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Alyssa Bereznak, Gizmodo Intern, Disses Magic: The Gathering, Feels Wrath of a Million Nerds

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iOC7B.jpg
Bereznak gets her own Magic card. No fair. (Click to enlarge.)
Update: Before their date, Magic champion Jon Finkel told Alyssa Bereznak he wanted to go out with her "because you're hot and I'm shallow."

Updated after the jump with Finkel's best responses during the official Reddit Q&A, and a couple obligatory edits to his Wikipedia page.

A dear friend of mine and former colleague at the UC San Diego Guardian -- Gizmodo intern Alyssa Bereznak -- is getting shit on from all directions today: Reddit. Canvas. Nerd Puddle. A bunch of other dork forums that I'm far too noob to know about. (So noob, in fact, that I still use noob.) Also, Australia.

In response to her August 29 post "My Brief OkCupid Affair With a World Champion Magic: The Gathering Player," in which she dumps a dude she meets on OkCupid because he's the world Magic champion, the Internet is SO HURT. And confused. What's so bad about dating a world Magic champion?

First things first. To Jon Finkel, the strapping pale lad in question:

I know I live in L.A., and you in New York Shitty, but would you consider dating me instead? (I'm really good at Skype.) In light of Alyssa's name-checking smear piece, I'm pretty sure your inbox is being inundated with love letters from hot Copper-Leaf Angel role players right now, but give me a chance. Them jaded NYC singles wouldn't know Prince Charming -- a champion at life, and love, not just Magic, I'm sure of it! -- if he slayed them a Thunder Dragon and lay it across their stoop. I, on the other hand, would be glad to let you Infiltrate my Shadowmage anytime. Or whatever.

alyssa bereznak.jpg
Alyssa's senior photo for the UCSD Guardian gets memed.
And just for the record, rest of you: This is a Gizmodo intern's dream. Girl just figured out how to bag 600,000+ page views with some simple anecdotal fluff -- she's well on her way to becoming Intern of the Month. (Also, this isn't the first time stupid boys have called her ugly/ruined her Google results because they were butthurt she didn't like them. Been there, over that.)

A contemporary of Alyssa's at Gawker recently chose, instead, to diss Californians, re: their "insufferable" reaction to the East Coast earthquake. The reaction was loud, but not like this. Apparently, the entire state of California is not as powerful, or omni-present, as the Magic community. And so we learn the lesson, once again: Nerdy white males run the Internet.

Calling a rape victim (or a sexual predator) "hot" is one thing. But no feminist war cry can rile up the same overreaction as a call to online gamers to defend their freakishly dexterous (in kind of a sad way, that will never really serve them in this equally sad mortal world) honor. That much is clear.

Only thing left on the troll meter is to achieve Christwire status.

And Alyssa. (I'd text you, but this is way more fun.) I'm not choosing sides, and this is obviously the question of the hour, but it's burning me up inside: What's wrong with Magic geeks? The bad-date story was funny and Gawkery, but where's the part where you say why it sucked, apart from the Magic thing? At least he's the kind of gamer that goes outside.

jonfinkel.JPG
Newsday via Washington Post
Jon Finkel.
Also, he obliterated my boyfriend -- and, I'm sure, the boyfriends of the world -- in an ultimate showdown of fantasy thumbwar. If that's not top bragging rights at the next UCSD Guardian reunion, I don't know what is.

Update: Forbes thinks Alyssa was trolling. (Duh.) From "The Science of Gawker's Nerd Baiting," more nerdy/outdated than a reigning Magic champ:

I think that Alyssa knew EXACTLY what she was doing when she wrote this post. It's the tried and true practice of online nerd-baiting in order to get traffic, and this, perhaps more than any other example, shows just how well it works.

People love to hate, and therefore writing a post trashing something people love, or stating an opinion that can so obviously be demolished is clearly bating for traffic. This is a practice I've seen across many of the Gawker sites before (Gizmodo being one of them), but this is a whole new level.

Writing a piece that even mentions Magic is going to bait nerds. Should Alyssa have shied from the topic just because some Forbes drip might suspect she's "selling her soul in order to bring in page views"?

Hell nah.

Furthermore, we're calling BS on this one: "I can safely say that Alyssa is riding a wave of nerd tears all the way to the bank after this post." Forbes writer Paul Tassi thinks she's "getting a fat bonus check at the end of the month."

Ha! Nope. Interns don't make shit. But thanks for making it painfully clear, Paul Tassi, that your piece on soulless nerd baiting is, in effect, a soulless nerd sympathizer written for page views. Next.

Update: For better or worse (probably better), Alyssa is moving out of her apartment today, and has no phone or Internet. Finkel, meanwhile, who wouldn't be caught without Internet in the height of the Rapture, appeased his drooling fans (and potential suitors -- guess the OkCupid quest worked out in the end!) with an official Q&A on Reddit this afternoon. (Or, in Reddit speak, IAMA.) Things I learned: People are seriously obsessed with this guy.

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107 comments
John D
John D

Remember, unattractive women are reporters for newspapers, blogs and radio.  HOT ones get to go on TV.  No surprise there.

John D
John D

Lets look at Alyssa Bereznak.  She's an unattractive, overweight horseface.  Methinks it is she who should've warned others about how physically repellent she is.  Coupled with her unintelligent, lame snarky attitude it's no wonder that she'll only be able to score with deaf guys at least 20 years her senior.  Oh, and she's a lousy writer. I'm not a nerd, like Jon Finkel, but having degrees in Engineering and Physics and being wealthy due to licensing my IP do make it easy to sniff out losers like her. She's a tool.

Vegas
Vegas

I just read Alyssa Bereznak's article on how Objectivism tore her family apart. I found it heart-breaking that her father was such a selfish prick. Ms. Bereznak is going to have a hard time relating to men for much of her life, if not all of it, if she doesn't get some counseling.The relationship between fathers and children is not appreciated in much of our culture, and when fathers fail to love their children properly it affects them for the rest of their lives.As someone who played MTG for 3-4 years and who bought the Finkel V.Garfield set, I was irritated by Alyssa. But, after reading the article and reflecting on her past, I just feel sorry for her. Maybe I'm getting soft in my dotage.

Keityheelkl
Keityheelkl

We hate her because she is SHALLOW AS FUCK. get a new friend.

Stormace
Stormace

I'd cop it from her if she was hot, but man... what a dog o be so stuck up.

BBJLOP
BBJLOP

This article may actually be the dumbest thing I've ever read.

perceptive
perceptive

Doesn't matter if she was trolling or not.  She may get temporary internet fame.  She will have *permanent* dating and relationship misery.  Any future romeo googling her will know she considers any perceived flaw fair game for internet posting, and will avoid her like the plague. 

So she gets 600,000 hits on a webpage for one brief moment in 2011...and a lifetime alone, with her cats.She loses.  

SquidEatinDough
SquidEatinDough

This article actually gives Gawker and Fox News a run for their money in the crap journalism department. Congrats, I guess.

Osu221217
Osu221217

Yawn. Thought Alyssa's article was shoddy enough, now we get to read an article attacking Internet users, written by someone who doesn't understand the online community, published online. I don't know anything about Magic, but I still view her article as what people refer to as a 'troll' attempt. Thus, that makes this article even more 'trollish', so do us a favor and don't ride someone else's wave of publicity; create your own. Oh, and calling out an entire city is not very classy either.

Sue
Sue

Nice Simone!

LOLwhatadouche.
LOLwhatadouche.

What's it like to be a complete retard?

Jon Finkel made over 300k playing Magic: The Gathering and then turned his card playing skills into several more large chunks of cash by playing Poker in Vegas on the pro circuit. He made enough money to start a successful hedge-fund and is basically a very successful and interesting self-starter. He's got tons of money, an interesting life story, and on top of that he's the fucking world champion of something. Looks like the only thing you're the world champion of is trying to nail some dumb broad who once worked in the same building as you.

I see what you're doing though, taking a page from Alyssa. Trying to make all the nerds come give your shitty article hits.

Is this what they teach you lazy journalism majors these days? Do you all aspire to nothing more than being top dog on a gossip blog? I figured you all dreamed of being Walter Cronkites  or Woodward and Bernsteins, apparently you just want to be petty 16 year old girls. It really is sad. Some people actually go to college to learn a real skill, like how to synthesize compounds in a laboratory or how to remove someone's lung without killing them. You apparently went to college to learn how to get attention on the internet and generally be a pain in the ass.

Good luck with your "Career." This speaks volumes about the sorry state of contemporary journalism and the apparent lack of talent circulating around the UC San Diego Guardian. 

Razztazz5
Razztazz5

Dime a dozen girl writing stupid shit!! She has not set herself apart from the normal horrible shallow livestyle most immature women live,she's jumped in cannonball style! If you wanna know how not to act in society, read her pieces. worthless trash!!

Holley
Holley

OH LAWD. You're both dumb, awful, stereotypical pieces of shit and I'm glad you don't like "nerds"/"dorks"/whatever you think is degrading enough to call them--you don't fucking deserve them. Or anyone, for that matter.

And DON'T BRING FEMINISM INTO THIS, you HORRIBLE ASS. Goddamnit, women like you set the rest of us back decades every time you open your stupid fucking mouths.

Flashlight_Antics
Flashlight_Antics

I like how people who aren't "nerdy" or "dorky" get on the internet (a supposed BEE'S NEST of "nerds" and "dorks") and rant about things that just prove to piss off the rest of humanity...like it completes them or something.

Welcome to the internet...where we nerds, geeks, dorks and other "outcasts" gather together in HOARDS and prove, once more, that it is those that look down on us like we're a social disease that are the true monsters of our society.

Think about this for a moment, children...if nerds, geeks and their ilk are more common in today's society...then are they truly a "minority"?

Comments like the ones made by Alyssa Bereznak are just another form of racism.

Oh, and bragging about this little bombshell as "a way to get a lot of page-views" is like bragging about getting on TV because you got arrested. It's stooping to level of journalism that gives proper journalists a bad name.

Bob Loblaw
Bob Loblaw

Nice Simone--use that fancy journalism degree to eloquently show that you are just about as vapid as Alyssa. I'll bet you two are fun at parties (eyes rolling). 

Simone Wilson
Simone Wilson

oh, you have no idea =)

John D
John D

Honey, volume of writing is not indicative of talent.  You have none.  2 extremely unattractive women at a party are only there for those men who have to "take one for the team". 

D.J. Garry Boldwater
D.J. Garry Boldwater

I'm not really offended by anything Alyssa wrote.  I grew up listening to the Dead Kennedys and the Sex Pistols, and I think we need MORE mocking of laughable people, not less.  Seriously, this guy is a hedge fund manager.  By definition, he has hurt more people than we or he truly now.  Parasites like that are what collapsed the world economy. 

However, neither Alyssa or Simone strike me as anything but Born Well Off - the kind of people who had special connections to get them into the right schools, and affluent parents who made sure they never had to know the real world.  Alyssa was raised to believe Ayn Rand was the wisest economist of the last 2000 years, so it's assured she was born and raised by a Rich Asshole.  I will give Alyssa credit for turning on her father and family for the Rand obsession.  I bet her dad is gonna vote for Bachmann or Perry in the primary.

Regardless, Alyssa and Simone's only crime is the constant use of unspecific pronouns.  Seriously, gals... you're getting published and you're still having issues with it?

Mr.Cali
Mr.Cali

I am a 26 yearl old finance manager, played football in high school, have had successful relationships with attractive women, and I started playing mtg about 2-3 years ago off and on. I started while working as a counselor at a group home, couple of the boys played the game and the challenge of it is something that I enjoy. I am not ashamed that I play, in fact, its hilarious to see and hear the ignorant comments my "cool" friends make about the game. Point being that its insane to judge someone based on their interests.

On a more important side not..... where are all of these self proclaimed "nerdy" women? I have always wanted a girl friend that would play some occasional COD or take a road trip to SF worlds 2011.... just saying :)

Reflibman
Reflibman

Simone -

Have you heard of impartial journalism? As opposed to defending a friend who made a bad professional mistake? Do you understand the divide between professionalism and relationships? And here you are, making excuses for YOUR poor journalistic fact gathering , justifying your incorrect factual statement "Someone apparently hacked Alyssa's Twitter and changed.." by saying that "Not that it'll quiet the Finkel crusaders from announcing it as a victory. Stupid." No, I don't think they are the stupid ones. And you miss the point that they aren't defending Finkel, as opposed to reacting to an individual who chose to cross personal with professional boundaries and attempts to diss someone online as part of a semi-pro article. But what else can we expect from a generation weaned on "Reality" TV?

Get Ready Simone
Get Ready Simone

Most likely from your Twitter Photo:

Simone B. WilsonPhone: (213) 248-8062Address: 5209 Southridge AveLocation: Los Angeles, CA 90043

Birthday: December 1951 Language: unknown Hobbies: Sports, Travel, Music, Reading, Arts & crafts... Registered Voter: No Home Owner: Yes Neighborhood: Affluent

Property Details

Length of Residence: 22 yearsLot Size: 6,000 sq ftHome Size: 1,975 sq ftRooms: 9Bedrooms: 3Bathrooms: 3Floors: 1Garage: 1 Car GarageEst. Home Value: $534k

Number of People: 4 - 7 (1 - 4 Adults)Children: 3: 7 - 9 year old, 10 - 12 year old boyHeating: YesCooling: NoFireplace: Yes

The Wilson Family

The Wilson family has lived in Los Angeles, California on 5209 Southridge Ave for 22 years. There are 2 parents and 2 children in the family.

stephica
stephica

1. This is a shitty thing to do, and you are a shitty person who is just making Alyssa and Simone have the moral high ground. Good job turbo! I'm sure you'll respond to me with a misogynistic bon mot and then like your own comment.

2. If she went to UCSD last year it's really unlikely she was born in 1951. She looks to be in her early 20s on her twitter. So you failed at being a piece of shit internet vigilante. Don't worry though, you're still a piece of shit!

Get Ready Simone
Get Ready Simone

Looked around 60 to me on twitter. Thanks, you're still a worthless bitch, as are Alyssa and the writer of this article. Problem?

TheJames
TheJames

Shouldn't you edit the entire section about Forbes writer, Paul Tassi, and his relevant observations, or at the very least a footnote?

Mr.Cali
Mr.Cali

Not all nerds play MTG and not all MTG players are nerds. What exactly is a nerd?

Mr.Cali
Mr.Cali

meant to post this on the main lol

Get Ready Simone
Get Ready Simone

So Simone, is it 5 Haworth Avenue, Oak Tree Drive, W. Slauson Avenue, or Southridge?

Better post all the possible addresses and phone numbers just incase.

Depending your twit of a friends actions to get publicity to your sad articles (I think my friend's dog has more Twitter followers than you) has worked, expect publicity in the form of the internet. This is just the beginning.

We're coming <3.

Get Ready Simone
Get Ready Simone

You write like a pretty caustic cunt.

Just a heads up. Don't write and talk shit about what you don't know, or maybe the intertubes will run a train on you bitch :)

stephica
stephica

This is a great example of the misogynistic bullshit that I hate.

Get Ready Simone
Get Ready Simone

Get the fuck back in the kitchen and quit pretending you have a brain, k thanks <3.

John D
John D

I like you already.  Well played, well played.

stephica
stephica

It's great that you're using a public podium like the LA Weekly to defend your friend who wrote such a cruel and shallow piece...oh wait, that's actually a pretty unprofessional thing to do! Did you two learn to behave like that when you were Editor in Chief and Managing Editor at the UCSD Guardian together?

And before you accuse me of being a nerd on a witch hunt: 1. yes, I am a nerd although I don't care about Magic the Gathering 2. I am a feminist who is annoyed by the misogynistic comments directed at Alyssa (come on, there's plenty to criticize her about without being sexist or offensive). That doesn't excuse her actions or your defense of them.

anonymous
anonymous

5 internet dollars says they both came up with this idea to generate more publicity for each of them.

Mike Mahoney
Mike Mahoney

"@simone_electra amusing: hey @alyssabereznak, all is not lost: an @laweekly commenter would "gladly fuck the shit out of" you. as would i. <3"

pics?

Doug Luberts
Doug Luberts

So, what you're basically saying that being a flame-baiting troll in order to get page views is the way to establish credibility as a professional writer?

Excuse me, but I've got to go find some wholesale segment of the population to offend for fun and profit.

Stupidgrl
Stupidgrl

The girl in question is not attractive. The funny thing in this whole story is that she implies in her article that she is a catch. She is in fact EXACTLY who you would expect to find on a dating website: not ugly but not attractive and someone who struggles to get dates through normal channels.Can't wait for the thirty year old version to write stories about "where are all the good guys?!". She should save herself the next decade of struggle and get herself a gay best friend and a quirky cat.

Coke Ganu
Coke Ganu

Stupid article, we hate her for being a media whore. It's got nothing to do with Magic the Gathering really or the internet nerds being "hurt". It's not so much about the fact that she was enough of a bitch to turn a guy down who is well within her league because of a stupid arbitrary hobby.

It's the fact that she made an article about it that publicly slandered him, without his consent. The fact that she tried to pass it off as tech journalism is a joke too.

Forbes are fucking morons too, because after all this they are going to LOSE gizmodo readers. Like the way I'm never going to come back to this site because of this horrible article.

So yeh, you played a big joke on the nerds, whatever you want to believe fuckheads.

http://i52.tinypic.com/2zewk8n...

Wawa
Wawa

stfu simone

Bruno B
Bruno B

I've said it already elsewhere, I'll repeat it here: noone finds it strangely convenient that all this MTG-related mess came out just 2 weeks before the release of the update to the MTG - Duels of the Planeswalkers PC/console game?

If I was in the marketing department for that game, I'd be jumping in joy now: a single post that acted as a call for countless nerds in defense of MTG, among which many probably didn't even know or played MTG before, and guess what? the game is aimed just at MTG neophytes.

Maybe I read too much into things.

D.J. Garry Boldwater
D.J. Garry Boldwater

Your friend has the right to post whatever nasty shit about her dates she wants, can even out them and link to their FB pages, etc... But by the same token she herself can be used in a similar fashion - trash her looks, interests, etc.  NYC is full of talented writers, filmmakers, comedians, etc.  Some of her future courters might be looking for similar fuel for material.

Heck, check out her quickmeme page - http://www.quickmeme.com/ALYSS... - Some of the things people are posting about her are mean, most specifically name her, but even the cruelest ones are clearly intended to be funny (my favorite is "Alyssa Bereznak has often been told that her vagina looks just like the lips and gums of a toothless 95-year-old man" - I've been laughing all morning about that one!).  Yeah, a lot of them are mean and shallow, most about how hard on the eyes your friend is, and the fact she clearly has either a lazy eye, or some kind of post-stroke drooping left side of her face. (and don't complain, Simone... they're using the same picture you are)

Here's some more memes that I'm sure you have no issues with, since you seem to see no limits on naming and mocking people: "Alyssa Bereznak wants to have kids soon, but none of her siblings are ready to settle down"

"Alyssa Bereznak plans to write her Graduate Thesis on her belief that Martin Luther King faked his death"

"Alyssa Bereznak is most famous for calling President Obama a "spear-chucker" during a call to the Glenn Beck Radio Show"

"Alyssa Bereznak - One time, a frozen hot-dog broke off in her asshole, and a TLC documentary crew filmed the hospital staff struggling to get it out."

"Alyssa Bereznak - Call her edgy, but she still believes the murder of Emmett Till was an AMAZING DAY!"

"Polish People: We're only known for 2 things - Killing Jews and Being Stupid!"

I got more laughs with some of the above than anything in your friend's article.  Seriously, check 'em out!  There are hundreds of them!  http://www.quickmeme.com/ALYSS...

PS - And while I do not find your friend easy on the eyes, I find you to be much more fetching, Simone.  If you're ever in NYC, hit me up.  You will not regret it.

oliv
oliv

If the guy were a WoW player, or whatever, it wouldn't have change the fact that she is a total Carrie-Bradshaw-wanna-be bitch. What she did is not cool.

Alex Parker
Alex Parker

Lol what he probably failed to tell her on the date was that not only did he play Magic, but he won 3.5 Million dollars at the World Series of Poker, so not only did she dump a nerd, but a rich one..GOOD JOB! Jon, looks like you dodged a bullet, buddy!

Philip Tumbaga
Philip Tumbaga

Lawl did any of you read this post at all?  Clearly a great way to get herself some views too.  Did she kill your dog?  No?  Then who cares, these ladies have an opinion, sure you may not agree with it, but get over it and let these ladies go back to their relative anonymity and private bits of personal fame.  Tons of folks are wasting tons of time when the could be doing something a lot more fun, like maybe playing magic.  As for me after getting trolled out here by some of my mtg friends I'm going to go play some Deus Ex Human Revolution :-) 

Afton
Afton

Don't think Magic-players care a lot. Nor poker players or hedge fund managers -- from my understanding, her date was all three. I think what got people riled up is the classless act of outing another human and publishing his name for laughs on your Internet blog.

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