Burning Man Festival a Source of STDs, 'Whore Women' And 'Semen Demons,' Says Christian Website

Robert Scales

Feel the burn.

Despite the iconic figure set afire each year in Nevada to celebrate L.A.'s favorite countercultural event, Burning Man, the event didn't get its name from the conflagration. Rather, it appears to come from the many cyber hippies there who point to their crotchal regions and declare, It's burning, man.

So suggests Christian website recently in a warning to followers that this event (it happens Aug. 29 through Sept. 5 this year) is for sinners.

Why do God-fearing warnings about the pitfalls of vice always make it sound so good? Read ChristWire's description of the burner scene:

Did you know there is a place in Las Vegas you can go to and burn Bibles while making sex sessions with random women dressed up like the Easter Bunny and little bubble bees?

Curious Josh

You clearly don't want to be here.

So, your first reaction, obviously, is, Where do I sign up?! Right? I mean, that's a better enticement than any stinky burner friend's invite to trip on acid and get dirty in the desert for eight days in a foul rental RV.

Anyway, ChristWire goes on to describe "meth laced lollipop lickers, dancing to Satanic drum beats, while semen demons and devil whores dance in sexual gyrations ... "

Again, is this a paid advertisement, or ...

The piece describes burners as "sex addicted homosexuals, ... clown dressed midgets" and "whore women."

(This is LA Weekly's core readership, BTW).

And so we get to the STDs. The party boasts "immature amounts of female nudity and exposed male sin snakes" that will soon "have your body riddled with illnesses."

So, again, that's Burning Man, Aug. 29 through Sept. 5, in the Black Rock desert. Get your tickets before they sell out.

[Alas ChristWire is a joke site. And it's LA Weekly's 'Best Comedy Blog'].

[@dennisjromero/djromero@laweekly.com]