Janet Napolitano Urges You to Become a Terrorism Snitch at Staples Center: Profile Away

Front row, next to Jack Nicholson.

Ah, the terror-snitch ho-down has begun at Staples Center downtown, where U.S. Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano on Monday announced that the "If You See Something, Say Something" tip-off program has expanded there.

Any particular threat to Staples? "I would say no," she told reporters today.

But she does want you to report strange people anyway. Here's how this square dance works:

-Grab your partner / Go see the Lakers / Spot a terrorist / become a news-maker.

-Now the federal government / they don't like to profile / but you can do it - meanwhile!

-'Cause if you spot a turban / On a sports fan / All you have to do is point and shout, 'Radical Islam!'

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I see swarthy people.

The see-something-say-something program expands to all the venues run by Anschutz Entertainment Group, the owner of Staples. Those include:

-STAPLES Center, Nokia Theatre L.A. LIVE, Club Nokia , El Rey Theatre and L.A. LIVE in Los Angeles, Calif.;

-The Home Depot Center in Carson, Calif.;

-Best Buy Theater in New York City;

-Palladium Ballroom in Dallas, Texas;

-Verizon Theatre in Grand Prairie, Texas;

-Prudential Center in Newark, N.J.;

-FedEx Forum in Memphis, Tenn.; and

-Target Center in Minneapolis.

What's really cool is that the U.S. government wants to expand its snitching program to concert-goers too. So that, while you're rocking in the free world, or celebrating the PLUR (peace, love, unity and respect) of electronic dance music, you've got one eye on the dark guy.

"Expanding the 'If You See Something, Say Something' campaign to AEG's network of venues across the country is an important part of our efforts to engage the public and ensure the safety of players, fans and concertgoers," Napolitano states.

Napolitano told reporters, "We're asking the American people to be vigilant and to aid local law enforcement ... We see the value of this kind of public vigilance time and time again."

What are you looking for, specifically? Well, Homeland Security won't say. And that's the beauty of it.

Because the feds have said repeatedly that they don't profile. But you certainly can. And hey, that gives them cover: We were just checking out a report of suspicious activity, Mohammad.