My dad, fully aware that I have been traumatized since turning 30 last November, sent me these words of wisdom today. They reminded me just how fortunate I am to have been born in the pre-information technology era, back when cellphones were just a brick-like twinkle in some nerd's eye. 

You see, I was birthed in purer days, back when mothers smoked through their third trimester and children drank straight from the garden hose. According to my dad - a big fan of covering baby cribs in bright lead paint - those are the things (as well as heavy and unnecessary ecstasy consumption in the 1990s) that have made Gen Xers what we are today!

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE  1930's 40's, 50's,  60's and 70's !!

First, we survived being  born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.  
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get  tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright coloured  lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we  rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took  hitch-hiking .
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.  
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.  
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE  actually died from this.
We ate cakes, white bread and real butter and drank pop with sugar in it, but  we weren't overweight because......WE  WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back  when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down  the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the  bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem  .
We did not have Play stations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99  channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no  personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD  FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no  
lawsuits from these accidents  .
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us  forever.
We made up games with sticks and tennis  balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very  many eyes.
We rode bikes or  walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or  just yelled for them!
Football teams had trials and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to  learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard  of. They actually sided with the law!
This generation  has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors  ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.  
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned  
HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as  kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our  own good.
And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave  their parents were.

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Thank god for Andre Leon Talley. After enduring E!s super-geeky/freaky coverage of the Oscars red carpet last night, we switched over to ABC's own, and the Vogue columnist was definitely a breath of fresh air, talking fashion and film in a fabulous way that only a flamboyant gay man can.

Our only criticism. It looks like Talley was actually with Jennifer Hudson when she and Oscar de La Renta came up with that hideous Paliament/Funkadelic gold bolero jacket. Leon, ya had to know that thing wasn't chic, it was cheap.

Anyway, here's my picks for Best and Worst Dressed. I think the mainstream media actually kinda all agree this year, which probably means we're all being brainwashed by fashion magazines. Oh well, until another Cher comes around...

Best

Reese Witherspoon- Sexy mama!
Nicole Kidman- Like a big, gorgeous kitty cat.
Penelope Cruz- Princess and the P.
Helen Mirren- A royal babe.
Celene Dion- Made us green with envy.
Jennifer Lopez- Pretty, pregnant-looking, but pretty.

Worst

Meryl Streep- The devil should have worn Gucci!
Beyonce- Her mom's taste has rubbed off... too much.
Jennifer Hudson- Gichee Gichee ya ya da da...
Kirsten Dunst- Boooring!
Anne Hathaway- Doilees are not sexy.

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Come celebrate the happy, all-too-brief life of Arthur Magazine with
free giveaways and a reading featuring Molly Frances, Oliver Hall, and
Peter Relic.

Thursday, March 1, 7:30pm

Family Bookstore, 436 N. Fairfax Avenue (across the street from
Canter's Deli), Los Angeles, 90036.

They say dressing in black is not a
requirement!

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Red carpet watching was a little boring this year. I flipped back and forth between Joan and Melissa's coverage on the TV Guide channel and NBC's coverage. There were so many gorgeous dresses it made dishing difficult. The trend seemed to be dark jewel colors, favorites include Reese Witherspoon in a deep amthyest number, Isla Fisher in emerald green, and Helen Mirren who looked so good we said a toast to her boobs. Other trends included dresses with built in bling, like J.Lo's, Beyonce's and Rachel Weisz's gowns. And a nod to the 90s, a few acctress were wearing dark red Vamp -esque lipstick. But since it's more fun to talk about the misses than the hits, here you go...

J.Lo: She's a little behind on the whole goddess thing, but the Marchesa gown is really beautiful. What's the miss? Her husband. He looks ill and what was up with all that blinking. And is he thinner? I worry he has manorexia or maybe J.Lo drinks his blood on full moons.

Jessica Biel. She leveled the beauty field with this one, we should thank her. Pink and black? Hasn't she heard the 80s are dead. Her hair looks like it endured a bad Rite Aid dye job.

Jennifer Hudson: Patti LaBelle called she wants her jacket back.

I guess when you've won as many awards as Meryl Streep you can wear whatever the hell you want. Yeah, it's Prada, but...ugh. She looks less like the devil and more like Mrs. Doubtfire. What's that necklace? A prop from the Mummy II. Is it the key to her ageless beauty or to ward off J.Lo?

Kate Winslet let her daughter pick out the color of her dress. It kind of, er, paled in comparison to other stunning dresses we saw.

Gwenyth wins Most Improved hands-down. She looked very classic 40s Veronica Lake. Well done. And not one nasty comment about her breasts! yeah!

Cameron! Oh no! Come on lady, you gotta do a lot better than that! Is that a napkin? Your sateen bedsheets? When your ex is schtuping Scarlet Johanson, you gotta pull out the big guns, not the tablecloth.

Faye Dunaway looks like an Olsen twin. Mary-Kate? Ashley? Faye? I can't tell 'em apart.
We couldn't find any pics of Sally Kirkland who haunted the red carpet with a dress designed by a 20 year old rabbi. Randolph Duke called her "crazy" insisting "she's lost her mind." Melissa's side kick, Greg Proops, added that it was "The United Colors of Sally Kirkland" and called the getup a "malestrom."

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For once the ceremony itself outshone the brew-ha-ha outside. Ellen, who got our vote for the best host yet, did a bang-up job bringing a sense of earnestness to an awards show that sometimes takes itself too seriously. It was also the show of inspiring speeches, and seemed to highlight a growing respect for the craft of screenwriting.
Best Ellen Moment: when she just happened to have a script on her and handed it to Scorsese
Best Speech: Forrest Whitaker, followed by Morricone, Scorsese, Melissa Etheridge, then Helen Mirren. (I'd give a small shout out to Jennifer Hudson, who thanked her grandmother, since that always makes me cry, if I wasn't so pissed off about her winning. Really? A better performance than Cate Blanchet?)

Most curious moment: Did the screenwriter for The Departed really say, "Wow, Valium really works," then slurr his way through his acceptance speech?

Gore punked us with his bit hinting that he was announcing his bid to run for president. He nailed it. I was convinced he was going to do it. Well, he finally won something, his film An Inconvenient Truth won Best Documentary Feature. And if you have not seen this film, please go rent it asap.
It may have been the best Oscars yet, understated, and intelligent, unlike the Broadway over-the-top ceremonies of the past. Our group had a blast watching, thanks in part to Ellen, and in part to the Oscar-related drinking game the boys brought— you have to drink when a liberal makes a Bush joke, or when Meryl Streep looks bored, we drank often...

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I can take him on American Idol, but when E!'s golden boy gets on the red carpet the verbal diarhea is downright embarrasing. I'll take Isaac Mizahri feeling up starlets over Seacrest's creepy oggling and suggestive remarks any day. Well, actually maybe not. This shit is hilarious! Here's just a few of the comments Ry has made on E!'s Academy Awards pre-show so far today...
Is there a dirty side to Helen (Miren)? I bet she's naughty! -To Michael Sheen, who played Tony Blair in The Queen.
The most exclusive traffic jam in history! -describing a limo shot.
Is there too much self-importance at this event? - J-Lo and Marc Anthony.
What did you do today? Did you spa? Did you workout?- To Penelope Cruz.
It's like hottie after hottie!- as Jessica Biel approaches.
Aren't you dressing up as a woman soon? Tell me... I wanna know everything! -To John Travolta
I"m 5'9" and 140 lbs! -???

Ew, he just flashed his Calvins!

Back with more later.

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This just in: The Standard Downtown will be hosting Kitten Fashion Week, created by designer and publisher Mike Vensel to allow designers who don't have a budget to get to show their designs. I thought that's what Gen Art was for? Kitten Fashion Week, which gets its name from the magazine that Vensel not only publishes but is also Editor-in-chief,  will take a mix of brand spankin' new designers and more established ones to create 3 days of shows that they feel will make a welcome addition to Los Angeles Fashion Week. Designers showing include, Ziji (who showed at GenArt last season), Kevin Johnn, Kushcush (who showed at Smashbox)...and what's this? Mike Vensel? Yes, the creator, publisher, editor, renaissance man is also showing his own designs. Is this a case of  if-you-can't-join 'em-start-your-own? On first glance maybe, but in addition to generous support from sponsors Kitten will be SELLING tickets, $29.95 per show standing, $49.95 if you want a seat. PER SHOW. So maybe this is just a cash cow? The idea of selling to tickets to anyone who can afford to buy one, really diminishes the spirit of introducing budding designers. Who will they be introduced to? Rich bored wives of rich busy producers?  Smashbox is trying to change all that because it didn't work for them. And didn't LA's attempt to have two fashion weeks fail? How do they expect to compete? We're going to contact the folks at Kitten to find out. Stay tuned...
Posted by Linda Immediato

If you were planning on attending the Oscars screening at the W Hotel in Westwood, please note there's a time change. The publicist just informed there was a misprint on their invite, the event actually starts at 5 p.m.

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ARTHUR MAG IS DEAD. This on Pitchfork: 

Hippies, stoners, and folk freaks the world over wept today as it was announced that Arthur magazine will close its doors after five glorious years of delivering discourse and pretty pictures on art, music, and more to our marijuana-stained hands. As confirmed by editor Jay Babcock, Arthur will cease operations effective immediately.

Arthur, printed bi-monthly in oversize format and available free at the savvier venues, bookstores, and record shops near you, set up shop in October 2002. In addition to publishing articles, interviews, artwork, and more on/by Thurston Moore, Arthur C. Clarke, Spike Jonze, Devendra Banhart, Will Oldham, Joanna Newsom, Joe Strummer, and others-- and playing a vital role in the freak folk boom of a few years back-- Arthur also hosted/curated a number of festivals, including Arthur Nights in the magazine's home city of Los Angeles.
Visit Pitchfork.com for the full story.

Sad news indeed. But freak folksters needn't despair - they have the new issue of Radar Mag to console themselves with, complete with a rather interesting 'Toxic Bachelors' cover story featuring Colin Farrell in his underwear and tales of an impossibly lecherous James Woods (him, 59, her, 20). I also enjoyed the 'Socialites - They're Just Like Us' spread featuring rich bitch models hanging around bowling alleys in couture gowns. Because that's what common people do, right?

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After accidently standing up the two grande dames of the red carpet (on Valentine's Day no less!), I finally caught up with Melissa Rivers, who was shopping for powder at Sephora here in LA and Joan Rivers who was still in NY, to talk Oscars. I found out who they were looking forward to seeing, what trends we can expect and if they really like working with one another...

Style Council: What trends do you think we're going to see on the red carpet?