Countdown To The End, Day Six: Disguise Your Pussy Iced-Tea Can With Four Loko Slip Cover
Though the weeklong countdown to the Four Loko funeral began just yesterday, scavengers have already raided L.A. liquor stores for every last Loke. (The little devil committed suicide in November under FDA intimidation.) And by scavengers, we may or may not mean us.
eBay Ta-dah! Instant crazy
So, unless you're willing to shell out $70 for a 12-pack of fruit punch flavor or unless you're us, you're going to need a way to convince your peers (and your shuddering withdrawals) that you have not made the terrible, terrible decision of giving up Four Loko for good.
We're here to show you how to fake it, courtesy of eBay. (At least Meg "Whore" Whitman did one thing right!)
The novelty item you need -- and it's ingenius, really -- is an aluminum slip, made from an empty Four Loko can, that can slide right over whatever 24 oz. "tall boy" you might be drinking at the time. No matter the can, we can assure you it is not as rad and/or respected as a Loko watermelon can, and will therefore invariably benefit from looking like one.
We don't know who you are, thepuzzledpanther, but we're so down with what you got. Check this winner of a product description:
Now you can drink an arizona iced tea, or a beer, but everyone will think you're losin' it on FOUR LOKO. Or maybe you're drinking JOOSE, but you want to represent FOUR. Make sure everyone knows you're on point. Piss your teachers off. Drink it at the skate park. Drink it at the mall. Show this off to people and become the popular funny person, or don't reveal the secret so everyone just thinks you're bad.
For all you baffled yet curious old people snooping the blog, when thepuzzledpanther says bad, he really means the grooviest guy in the room. Come to think of it, this eBay gem is custom-made for the geriatric Loko lovers among us: Earn points with the kids while avoiding a hallucinogenic heart attack!
One last gift from thepuzzledpanther. We're not sure whether these are real or fake (guess that's the beauty of the sell!), but we're in awe either way: