Pinterest Makes Me Feel Like I'm Bad at Being a Woman

This is Pinterest

Pinterest, much like the little black dress or the Birkin bag (depending on your tax bracket), has suddenly become the new must-have for women. It's the latest social media craze -- and it's blowing Google+ out of the water, despite, or perhaps because of, what some media outlets project is a user base that skews about three-quarters female.

I don't quite remember the first time I heard of Pinterest, which is most likely because it was mentioned alongside knitting or pickling or some such activity I only half pay attention to. But once it was on my radar, I quickly developed a bad case of "red car syndrome." Suddenly Pinterest was everywhere, in particular all over my Facebook minifeed next to pretty pictures of homemade fruit tarts and hand-crocheted sweaters. I'm no expert on crafting, but I do get excited about new technology. I signed up.

Eventually I got the gist, which is to create a virtual vision board made up of anything that strikes my fancy on the interwebs. I figured out how to add the "Pin It" button to my browser, which bookmarks the things I like and attaches them to one of my aptly named boards ("Hungry Eyes" for food, "Walk-in Closet" for cute clothes, and so on).

But the supposed joy of Pinterest really comes from window-shopping friends' boards and "repinning" their fabulous finds. My friends had so many, I quickly became preoccupied with filling up my white space. How shameful to have a vision board with no visions, after all.

This should be a splendid little activity, a way to nurture my inner creative goddess by discovering pieces of inspirational flair: recipes for charming home-baked minicakes and the perfect pie crust, instructions for canning and herb growing and making hanging flowerpots out of silk scraps and Wiffle balls, photos of the perfect curtains for my dream house, and patio furniture for the expansive lanai that will go with it. Images like these should excite me, motivate me, even. Certainly, they should make me feel good.

Instead, Pinterest makes me feel like a dejected loser.

See, I missed the memo that said we ladies are now expected not only to hold down jobs but also to knit, craft and bake from scratch again. Wasn't it just a few years ago that all signs pointed to rejection of these things? Too many Sex and the City reruns had me thinking it was still OK to use cake mixes and purchase my scarves, but Pinterest jolted me into the new reality, and apparently I have a lot of catching up to do.

The problem is, I'm not catching up. With Pinterest, I'm actually just amassing a huge to-do list that I'm unlikely to check a single item off of, ever. It's yet another layer of virtual ADD. "Ooh! I should totally craft those adorable tin can luminaries!" For about 10 minutes. Until, "I totally want to make that delish-looking guacamole salsa dip!"

To my Pinterest friends -- many of whom, by the very nature of social media, see the online me far more often than the physical one -- this recipe now represents me: I am a person who makes interesting dips. Except I don't, not yet, anyway. The reality is, I've never even made homemade salsa, much less guacamole, yet suddenly this image of a salsa-guac combo is a reflection of what I'm about? In that case, I'd better get on it.

My Pinterest boards have become the virtual equivalent of that pile of mail I keep meaning to go through yet haven't, so it just keeps growing and stressing me out. The more stuff I pin, the more I feel like a failure.

Of course I'm doing it wrong. Pinterest shouldn't be about curating the perfect Martha Stewart-approved page; it should be about sharing ideas with friends. Which sounds like a nice thing, except for that pesky phenomenon called correspondence bias. In terms of social media, that means we take the happy imagery plastered on our friends' profiles to be an accurate representation of their lives. It continually tricks us into thinking they've got it together. Our psyches tell us our friends really are making salsa-guac and minicakes and cute flowerpots. And that makes us feel like we suck -- because we're not.

If I were really being honest, I'd have just one Pinterest board: the "I'll Probably Never Buy/Use/Cook/Craft/Afford This, But I Like It Anyway!" kind. Something tells me that would bring down Pinterest's giddy vibe, though, so I play along.

I tell myself that recognizing the endless cycle of Pinterest envy is at least a step in the right direction. That is, until I see a pin with instructions on how to properly "style" a coffee table, and my palms sweat. Mine is strewn with old magazines, and I'm awful. It begins again.


Follow Ali Trachta on Twitter at @MySo_CalLife and for more arts news follow @LAWeeklyArts.
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21 comments
Ali Trachta
Ali Trachta

You have my word, I will not be suing Pinterest. Thanks for reading!

genevie daniels
genevie daniels

wow it was only a matter of time before a whiner like this would come along! trying to get some kind of case built for the chances of a lawsuit for emotional distress. ugh this is whats wrong! You care too much about what others think of you. it is a site to inspire others! think outside the box, creativity. not a popularity contest on who has the most likes, and blah blah blah. shut up and quit your damn whining. and by the way, if you feel guilty of not doing any of those things you repin then that's your laziness. 

meebits!
meebits!

I think I'm late to this party but I totally agree. I would like to add the list all the outfit combination idea pins and those DIY hair braiding tutorial ones too. Those make me feel like I'm just a slob. My outfits never look as good and those darn braids are intricate, who's braiding their hair like that and where do they live? Wherever it is they must be getting up at 4 am everyday to do their hair 'cause really some of those braids look like they take a lot more than 5 minutes which makes me feel like I'm just lazy for not getting up early and so on and so on... Then I just force myself to laugh it off because as you said, pictures are just tricks. And I try asking myself, what if I had been there while those pictures were being taken? Would a picture of the pretty picture being taken still look as pretty? Who knows. Probably not. I can't tell. I can only see one side. And then I think there should to be a Pinterest for ugly too. And that's when I remember the People of Walmart site and all is right with the world once again. I'm sure that if the People of Walmart were on Pinterest, they would look pretty too.

Oh and I'm pinning this.

Melysa Martinez
Melysa Martinez

Haha. Love this. Some of the comments tickle me. Sometimes people take writing so so so serious. It's meant to be serious, of course, but also funny. I appreciate your humor and the details regarding societal psychology and influence on us, not just as women, but as people. ("It's yet another layer of virtual ADD.") This also totally sold me on following you on Twitter. Haha. Thanks again for the good vibes and humor. :) 

Shannon
Shannon

Well written! Anyone who alleges that these sentiments are based simply on insecurities or competitiveness is defensive and short-sighted. It's a matter of personality. Many of us simply prefer to follow "envisioning" with action. We're practical and tend to only add to the "To Do" list what we feel we can actually accomplish. Sure, it's great to have a site like Pinterest to find ideas (especially specific ones.) But "pinning" four million ideas onto a semi-public vision board - with very little chance that any of them will come to fruition - just doesn't necessarily appeal to the most practical of us. Is it a nice place to get ideas? Yes. Do I plan to inhabit Pinterest with obsessive abandon? No. I have too much to do. Thanks for your refreshing insight.

wade
wade

Kudos, Ali, for writing this and for tolerating some of these crazy defensive comments. The most interesting thing about the pinterest model is that you don't even have the option to create a private board, which, if you're really trying to create a "vision board" for yourself, would seem only logical. If, however, you're trying to show off your vision board to others, then, yeah, pinterest is the place. We all look so amazing on our facebook/pinterest/tumblr profiles, don't we? Thanks for the great article.

Anna
Anna

Really?  That's what you get out of it? Carrie Bradshaw let you off the hook so you just want to keep it to your 140 character belches? As a designer and blogger and simply an internet absorber, I find Pinterest incredibly useful.  I have tried (and failed at) many sites, apps, and sticky notes to try and wrangle the beast that is the world-wide-web, so at some point I might find my way back to that *one thing* with relative ease and have had little luck.  Being a very visual person, sorting through a board of pictures is much easier for me than sorting through a list of web addresses, bookmarks (with names that, at the time seem relevant to whatever I am bookmarking, but later seem to make no sense), or endlessly google-ing whatever it was I was looking for.  I don't think Pinterest is meant to one-up your fellow lady, but a tool to organize what you want to do, buy, dress, make, share, etc. I am proud of what I do, buy, dress, and make so I am glad for the venue that Pinterest provides so I can show these things to like-minded people and create a symbiotic network of inspiration and information. Maybe once you learn to wear your grocery-store-cake pin with pride you will find it more useful.

Ali Trachta
Ali Trachta

I wouldn't exactly call the 800-word piece I just wrote a 140-character belch. I'm glad you're proud of the work you do. I am too.

Women's Wisdom Community
Women's Wisdom Community

I've never heard of Pinterest and have little extra time for keeping up with my friends, mail, & sewing pile as it is, so adding yet one more thing holds no interest for me.  I read your article with interest though as you shared a vulnerable piece of yourself, and I really appreciate that.  Thank you for a well written article with authentic insight into Ali as well as illuminating the differences that can occur between who we project ourself to be and who we actually are.  

Anna
Anna

Just a Twitter reference.  Sorry, not meant as a negative comment.

Ali Trachta
Ali Trachta

Thanks everyone for the feedback! I really appreciate it. And I know I'm doing it wrong. Still doesn't change how I feel. I'm just not very good at Pinterest. (Sigh - yet another thing.)

Ab
Ab

This article is nonsense. I use the board for tons of things, but non of them them include impressing my friends or creating an unrealistic "will never happen list". You clearly are missing the point and genius of this site.

Kelly Singleton Dalton
Kelly Singleton Dalton

Thank you, thank you, thank you.  I want to be your friend.  And eat cake with you.  Which we bought at the grocery store.

Ali Trachta
Ali Trachta

I loooove grocery store cake! The cheaper the better. We are friendship soulmates! And cake soulmates.

C
C

Don't let your own insecurities color your interpretation of what Pinterest is. Its an aspirational, creative, collection of personal likes which incidentally is shareable. Its meant to be a personal curation of what we like to do/eat/be/make/view and enjoy. I think your sense of competition stems from buying in to the LA-based sense of being in competition with everybody else. Forgettaboutit. If it makes you feel inferior, you're doing it wrong.

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Millerlucia49

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C
C

Oh, Dear Ali @MySo_CalLife:disqus "...except for that pesky phenomenon called correspondence bias...[which] means we take the happy imagery plastered on our friends' profiles to be an accurate representation of their lives."  – Ok, just stop it right there, Little Miss Ranty Rantasaurus. First of all, you need to dial it down about five notches and get over yourself. You're taking this way too seriously, and you've got a bad case of LA-itis, where everyone is obsessed with competing with each other, and now in your eyes, including in the world of Pinterest.  Newsflash: You've colored your interpretation of Pinterest with your own insecurities, added a catchy headline and you think you're done. Not so fast, girlie.  Now that you've done a great job describing what Pinterest is not, I'll help you understand what it is...Pinterest is a place of aspirational collections. Its what we want to do/make/eat/be if we could, can and will. Or maybe I feel like creating a collection of quotes I like, training exercises I like, pics of skinny girls or muscley guys, cool fashion, nifty gadgets - all because its what I like, and I want it there so I can refer to it from time to time, add to it, curate it, and coincidentally share it. Its personal and creative. Its fun and easy to use and downright addicting – the user experience is great and the theme/look and feel is already being replicated (i.e. ripped off) by multiple imitators (juxtapost.com, chill.com...). It also works well in iPhone and iPad, so you're never too far from pinning. Brands are now just learning how to leverage what is becoming a platform, as evidenced by Saveur's latest Pinterest contest. So, expect to see more about Pinterest than you ever thought possible, coming soon.See? Now don't you feel better both about yourself AND Pinterest? Life and technology are both better enjoyed when you don't take either too seriously. Maybe you're not cut out for this ever changing world of new technologies? Tech seems to get you all bunched up. Perhaps working in the analog world is more your speed. Just a thought... 

t_inca
t_inca

I totally disagree!  You're just not into the same things that your friends are-- cooking, crafting, whatever... So you can find other random users on there that seem to like the stuff you do.  (Yes, I will acknowledge that a lot of it IS cooking, DIY/crafts, beauty...)  But also, the point is not to just go around re-pinning-- you can also add to your boards from elsewhere on the internet, like from blogs you read, or other things you see that are of interest to you.  It could even just be an article that you want to go back and read later.  That's the point of it, ultimately. 

For me, I'm not creating boards for others to see, or to define myself in pictures; they are just for me to keep my thoughts organized.  I'm sure not everyone organizes their ideas in the same way, but this format is obviously catching on.  Sure, a lot of people like pinning fashion, cooking, etc, but who said those things make you good at 'being a woman'?  It's all what you make of it... I'm not so much defending Pinterest here... I just think it can only make you feel bad if you buy into those stereotypes. 

Alissakis
Alissakis

Finally. I just sighed a sigh of relief. I am not alone.

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