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Awesome Craigslist Ad For Crappy Apartment Written So Well it Makes Us Want to Move In

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craigslist apartment ad.JPG
Craigslist
When LA Weekly music writer Drew Tewksbury posted this Craigslist ad on Facebook, we just had to check it out.

It's the best ad ever for what amounts to an East Hollywood apartment that appears quite dumpy by this Westsider's stuck-up standards. But it was written so persuasively that we're ready to move in. Now.

Not only are we told that the place has a "MASSIVE kitchen ... with a GARBAGE DISPOSAL," but we're also informed that the place comes with "BUILT-IN" air conditioning, "cause ...


... it is hotter than Satan's balls right now ... "


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Here's the body of the ad in its entirety:

So you were going through Craigslist today and were like "Man, I really like sleeping and shit, but I don't want to start giving plasma to pay rent and prostitution is so competitive, how am I ever gonna get my own place???!"

We got your back: check out this kickass single. This bad boy has freaking storage like you ain't neva seen before, a freaking MASSIVE kitchen (and that stove and refrigerator? yeah, they're included, yo) with a GARBAGE DISPOSAL (so you don't have to dig out shit with your hands cause that's straight up rank). Hardwood floors so you can pour an entire jarof Nutella on 'em and roll around like a diabetic Scrooge McDuck, a big ol' bathroom with tile, a BUILT-IN a/c cause it is hotter than Satan's balls right now, and free street parking!

Call 323-***-**** to see this mother.

It's right by the Metro and some weirdass Mexican place with good food.

Yep. We had to call this Craigslist user up right away. Turns out she's a -- you guessed it -- writer.

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25 comments
pixelpriest
pixelpriest

Yugg.  Overrated - like most things NY related.

ProjectMelton
ProjectMelton

@sarahfenske @LAWeekly Hahaha, definitely the best Craigslist rental ad ever. Still laughing at the Nutella line.

Cordovakj
Cordovakj

Personally, I thought it was funny.  Probably because we as "East Hollywood" apartment managers listen to messages like that every time we rent an apartment.  Lighten up people!  And as for who she is renting to, the most current person I know looked at one of these apartments was a lawyer  who graduated from Notre Dame.  If you are intelligent enough to realize this is a joke, you are probably a decent prospective tenant.  Yesterday she rented 4 apartments in one day...  I guess she is doing something right.  Those of you who feel it necessary to bash others, perhaps there is a reason you failed or are failing at your career.  People don't like assholes.

Cordovakj
Cordovakj

Oh, and no she doesn't know anyone at LA Weekly.

rabbipedro
rabbipedro

If this cunt is such a great writer, why does she have such horrible grammar? Oh, this IS Los Angeles, never mind.

Cordovakj
Cordovakj

 @rabbipedro What do you do for a living?

 

rabbipedro
rabbipedro

 @Cordovakj I am a Rabbi, dick face

Cordovakj13
Cordovakj13

 @rabbipedro How sad it must be to be you.  From your crude comments we can only assume one of two things, either you are horrifically under qualified for the career you claim to have or you are so embarrassed by the fact that you have done nothing in life that you feel the need to lie.  Get over yourself. 

CallGirlRates
CallGirlRates

@adoracash @LAWeekly I love it that one fee post has won her so much attention.

ArRythmian
ArRythmian

@LAWeekly that writer is lokey fine A.F. reminds me of embellished CL SFV housing ads with psycho landlords.

Angela Bonilla
Angela Bonilla

She got "discovered" by a craigslist ad?! Right. I think she has a friend at LA Weekly who is trying to get her a job. The add wasn't even that funny and I'm not sure what kind of renter she's trying to attract with an ad like that. It almost sounds like the onion.

Karina Chacham
Karina Chacham

That's amazing. I would move there based off that ad but I have a 1 bedroom in North Hollywood for $20 more than that place.

Tim Peterson
Tim Peterson

I've always wanted to "Roll around in Nutella like a Diabetic Scrooge McDuck"!!! lol

Luna Tek
Luna Tek

LIGHTEN UP, everybody! It's Funny as hell. Esp the "hotter than Satan's Balls" description. HAHAHA!~

Robin Kasper
Robin Kasper

Are you serious? Was this really worthy of reporting? I must be missing something. If this is considered "good writing" then we are all in trouble.

Level Seven Six
Level Seven Six

Damn that girl can write! I wish I could write like her, lol!

Darlene C. Matthews
Darlene C. Matthews

gets attention vs gets a resident in. Im thinking most who would actually respond to this, might have some issues qualifying or being sober enough to find it.....

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