10 Things to Do in L.A. on Your Last Day on Earth
|Porchetta from Mozza -- the last sandwich you'll ever want to eat.|
Time for one last bite. Two words: Porchetta. Sandwich. Done and done. This needs no further explanation.
2. Get laid
Seriously, hours from now you're going to be running yourself exhausted trying to avoid Ahalpuh the Pus Demon and Ahaltocob the Stabbing Demon, so why waste your time on much else? Is it time to make woo upon a wildly attractive object of your desire -- maybe even a celebrity? Sadly, that's inherently flawed thinking. Flush that idea and go mediocre. Trade down, or at least sideways. The problem is that everyone and their cousin is going to be trying to trade up and good looking people will be in high demand. Why not get busy with some pedestrian piece in your final hours? Chances are you'll fare much better and have more fun. It's the end of the world for cripessakes, just get it done.
Protip: If you're going to find a celebrity that isn't holed up in a fancypants bunker, they'll be probably whooping it up at the Standard or Skybar or something. But, the best place in L.A. to find middling good, giving and game semi-lookers? USC. Hands down.
1. Get tranquil
Time's probably running out, so best make your way to Griffith Park Observatory -- the city's best vantage point. Popular wisdom says to bring some drugs of the fungal variety and enjoy the twinkly lights. If this were any normal Star Party or whatever, that wouldn't be so bad. This being the apocalypse -- get your hands on everything you can snort, huff, swallow or rectally absorb. It's going to look like Hieronymous Bosch's glue-induced nightmare out there pretty soon, so limber up.
See you all in Xibalba, jerks.