Baby Carriages of the Damned: Kudos with the Child-Rearing, Cardboard Box Stroller Mother!

Categories: Art, Weird

They say that the first two months of a baby's life are the most critical in terms of their psychological development. Or maybe it was first two years. Whatever. In any case, wheeling them around in these strollers can't possibly be good.

1. The Baby Brain Car

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​ This baby is sitting in what would approximately be the frontal lobe of the hideous monster carriage. Note that there is no handle for the parent to push the carriage. Presumably, mom just kicks the thing forward. Or maybe the carriage runs independently on its own evil juices.

2. The Holocaust Mobile

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​Nothing says "love" like babies and thermonuclear weapons of mass destruction. Or actually, babies inside thermonuclear weapons of mass destruction.

3. The Serial Killer Special

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​On the plus side, it is stainless steel and thus waterproof and hypoallergenic. The various knives and swords and blades and sharp-edged accoutrements (is that a hammer?) deter overly friendly grandma-types who might otherwise be inclined to pinch your baby's cheeks. On the minus side...well, there is no minus side. Also great for future serial killers and ninjas.

4. The Batleth Bassinet

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​Endorsed by Klingons. Certified 100% safe by Satan.

5. The Toddler Terminator

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​Oh my gosh, it's totally weaponized! So cute!

6. The Coffin

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​There is a goth joke to be made here involving babies slitting their wrists, but that would be in poor taste. Babies, after all, are the anti-goth. Tell me that the person who owns this carriage (Morticia? Elvira?) rocks her baby to sleep with Bauhaus and Sisters of Mercy.

7. The Motorized Smart Baby Carriage...for Future Androids

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​This concept baby carriage automatically changes your baby's diaper, rocks them to sleep, gives them oxygen, and hermetically seals them away from germs. There is a port you can open for personal interaction with the baby, and temperature controls (is it just me, or are you thinking of convection ovens right now?). At a certain point, if it's gonna do all that, you have to wonder: Why even have a baby? This person's babysitter is either a robot or a computer named Hal.

8. The Cardboard Box

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​On the low-tech side, we have this: a cardboard box with wheels. Kudos with the child-rearing Cardboard Box Stroller Mother!

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