UnWinona's It's Not My Fault I'm Pretty Blog Rant Against Men Goes Viral in L.A.

Claire

This piece is disgusting. She was clearly using the line "Its not my fault Im pretty" to point out the ridiculousness of his justification for abusing her (yes, ABUSING her, he said that if he had a gun he would shoot her, but you conveniently left that our of your story and portrayed her as an overreacting, self-absorbed whinger.) And to imply that it is her fault she was abused for being on public transport in a 'dangerous' and 'gritty' area, is just as ridiculous as the deranged man for saying its her fault for being pretty. Women have every right to be in public space and NOT be subjected to misogynistic treatment like this. Find me a man who has been abused by a woman for not reciprocating his sexual advances, and Ill find you 100 women who have been abused for not reciprocating a man's advances. That is why its an issue of sexism, and not just a random criminal on a train. All women experience this kind of sexism, and often even fear, just going about their daily lives.

Im not saying all men are terrible, though of course my feminist perspective will be ignorantly labelled 'man-hating' (apparently wanting equal rights and treatment means I hate all men).

But your article blatantly reinforces the horrible societal tendency to victim-blame.

cookietree

1 Like

First of all, as others have pointed out, the "It's not fault I'm pretty" quote is taken completely out of context.

The point is not whether or not you find her attractive (way to objectify the author and completely dismiss and trivialize her experience) but whether you understand the extent of the issue she's talking about. She's not indicting *all men* or claiming that women are the only group that is harassed. Assholes and crazy people will usually target someone they perceive as weaker and more likely to take their shit without holding them accountable for their actions. Often, yes, this is a person of color that is outnumbered in that situation, or someone that is outwardly LGBT. On a stunningly regular basis, however, this is usually an unaccompanied woman and the attacks are often sexually charged.

As a result, she wrote an article explaining why some women out in public may not be as friendly as society would like and thus potentially be labeled as rude or conceited. Due to multitudes of personal experiences like this, they sadly have been taught to be cautious of strange men in various situations. The article was written because, as she stated, it's hard to make some men understand why women would feel more vulnerable. Clearly, from your response, this is the case.

You probably wouldn't make fun of a black man or woman who was the target of a potentially violent verbal attack based in their race, why is it okay to ridicule a woman who was targeted for her gender? Yes, for one reason or another, this is some people's daily reality, does that mean they they just have to shut up and suffer it in silence?

nhuffman28

2 Like

You have to be pretty thin-skinned to read that post and interpret it as some kind of militant, anti-male screed. It's also rather dishonest to play up her "It's not my fault I'm pretty" closing line as some kind of narcissistic statement, when it's clear she was responding to the statement of the crazy guy who was harassing her: "It's not my fault you're pretty," which seems like a rather appalling way of blaming her for his inability to handle a polite but firm rejection. THE WHOLE POINT of using that phrase was to rebut the notion that she was somehow asking to be sexually harassed just by being on a train with a guy who happened to like the way she looked.

Jesus, did you even read the damned post, or just skim every other sentence?

louispfreely

bitch is fugly

jose.escobar.220

@louispfreely you're ugly. on the inside at least. since i can't how pretty you are. you're exactly what's wrong with society. loser

louispfreely

doesn't change the fact that this bitch is fugly

vslevin

@louispfreely Opinion, not fact

bseybolt

I guess what a man is supposed to do after reading her blog is give an unreserved apology to all women, prostrate himself in humility and supplication, and offer himself up for chemical castration.

cookietree

@bseybolt No, what you're supposed to do after reading this post is either congratulate yourself for not doing shit like this, or realize that it's nothing personal and you shouldn't get so butthurt when a girl just doesn't want to talk to you on the train.

jose.escobar.220

of course this is written by a guy (for the record i'm a guy). but seriously, attacking the victim is kinda low. Dennis Romero, you're an idiot. you're no better than the idiots who harassed this woman. it doesn't matter how she felt others perceived her. the facts still remain. it was a scary situation. put yourself in her shoes. maybe then you will learn to stop criticizing other people. who cares if she was coming off a little sexist (so, if some dudes started harassing me cos I am gay, and I call them homophobes, are you going to attack me too???). you're absolutely ridiculous for writing this article.hope your masculinity wasn't somehow affected by a woman (regardless of her race, as i see you pointed out in a comment below) daring to write a story about men acting like animals.

makehappy.notbombs

"The man stands up, moving to the front and muttering angrily over his shoulder that it isn’t his fault I’m pretty."She didn't write this post based on one day of train riding, she used one day's tale as an example of what women (white, black, purple, and green) go through everyday and not just in the gritty areas of town. I take public transportation everyday from Brentwood to Hancock Park and have experienced situations like this as well. So, am I inviting this harassment because I'm "traveling on public transportation in a gritty and dangerous city "? Does that excuse men's behavior or make any of us deserve that treatment? Does it make me less of a human that I ride on public transportation? You take parts of her story out of context and make her into a man-hater, just like the teens on the train did. Obviously you never learned how to be a real man, whether its in random interactions on trains or on the LAWeekly blog."He is a nice person who talks to me like I’m a human being instead of a walking pair of tits, and I make a mental note: This is how a real man talks to a woman on a train."

djromero moderator editortopcommenter

@makehappy.notbombs This is hilarious. You accuse me of missing the bigger picture, yet extrapolate from this post that I never learned to be a real man.

Perhaps you missed the part where I wrote:

We're not saying that it's right to harass the first woman you see on an almost-empty train. We're just saying that maybe UnWinona's issue is not, in fact, that she's pretty and a jerk-magnet, but rather that she's traveling on public transportation in a gritty and dangerous city where mostly people of color are the victims of all kinds of crimes every single day.

I don't excuse the behavior. I'm just saying her main examples are a crazy guy and three teen boys. And what I'm also saying is that life is hard in urban L.A. Not just for white girls. In fact in many facets of society, white girl trumps man of color -- by far. That's all.

makehappy.notbombs

@djromero UnWinona's point of writing that story was NOT because she's "mad that men continually try to chit-chat with her over the books she reads on trains." Where in her story did she say men are bad? Because she said she decided to share her story to "point out exactly what is wrong with men when they don’t realize how hard it is"?Yeah.. based on your point of "she's traveling on public transportation in a gritty and dangerous city", I don't think you truly understand the bigger picture. She wrote the story to prove her point that she should be able to read in peace or at least not be screamed at for not wanting to be social/hit on. You, much like the men in her story, think that she should be forced to deal with this harassment because she's a woman on a train. Or is your argument of "white girl trumps man of color" meant to imply that she doesn't have it the worst so she doesn't have a right to complain on her own blog? Her point is that she shouldn't be considered a bitch because someone else thought she was pretty.So I am really wondering, do you think that she shouldn't be able to ride public transportation without the fear or harassment (because after all, she has tits)? Was your point that she shouldn't complain because people of color are treated worse?Either way, I still think you're missing the big picture which is that we're all human beings and deserve to be treated with respect, no matter our color or gender. She was voicing this story as a woman but when you get to the core of her message she was upset about any people who "...do not have equal opportunities and freedoms in everyday life."

RedLine

@nhuffman28 @djromero Just two days ago I, riding the same Red Line as UnWinona does, was spit on by a man who didn't like that I told him to leave me alone twice in 5 minutes.

nhuffman28

A few nuggets from the comments section of the above post (all women, from what I can tell):

"it really isn't so much about how someone looks. i mean, it can be about that, too, but it is much more than just that. it is about the guys trying to exert some kind of control or power or show off in front of their friends. it just sucks that they have to make themselves feel better about themselves by calling out our bodies."

"I've always said that looks have nothing to do with it. These guys could hoot and honk at someone in a burlap sack. Doesn't make a difference how "pretty' you are. It's the fact that one is a woman that calls their attention. They feel entitled as if we're mere possessions."

And the kicker:

"Does anyone else find that when they complain about this, people (especially men, but not exclusively) don't take them seriously? I often get jokes like, "oh, how sad, guys hit on you all the time! boo hoo, you're just too pretty!" It isn't hitting on, it's harassing, and frankly it has nothing to do with how I look. It's the fact that I'm a young woman, period."

nhuffman28

P.S. She's not the only woman who's experienced this type of nonsense: http://la.streetsblog.org/2012/06/07/metro-diary-getting-harassed-by-that-guy/

nhuffman28

How is this woman "flattering herself"? The only times she uses the word "pretty" or "attractive" in reference to herself is in describing the assumed feelings of the very guys who aggressively approached and harassed her. How is she "over-inflating her experience"? Did you miss the part where she describes having these encounters "on at least half of my commutes"?

nhuffman28

"I said that people deal with a lot of sh-- in the big city. What I'm suggesting is that she's dealing with it too, and it might have little to do with her looks."

I find this to be a rather callous statement, given that a) the "sh--" she's dealing with happens to be flung at her by guys who are bigger and stronger than her, b) that most men, including myself, don't have to deal with the same thing and thus probably don't fully appreciate how intimidating and frightening it can be, and c) that from her description, it happens on a shockingly regular basis.

djromero moderator editortopcommenter

@makehappy.notbombs She says "most men, even good caring men, have no clue what we go through on a daily basis ..." impugning us all because of her experience, at least in that blog post, with a crazy guy and three teens.

I never said "forced to deal with this harassment because she's a woman on a train."

I said that people deal with a lot of sh-- in the big city. What I'm suggesting is that she's dealing with it too, and it might have little to do with her looks.

I in no way condone harassment, and I think she she should be able to read her precious books in peace. However, there's nothing harassing or legally wrong with at least trying to talk to someone. At the point she says no, however, is when it should stop.

But ... I think she's ultimately flattering herself here while painting "men" with two broad of a stroke and over-inflating her experience with a few people in an area where stuff happens.

johnsonperson

1 Like

You know, I *hate* commenting on blogs, because inevitably it turns into a really frustrating hateful tete a tete that sucks the life force out of me. But I'm also seriously SICK and TIRED of hearing from the male perspective that women are just blowing things out of proportion when they feel legitimately invalidated or scared shitless in public because of men. This whole idea of focusing this post on UnWinona daring to refer to herself as pretty--and how conceited and out of her mind she must be to even have self-esteem, because: look at her--and on spewing this bravado-laden 'common sense' of 'How dare a person expect not to be harassed on a subway train when there are crazy people everywhere!' completely distorts her point. So, way to go on your sensational rhetoric techniques. Good for you that, rather than try to understand someone else's perspective, you'd rather obliterate any sense of credibility she has in order to assert your own (and get people to read your work)---which is based on your experience of not necessarily being harassed by anyone, as a man. That's not reporting. How about the common sense that you should just be polite on a train? Even if you are an arrogant teenager? We really shouldn't be letting people off the hook so easily for their bad behavior. Whether you agree with someone's opinion of herself or not, that's the bottom line.