UCLA Scientists Prove Angels Don't Exist

By Simone Wilson Tue., Dec. 27 2011 at 11:35 AM

Dear Elijah: Pics or it didn't happen. Love, Science.

Consider the Christmas spirit officially crushed -- by a team of Bible-wary researchers from UCLA.

They oversaw a recent study by the Out-Of-Body Experience Research Center in Los Angeles. Shockingly, of 30 volunteers taught to enter an out-of-body sleep state called a "lucid dream" and instructed to look for angels in their bedroom (then eat some food, a la Elijah), 24 had the vision.

So much for miracles. The study's conclusions give us a post-holiday E hangover of "Santa Clause is fake" proportions. Via the Daily Mail:

The study concludes that the experiences gained by their volunteers and practitioners of angels and food were caused by the individual's 'general interests or thoughts before falling asleep, and not external stimuli,' such as an actual heavenly ore religious visitation.
'A comprehensive investigation of this possibly found no fact indicating that this was not the case. Indeed, nearly every indication and fact supports this conclusion,' the study concludes.

Sounds about as absolute as a study on angel visions can get.

Really though: Why now? This is like proving that toaster burn patterns will inevitably resemble Christ once in a while. No wonder religious zealots won't shut up about atheists ruining our country. (Presidential-candidate zealots included.)

Debbie H, one participant, describes her light-as-a-feather experience to the Mail:

"The vibrations were very strong and I know my breathing got heavier and deeper. I tried levitation and I got flashes of being out of my body. I thought, 'This is it,' and immediately went to look for the angel. ... In the corner of my bedroom, it definitely felt like it was there... I asked the angel for any information, and it said it was Gabriel! It was a fairly traditional looking angel - large and with wings. I then went to look for food, found an apple in the kitchen, and took a bite..."

Wait, what? That sounds awesome. We've contacted Out-Of-Body director Michael Raduga for more details about the L.A. research center. Because that's really the exciting part of this big old buzz kill -- world capital of lucid dreaming, right here in our own backyard! And world alien abduction headquarters, to boot.

Until then, here's some cheesy animated instructions to get you started:

We're still waiting on the Taiwanese celebrity version.

[@simone_electra / swilson@laweekly.com / @LAWeeklyNews]

Tags:

angels, Elijah, lucid dreaming, Out-Of-Body Experience Research Center, research, study, UCLA

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proudatheist

Only a total retard believes that God, angels, heaven, hell or afterlife exists. When you die you die, that's all there is to it. No afterlife or soul, no heaven, no hell, nothing. Oblivion. I understand it may sound scary, but facing the reality is better than living in a lie.

Tarot

Truthprevails. This is proven by the possibility of 100% Truth butImpossibility of 100% False. If a statement doesn't bring up animage to lie about there can be no lie. In other words, you'd haveto bring up a thing to lie about it making the bringing up of thething as a quantum of truth in the build of the statement. If youwere to attempt 100% falsehood the closest you would get is about 80%before it starts to collapse into blah blah blah which isacknowledged as false and is not deceiving. So in maximizingdeception the closest you can get is about 80% false and 20% true. This would be like a fairy tale that people believed in as it is soclose to collapse into blah blah blah or some other form ofgibberish.

terry the censor

Not a real scientific project. I did a little write up.

http://terrythecensor.blogspot...

Mikoe Wozz

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This was not a UCLA study. It was a con artist doing a study in a room at UCLA. He has no connection to UCLA.

Philip Reed

Complete garbage article, starting with the ridiculous headline.

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Frawsty

If angels don't exist, what happens to the City of Angels? And while contemplating that question, did we the taxpayers pay for this study, or was it paid for by overcharged students?

ELDV

And how exactly does this disprove the existence of supernatural entities normally beyond that which can be perceived with the five senses, as the example of Elisha's servant and the chariots of fire in 2 Kings 6 would indicate?

Theophile

Wow, I hope the UCLA scientists don't really think the subjective experience of test subjects, trained in self hypnosis/astroprojection, looking into their own imagination, in a semi conscience state, constitutes real science! Hollywood is down the street if we want imagination, or maybe it's time to admit the arts are not science, if this study was really called scientific proof by anyone representing your school. I would think the experience of Ahab, the priests of Baal, and the audience of witnesses when Elijah prayed, and fire fell from heaven, would be the thing to consider when deciding if Elijah was dreaming or not.