​(Note: An earlier version of this post said that parking at the Getty was free after 5 p.m. It used to be free, but is actually now $10, a new policy implemented in Nov. 2011)

Are you the person who secretly doesn't put down enough cash for the check, leaving all your friends to scramble to cover it?

Don't worry -- we feel your pain. (A little.)

The Cheap Bastard's Guide to Los Angeles, which I wrote, details endless free and inexpensive opportunities for things like theater, concerts, museums, wine tastings, yoga classes, haircuts and massages.

Here are ten cheap bastard things to do from the book:

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jgarbee

The Hot Pink Catwalk Entry at the Affordable Art Fair

​What a difference a few blocks make in the theory of relativity of art value. Yesterday, we went to the L.A. Art Show: Modern & Contemporary at the L.A. Convention Center and the Affordable Art Fair at the event deck at L.A. Live, both of which run through Sunday.

To test your eye for blue chip art, in the photos that follow, guess which are from the L.A. Art Show, and which are from the Affordable Art Fair "side" of downtown. We'll give you the show and sticker price afterwards. The prize? Imagine the gallery director resume potential. Right. Turn the page.

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Zach Dilgard

History Channel's Full Metal Jousting premieres on Feb. 12 at 10 p.m.

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"Why are cowboys cooler than knights?" Gary Kuchan asks himself, cradling the plastic pint of beer he's just picked up at a Honda Center concession stand. "Knights got their fair share of tail, don't get me wrong, but not like a cowboy."

Over ten thousand spectators clad in Wranglers and Stetsons like Kuchan found themselves at the Professional Bull Riders' (PBR) Anaheim Invitational last Saturday night pondering the difference, if there is one, between growing up wanting to be King Arthur and growing up wanting to be John Wayne. When the succession of scrappy men clinging to bucking bulls broke for intermission, two mounted knights in 85-pound suits of armor trotted out to demonstrate what some tout as the Next Big Thing in extreme sports: full-contact jousting.

"You wanna see two Canadians beat the living snot out of each other for your entertainment pleasure?" snarls former World Championship Jousting Association president Shane Adams, the burly, pony-tailed host of History's new reality show, Full Metal Jousting, which premieres Feb. 12. His friend Tim Tobey (aka Sir Timothy of Shrewsbury) and Tobey's 20-year-old son Aaron (aka Sir Lawrence of Essex) ease into position on their steeds, raise their 11-foot wooden lances and prepare to charge each other at 25 mph.

"Everybody wants to see someone get injured," PBR Arena crew member Seth Skurja says.

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Courtesy Gagosian Gallery

​"A polka-dot has the form of the sun, which is a symbol of the energy of the whole world and our living life, and also the form of the moon, which is calm. Round, soft, colorful, senseless and unknowing. Polka-dots become movement... Polka dots are a way to infinity." --Japanese polka dot artist, Yayoi Kusama

As British artist Damien Hirst unleashes more than 300 of his Dot artworks today, with simultaneous openings at 11 Gagosian galleries worldwide, including Gagosian Beverly Hills, we revisit the influence the humble polka dot has had on art, film, fashion and the universe.

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Dani Canto

Ry Cooder in concert, 2009

​The musician and songwriter Ry Cooder is lamenting lost Los Angeles.

"Local human experience isn't a thing you can commodify, if you follow what I'm saying," he says. "If you lived in Chavez Ravine or East L.A., it's not worth anything -- even though that was your store or your movie theater. Because a freeway went through there, or a shopping mall's there now. And every time that happens, it takes away the cellular memory of a community. And what do you have, then?"

We spoke with Cooder by phone last week, mostly about his new book of short fiction, Los Angeles Stories, which he's signing tomorrow at Vroman's in Pasadena, but also about how L.A.'s peculiar ills have influenced his work.

Cooder is no stranger to rescuing and preserving endangered corners of our culture. A four-time Grammy-winner, he scored filmmaker Wim Wenders' Paris, Texas and The End of Violence before collaborating with Wenders on the hit 1998 documentary and album project, The Buena Vista Social Club, which shined a light on virtuosic Cuban musicians previously unknown outside their own country.

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Photo by Carolyn Djanogly

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At the start of his first North American stand-up tour he's entitled Hello Ladies, Stephen Merchant -- the taller, less famous writing/directing partner of Ricky Gervais and co-creator of The Office -- shows a photo from The Guardian newspaper of him standing on stage behind Gervais at the 2004 Golden Globes, his head chopped off. Story of his life. The man may have changed the face of both British and American comedy, but at 6' 7'', Merchant still has to stoop his way through life and suffer other indignities, just like any average bloke, though they help fuel his self-deprecating humor, which you can see at Largo at the Coronet beginning Jan. 17.

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Courtesy Cabazon Dinosaurs

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With the temperature hovering around 65 degrees, it's safe to say it's officially winter here in L.A. And as the local climate gets cooler, the Coachella Valley is in its high season, in part because of almost-certain sunshine from December through May. But in recent years, Coachella has sadly become synonymous with just one thing: Coachella. The late-April hipster Mecca aside, we thought we'd give you 10 reasons to head east in the meantime, and not just to escape the so-called deep freeze.

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​For the past three years, Christwire.org creators Bryan Butvidas and Kirwin Watson have come off sounding like the bastard sons of Ted "Kill It and Grill It" Nugent with their right-wing rhetoric on gays, liberals and foreigners. Most followers eventually caught onto the joke, as did major media outlets, which outed the conservative Christian web site as pure satire in 2010.

By then, everyone from Howard Stern to Rachel Maddow to one of the blog's own contributors had been duped, not to mention countless readers who still send the boys daily death threats. (Anyone dumb enough to believe that there's a link between Thai food and homosexuality is ripe for the duping).

Now, Butvidas and Watson are spreading their faux gospel in a just-published book, The Christwire Handbook: Staying Saved in a Wicked World, a sort of bible for folks both in on, and way outside, the joke. They'll be signing the book Sunday at the Barnes and Noble in Santa Monica.

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A fully functioning hoverboard...y'know...for the kids

​Local memorabilia-selling powerhouse, Profiles in History did another one of their epic auctions this weekend at the Paley Media Center in Beverly Hills -- and the nerds cleaned house. Again.

Compared to Debbie Reynolds' series of show-stopping auctions this year, this one was a quiet affair...there was a maximum of thirty people (including Profiles' staff) in the room at any one time...at least on Friday...and we're not sure of the internet numbers. All we know is that we wanted to be there to get our hands on something cool and maybe snag a pair of Vincent Price's shoes as an X-Mas present for the classic movie lover in their lives.

While the auction, true to its "Icons of Hollywood" name, included a wide variety of items from all ages, genres, and importance of cinema history -- including some head-scratchers (Gidget Goes to Rome title art? WTF?). There were photos, storyboards, swords, costumes, cars, a few actual space suits, two hoverboards, and a partridge in a pear tree.

Sure, there were some ruby slippers that were in that one movie...and the dress to match...but the most interesting section of the auction auction block, and the most bizarrely completist, was the Back to the Future item block.

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Stephanie Carrie

Inside Darcy French-Myerson's fort

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A three-foot-wide dome of soft red fabric engulfs you. Kelp, still wet with sea water, dangles around the single light bulb hung to illuminate your palace. You pulse back and forth in your miniature rocking chair, breathing in brine and listening to waves breaking on the record player beside you.

No, you're not in Maui. You are in Darcy French-Myerson's fort, one of nine forts constructed as part of multimedia production company cARTel's event "FORT: Gallery. Playground. Party." cARTel brought this evening of whimsical, interactive fancy to life last night at the Angel City Brewing's warehouse as part of Downtown LA Art Walk. Angel City donated the space and sponsored the night with beer and wine and a portion of proceeds were donated to Schools on Wheels, a non-profit dedicated to enriching the education of homeless children.

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