Happy Endings With The Suicide Girls

"More boobies, RIGHT NOW!" roared the crowd at the El Rey theatre as alternaporn starlets the Suicide Girls jiggled their pastied jubblies during the final show of their burlesque tour of the US.

Despite recent Suicide Girl defections (the girls apparently get paid peanuts per photo set while owners Sean and Missy Suicide rake in the cash from subscriptions) and a subsequent media backlash (read Kate Sullivan's story in this week's Weekly), on Saturday night the tattooed lovelies waved their boobs proudly in their air, like they just didn't care.

The crowd was an odd mix of metal geeks, pierced lesbians, and frat boys yelling "Go Reagan" (that's the tall, skinny blonde SG - go figure). The middle-aged perv quotient was worryingly high - I found a balding guy in a shiny shirt who was there because he likes "exotic, erotic chicks". Then he offered to buy me a drink. Er, no thanks. No sign of Courtney Love, once a member of the site.

As for the show itslef - think Jumbo's Clown Room minus the pole. Basically, good, unsophisticated fun but hardly Cirque de Soleil production values. Essentially it's just a bunch of young girls, some of whom have lots of tattoos (although the tattoo count was lower than I had expected) getting naked and making out with each other.

The sexiest moment was when small but perfectly-formed Chloe Suicide peeled off her Marilyn-style white silk dress to the sounds of Portishead's "Sour Times". Then an impressively limber SG got nasty with a can of whipped cream and some cherries. (Dessert, anyone?) Then they recreated the scene from Reservoir Dogs where Michael Madsen cuts off the cop's ear - except here the girls end up straddling each other and French kissing. Much more civilized.

But the question on every boy's (and girl's) mind is...are the Suicide Girls making out for real, or is it just for show? We cornered Chloe Suicide after the show and Style Councilor Steffie asked the burning question: "So you girls are all straight, right?". "Well...some people are just more open with their sexuality than others," said Chloe, adding "and we do have fun on the bus." Conversation over.

What was for real was when the bassist of Japanese headbanging pop grrrl trio Tsu Shi Ma Mi Re (they opened up for the SGs) broke down in tears during their set. She was sad because it was the last show of the tour, and started sobbing uncontrollably on stage. "Arigato Suicide Girls, arigato!" she sniffed. The audience loved it, as did the Suicide Girls who came out and gave her an enormous group hug. Awww...

A happy ending indeed.

(PS: The Tsu Shi girls are playing at King King in Hollywood tonight (Sunday). Well worth a look)

Posted by Caroline Ryder