Here is some stuff you won't see at the Haunted Mansion's 40th Anniversary Merchandise Event. You won't see it because the event, though it is scheduled for September 9, 2009
(get it 09-09-09? The 999 happy souls?), is already sold out
. How? How is it possible? Last time I looked, it was only March. The dead travel fast, apparently.
At this event, if you are one of the lucky people who purchased the "Grinning Ghosts" package for $475, you will have the honor of forking over still more cash for a Tomb Sweet Tomb tapestry or Caretaker ink and watercolor sketch. Each item is limited edition, so people won't necessarily get their first choice. In the truest tradition of Disney, you pay for the privilege of getting in line to pay for stuff that memorializes all those times in the past you stood in line. I've often wanted to steal the items inside the Haunted Mansion and use them to decorate my own house. These are my top picks.
1. Haunted Mansion Chess Set -- $2,000
The pawns are tombstones. The rooks are mausoleums. The queen is a raven and the king is the Graveyard Caretaker. I like things to have functionality, and this chess set certainly fulfills that requirement.
2. Tabletop Clock--$250
It works...sort of. How does a 13-o'-clock clock manage to conform to a day that the rest of the planet chops up into 12-hour segments? I'm not sure. But if it came with an alarm, it would be almost perfect.
3. Tomb Sweet Tomb Tapestry -- $700
This piece is just sweet. It "will be replicated as close to the original as possible, using cross-stitch for the centerpiece and floral fabric for the background. The center will be stuffed slightly giving it a quilted look."
4. Coffin -- $75
This is just a concept illustration, but the genuine article will be made of resin and metal. I'm not sure if it'll be a box-type thing you can put trinkets in, or if it's just a display item.
5. Attic Bride Charm Bracelet -- $175
Loving the little hatchet axe thingies and the hearts. Will it turn your sweetheart's wrist green? If so, that's even better.
6. Griffin Bookends -- $95
Bookends are always useful. This hefty guy seems like he might actually be able to hold up a decent number of books.
7. Dessert Plates, Set of 4 -- $85
Inspired by the dinner plates in the ballroom scene. You gotta wonder about the people who come up with the merchandise plans. Why not do an entire dinner service set? Dinner plates, cups, saucers, salad plates, the works?
I can't tell from the concept illustration, but it better have space to put actual candles in it. They're making it out of resin, though, which does not bode well in terms of flammability.
9. Serpent Door Handle Walking Stick -- $295
This one is inspired by the door handle in the Mansion's hallway. I think Hugh Laurie should buy it and use it on House to smack patients around. Who smells crossover potential? I mean, it's already a serpent crawling around a stick, like the caduceus or rod of Asclepius medical symbol. If not Dr. House, then some other gimpy doctor should buy it.