Craft Gone Bad: Boob Scarves, Cat Ties & The Wrong Side of Cozy

Marian Lizzi is 41 years old and lives in Manhattan. By day she is Editor-in-Chief of the Perigee Books imprint at Penguin. By night she does "a bit of standup comedy" and explores the wide wrong world of bad craft on her blog Kraftomatic.

boob scarf.jpg
Boob Scarf anyone?
potato.jpg
The potato costume has eyes!
What's the single most horrific craft project you've ever seen?



It might have to be a tie between soaps shaped like buffalo wings and
crocheted spotted dick (British dessert pudding). Both are
 surprisingly realistic.



chicken soap2.jpg
Buffalo soap?

Are there certain genres of crafts that tend to engender more bad craft
 than others?


There do seem to be some trends. I've noticed a lot of soaps in 
strange shapes (in addition to the buffalo wings, I've found hot dogs, 
creme brulee, dentures, remote controls, etc).

denturesoap.jpg
Denture soap
The Japanese art of
 amigurumi (miniature crocheted or knitted figures with human faces)
 yields a lot of questionable projects -- things that are supposed to 
look cute but end up seeming random and strange (such as smiling tea
bags).
danielcraigusethisone.jpg
Daniel Craig frozen treats...stone cold Bond.

I've also discovered some trends that are evidently quite 
popular, though I'd never heard of them before -- such as fabric
 postcards and frighteningly lifelike baby dolls for grown-ups that are
 referred to as "reborns."
krafto_childbirth doll.jpg
Oh sweet Jesus.

One last trend: strange wedding-cake
 toppers. I had no idea that couples were commissioning their 
likenesses as reindeer, zombies, sock monkeys, gunslingers, hedgehogs, 
or rabid sports-team enthusiasts. Now I know.




lobsterbaby.jpg
bird beak.jpg
"I'm sorry if this is your father."
tortilla.jpg
Tortilla Jesus
Let's talk about cozies for a minute. Are there things that should just
 NOT be given a cozy?

I've been surprised and amused at the inventiveness of cozy 
enthusiasts out there. I figured I'd find lots of cellphone and iPod
cozies (and I have), but I never imagined things like lip-balm cozies,
 asthma-inhaler cozies, ice-cream-carton cozies, or apple sweaters. 


apple2.jpg
Seriously, people are knitting and crocheting (and buying) cozies for
 their fruit. I can't get over it. Last night I posted a bong cozy,
 which the crafter will customize for your...water pipe.



bong cozy2.jpg
coffee cozy.jpg
Coffee cup cozy overkill
Do you craft?

I like to buy old necklaces at thrift stores, take them apart, and
 restring them in new ways. I don't sell them -- they're just for me to 
make and wear.




pomchain.jpg
ghost cell.jpg
Ghost cellphone finger puppets made of felt.
tiny snail.jpg


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1 comments
jacquie_p2003
jacquie_p2003

Hi, wanted to thank you for the boobs scarf--When I was a young girl my Mom, Aunts (6) and dear Grandmother, Margaret Gibson-Sherman had a saying that my Mom and the girls passed on between themselves and later to us cousins--

Short story--when visting Grandmother--if you were good you got to sleep with Grandmom in her feather bed--well I finally won out--off to bed I went early and Grandmom came up later--I was still awake. Anyhoo, Grandmom took off her clothes in the dark by the light of the moon shinng through the small window--off came her dress and next a laced corset--to my surprise my Grandmom's boobs fell to her knees. The next morning I asked my Mom--what happened--why oh dear. Mom and Grandmon and Aunts shared the story with me at the tender age 7--it went like this--

 

" throw them over your shoulders girls we're going to war", thank you for the memory

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