Jon Finkel, Magic Champion, Acted Just as Shallow as Kiss-and-Teller Alyssa Bereznak

She's not even hot.

I think the problem goes far beyond "That Bereznak had judged and rejected Finkel merely for being a nerd." While it is definitely ok if Jon's "obsession" make Alyssa think that they'll be a poor match, she came across as saying "Magic players should be made to wear the Star of David (she did ask whether or not Magic tournament players should put this on their profile so that they cannot 'cheat' anyone) so that they cannot 'prey' on (that's the implication of the sentence 'OKCupids is infiltrated by...') innocent women like me!" This is outright insulting to people who have Magic as a hobby. 

Simone, just throw in the towel. You have neither the wit or writing skill to pull an article like this off.

SImone, my dog understands this situation better than you. No hope for the clueless.

Some things I'd just like to note about the whole situation:

1) The whole "you're hot and i'm shallow" bit was (apparently) all on OKCupid so I'm surprised she doesn't have a transcript. Also, it sounds like hes just trying to be smooth, funny and/or flattering.

2) True, dating somebody because you think they are hot sounds shallow at first glance, but seriously, in absence of almost all other information (this is online dating after all, everything is shallow at the start) is probably the first thing most people look for in a partner.  It's step one. You don't stand at a bus stop and go "oh that girl looks like she has such a good personality", you think "why shes quite pretty, I think I might go talk to her".

3) And so if you say alright so being shallow is natural, so whats the big deal about her dissing him for playing and being good at MTG then? Simple. Its shallow if he put "MTG world champion" in his profile and she said "pffft I'm not dating him" and in fact, that'd be fine. However, she was talking to him, it sounded like she was having a decent time, and when the matter popped out, it sounded like that basically began obscuring her entire impression of him. She seems to be assuming that someone who plays MTG doesn't do anything but. He works in a hedge fund (exciting, profitable stuff) and plays high-stakes poker, I'm quite sure there are way more things that they could talk about outside of MTG, but I think she just ended up harping on that from there on.

4) She said infiltrated. Probably a play on the fact he designed a card with "infiltrator" in its title. However she did say that he went out with one of her co-workers and basically made him sound like some creepy stalker. Well, if I were interested in tech and played MTG and basically were a bit (or a lot, whatever) of a nerd, wouldn't seeing "Gizmodo intern" or something on someones profile make you think "well maybe we have something in common"?

Yes, you're right, completely the same...oh, except that 1.) his comments were private, not blasted out onto the internet in a grotesque attempt to seem superior and2.) his comments were complimentary (if shallow), not mean-spirited internet thuggery.

So yeah, completely the same.

Wow.  You don't get it to a really astonishing level.  Even if Finkel's comment was shallow (rather than, as it seems on the surface, a nervous conversation-opening jest) what he *didn't* do was then go and post a screed against the girl on the internet.

listen as a hot shallow lesbian magic playing nerd I like to think i have some insight into both viewpoints here:Actually from what I can discern these are just poorly behaved people behaving poorly. Actually apparently Finkel's got game (outside of tournaments too). How many people could land a date on OKC with that opening?

Just to be clear, I'm not saying nerd-shaming is as severe a social problem as slut-shaming, just that they involve highly analogous sets of acts intended to marginalize groups of people in a highly analogous manner and context.  And both reinforce, intentionally or unintentionally, the patriarchy, in which alpha males have power over women, the one by reinforcing the good-girl/bad-girl distinction and the other by reinforcing the alpha-male/beta-male distinction.

A more articulate summary is here:http://tadhg.com/wp/2011/09/04...

"Now that I've been completely reduced to an Us Weekly gossip whore -- only worse, because I'm gossiping about people who aren't actually famous, about things that aren't actually relevant to anyone, unless you're digesting this from a feminist/double-standard angle, as I hope you might -- go enjoy your Friday, ya nerd."The only double standard here is the one you're applying.  The way you talk about this situation (and completely distort what went on both in her article and in the typical angry response) is completely different from how you would treat it if your friend Alyssa had been the one being ridiculed online, and if the shocker had been a discovery, say, about her past sexual history.  Imagine if someone posted a blog like yours saying "The majority of the ire, though, in my opinion, was from [gals like Alyssa]" implying that it was ok to treat her as a lesser being because the only people opposed to that treatment were fellow lesser beings, and then going on to point out she had said something shallow to precipitate their first date and that that private comment somehow justified dragging her name through the dirt.  You would be right in that case to get all up in arms against the callous man who would dare attempt to publicly humiliate her for her personal choices, and I would join you in that.  So why don't you apply the same standard to the Finkel affair?  Why are you so comfortable being the one maligning nerds for standing up against public bullying when you would rush to defend independent women against the same style of bullying?Nobody gives a damn that she rejected him for being a nerd, but going out and saying things like "This is what happens...when you lie in your online profile..." (for the record, he didn't) and "Mothers, warn your daughters!" sends the message that nerds are categorically undatable and of a lesser species than her exaltedness.  This is a clear case of nerd-shaming, which when you think about it is basically the same as slut-shaming.  Both of which are incredibly petty, vicious, anti-feminist, and societally damaging activities.

I had a real good laugh when I clicked on the links at the bottom of this article.

Pretty sure you and Ms. Bereznak are just jealous because instead of going home and weeping that he didn't end up landing a catch like you two, he kept his head up high and ended up with someone much better:http://i1196.photobucket.com/a...

You missed a spot:

> Him: You should go out with me.> Me: That's forward? Why should I?> Him: Because you're hot and I'm shallow.

SHE THEN PROCEEDED TO GO OUT WITH HIM. WTF.

What a ridiculous piece of journalism. I presume you are a professional, although you don't act like one, you act as immature as your friend.

If the shoe was on the other foot Simone, if your friend wasn't an intern at this website and the man was a journalist and she told him something similar and the man wrote an article on a major website naming her, insulting her and trying to publicly humiliate her, would you be quick to defend him?

I think not. This hypocritical garbage is only here because your friends with her. Did she make a mistake? Obviously. Is she immature and judgemental? Maybe not but she comes across like that.

I'm sure you and your friend are good people and I think you should have the integrity to say, I disagree with what she done. She shouldn't have tried to humiliate that man. She is my friend and I will stand by her but I think she is being unfairly judged as a result of a mistake which I am sure she regrets. Thats what friends do, they keep each other straight, they defend the indefensible because your no better than what she done and your at the same level as many people who humiliate others for their own gratification.

it's hard for me to believe what misaligned person you are.  this is almost as bad as your "2nd graders are racist" article.

Jesus wept. Do you know the meaning of humour? You two really are a ditzy couple of no-hopers.

bullshit. Pathetic article trying to defend someone who has it coming. Hopefully this hurts your traffic as well. Shes your friend and that's nice, but you are ALONE in trying to place any of this crap on Finkel. Personally I'm quite happy your friend has virtually screwed herself.

Well, I have never signed on to comment on a blog posting before. But I have never followed anything quite as absurd as this before.  

Simone, you should stop.  You should stop with these articles about Alyssa/Jon.  You are only embarrasing yourself.

I quote you:

"that the "first couple words of me and Finkel's initial conversation" were as follows."

That you and/or Alyssa are theoretically "writers" and do not know the very most basic English grammar -  is embarrasing. 

I am guessing that this all will have a negative impact on Alyssa's journalist career.  I would stop before it has one on yours as well.  

Simone, so you're saying that he said something silly when pming her justifies her acting like a total bitch?

For the record, there were just as many women like me who were furious about your friend's behaviour. I'm married to a geek and you couldn't imagine a sweeter, kinder guy in the world.

As a writer myself, the biggest problem I have with this entry from a journalism standpoint is that it is presenting hearsay as fact. Ms. Wilson, you are relaying the details of the conversation between Ms. Bereznak and Mr. Finkel as they were told to you and drawing an assumptive summary conclusion without further research.

A more accurate title for this article should have been, "Jon Finkel, Magic Champion, Acted Just as Shallow as Kiss-and-Teller According to Bereznak" or "Alyssa Bereznak claims Jon Finkel, Magic Champion, Acted Just as Shallow as She," etc. It should be something that states that this stance is one taken by Ms. Bereznak. To state conclusively that Finkel is "shallow" based solely on Bereznak's account without verifying it with other sources is both irresponsible and inaccurate.

I also think that it's important to disclose your close personal friendship with Ms. Bereznak in this article (as you did in your other recent piece) so that your readers are given the full context of your perspective. A self-described "dear friend" and "former colleague" of Ms. Bereznak isn't automatically incapable of writing a piece without bias, but you should let the audience make that decision for themselves.

To your credit, you don't try to pass this off as more than a blog entry (as opposed to being a full-fledged article), and you invite Mr. Finkel to refute the claims made within. But the headline and the summary paragraph are, in my opinion, clearly prejudicial. It sounds like there is a side to the story the internet should hear, and maybe you are the one to tell it, but in it's current format this sounds like little more than a biased attempt to interject on behalf of a friend.

You said this

"The majority of the ire, though, in my opinion, was from guys like Finkel -- if not quite as successful -- whose worst fears had just been paraded in front of them, in the form of a tech-blog anecdote. Boy asks girl on a date. Girl accepts. Boy reveals deepest nerdly passions. Girl runs for the hills, never to heard from again. (Until, in this case, she retells the horror story with the nation as her audience.)"

Why is that not a legitimate reason to be angry? Which conveniantly ignores all the women who it bothered. But lets start with this.