Lindsay Lohan: 5 Easy Steps To Get Your Life Back On Track
Gosh, Lohan, you're so inept at life you can't even take your luck at not having to do serious time for two DUIs and a jewelry theft and just lay low and run with it. (As friend Lalo Alcaraz said via Facebook, "If Lindsay Lohan was brown she'd already be doing 4 years in Chino.").
No. In one day you were charged with obstructing a cop, lying to a peace officer and reckless driving in Santa Monica while you were also arrested in New York for allegedly assaulting a woman at a club. That's some serious bicoastal multitasking.
Here's how you can fly straight from now on. This doesn't even involve going cold turkey on the partying, either. Listen up:
Ted Soqui for LA Weekly
5. Get a bodyguard. A celebrity with a bodyguard? What a novelty. But seriously, this would be a very special bodyguard, as this beefcake would be employed not to protect you from fans, stalkers and other mean girls but to protect you from your damn self. Anytime you cock your fist or flare your nostrils longingly at the nearest 4-inch mirror, he'd be there. A wise investment.
4. Stop changing your hair color. It sounds abstract, but hear us out: Only unstable, crazy girls change their hair color every other week. They say you should dress for the job you want. You should also tint your hair for the woman you want to be. We're thinking natural. Streaks mean trouble.