those of us who like our wine, but not those of us who like to whine. However, it's not very exciting news for us who like to get drunk. And this got me thinking. What other foods are bad news when it comes getting aroused?

I'm talking about anti-aphrodisiacs - foods that leave you feeling full, bloated, stinky and otherwise not up for sexy time. The food, or drink, that makes you say no, you can't slip it in my ass tonight. A few thoughts after I pour myself a glass of wine.

......and I'm back.......

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Hi, Vag! How are you? Horny?

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When I think of douche I think of Michael Savage, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, Michele Bachmann. I mean, no one uses "Hey douchebag" as a term of endearment, or because you've done something intelligent and thoughtful, like cutting them off in your car at a green light.

Summer's Eve used to call its feminine hygiene products douches (they still have a few douches available at Amazon.com) but they got wise to the fact that douche is either a terrible idea or a bad person.

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Stockroom.com

She doesn't even know what's coming...

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I'm all for sex toys, especially since a vibrator brought me to my first orgasm, but that doesn't mean I'm for all sex toys. After spending a week floating between aisles of vibrating panties and erection creams at one of the year's biggest sex toy conventions, I've picked five of the hundreds (more like thousands) of sex toys with serious creep factor.

And while most of them are products I'd never use - for reasons such as: I physically can't; I don't want anything that glows anywhere near my vagina; They make me want to puke - let's just say I am a particular fan of the fingers. (You'll see why.)

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Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Gay? Straight? Bisexual? We hope you're ovulating.

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I know you're gay, but what am I?

Oh right, I'm a woman...ovulating.

Let's give it up for gaydar science and a study that uncovered this little nook of nature. The closer a woman gets to peak ovulation, the more intuitively she'll know whether the guy she's eyeing is gay, straight or gay for pay.

OK, not really gay for pay. But what I'm saying is that all she has to do is look at his face to figure out which team he plays for.

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