D.A. Steve Cooley Versus the Water Boarder
| Steve Cooley |
| Albert Robles |
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| Steve Cooley |
| Albert Robles |
By Greg Critser
1. Minor Irritants
A certain wearer of these Kawasaki 704 eyeglasses:
A. Conjured endless anxiety and concern for the future of the republic
B. Got a $6 million book deal for portraying said eyeglass wearer
C. Instigated the "hot librarian" movement in American fashion
D. Will be utterly forgotten this time next year
E. All of the above
2. Major Irritants
A. Promptly proclaimed the president-elect of his key ally, the U.S., "handsome and suntanned"
B. Installed two former Miss Italy contestants to his cabinet
C. Demonstrated his virility by eating "totally nonpoisonous!" mozzarella cheese
D. Spent much of the year taking members of the Italian foreign media to court for portraying him as "not honorable"
E. Was decisively reelected
F. All of the above
3. Local-ish Heroes
In September 1979, the young man pictured above entered Occidental College:
A. Because of the notoriously liberal college's "Satan Studies" program
B. Because of the notoriously traditional college's "Afro Awareness" outreach program
C. Because a really hot girl he knew was going there
D. Because he liked the fact that it had been the setting for the "obviously semiotically driven" Marx Brothers movie Horse Feathers
E. Because his favorite OP shorts could be bought at a discount from the mall up the street
F. Because each dorm had a college-provided beer-and-alcohol fund
4. Science Friction
Last January, in an attempt to leave a lasting legacy, human-genome entrepreneur Craig Venter decided to put all of his resources into:
A. Finding a definitive gene cluster that could elucidate the elusive origins of lung cancer, a leading killer
B. Starting a charity to inspire young scientists to "think outside the box"
C. Creating the first wholly synthetic DNA molecule, modeled on a bacterium that is only found on monkey testicles
D. A palatial seaside home in northern Scotland
E. None of the above
5. LDS, or LSD?
With an increasingly cosmopolitan membership experiencing huge job losses, unaffordable health care and growing military fatalities, the leadership of the Mormon Church decided the most important thing to do was:
A. Mount a multimillion-dollar rebranding campaign designed to convince new immigrants that "Yo soy algo un Mormono!"
B. Extend their famed food welfare system to other struggling faith groups
C. Focus their famed tithing program on supplementing medical costs
D. Focus their famed tithing program on helping war widows and widowers
E. Stop gay marriage
6. Moroni, or Moronic?
Faced with a slim but decisive defeat on Prop. 8, Hollywood's leading gay activists decided the most important thing was to:
A. Celebrate that an intervention by God saved them from the suffering of a tyrannical, outmoded institution
B. Take up a Harvey Milk-like campaign to humanize the face of gays as part of the community, and so win over critical black support next time
C. Use discretion to direct a boycott campaign at only the biggest, wealthiest hatemongers
D. Regroup and refocus with an eye on winning a new initiative next year
E. Mainly go after Mormons who made small donations under duress from their idiotic church leaders
7. Mayorismo!
In this photo, Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa is:
A. Telling the woman in front of him to get out of the way of the camera
B. Telling the woman in front of him to get out of the way of the mirror
C. Posing with a fellow inductee to Madame Tussaud's new wax museum
D. Wishing he could dance like that
E. Wishing he could wear that skirt
F. All of the above
8. Fat Heads
In a series of reports, scientists studying statins and cholesterol found:
A. That the drugs are so effective that we might consider putting them into the drinking water
B. That the overpriced drugs are only really worth it for high-risk heart patients
C. That some statins are better than others
D. That all statins are pretty much alike
E. That because 50 percent of heart patients have completely normal cholesterol, we should give everyone more than 50 statins
F. That because 50 percent of heart patients have completely normal cholesterol, we shouldn't rush to prescribe statins for everyone over 50
G. All of the above
9. Auto Pile-Its
At exactly 8:31 a.m. on Inauguration Day, conservative pundits plan to:
A. Declare that "it's already over" for the Democrats (William Kristol)
B. Opine that Barack Obama "has already blown it" (Joel Kotkin)
C. Compare the cut of the new president's suit to that of Joseph Goebbels (Jonah Goldberg)
D. Ask for a "full impeachment proceeding -- now!" (Rush Limbaugh)
E. Declare that Barack Obama is "utterly out of touch with people in McKeesport, Pennsylvania!" (David Brooks)
F. All of the above
G. None of the above
10. Head Lines
A. Looks like a testicle
B. Holds the future of print journalism
C. Holds a good recipe for fried chicken
D. Likely requires an atypical antipsychotic
E. All of the above
F. None of the above
ANSWERS: 1) E, 2) F, 3) C, 4) C, 5) E, 6) E, 7) C, 8) G, 9) F, 10) A.
A hot new Field Poll shows Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa and San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom are unpopular statewide, and lag so far behind U.S. Senator Dianne Feinstein that Di-Fi would sail into the California governor's post if she ran today.
This news after Gawker, based in Manhattan and usually more focused on New York and Washington, this week meticulously took Villaraigosa apart, manicured fingernail by manicured fingernail.
Newsom's popularity plunged after he became the poster boy for Yes on 8, and now even San Francisco progressives are pissed at him.
Villaraigosa has a different problem, beyond the fact that, like Newsom, his negatives are higher than his positives in the Field Poll.
After all of Antonio's ribbon-cutting and primping for the cameras (LA Weekly's Patrick McDonald recently revealed that Antonio spends only about 11 percent of his time on actual city business), a big chunk of California voters simply are not familiar with the guy. Does this portend even more travel outside Los Angeles, even more incessant fund-raising, and even less interest in his real job?
By Tibby Rothman
My friends, if you have relatives that, even after Barack Obama’s election, are still cynical about party politics, go to them now and apologize. I was at the California Democratic Party’s election night celebration at the Century Plaza Hotel and left wanting to puke.
Though Californians placed 1.1 million telephone calls to voters as part of Obama’s get-out-the-vote drive during the final weekend of the 2008 presidential campaign, and experts have cited the candidate’s superlative ground game and grassroots base as key components behind his victory, not one volunteer was scheduled to speak at the California Democratic Party’s official election night bash… or even to be allowed onstage.
More >>By Tibby Rothman
Many Southern Californians were mystified by this news from the Wall Street Journal and NBC's Firstread blog:
The often stumbling Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, whose city budget deficit has hit a historic high and who has based his economic plan in Los Angeles almost entirely on a single industry — development, emphasizing massive housing complexes, which left L.A. bad off when the housing bubble collapsed — was chosen by President-elect Barack Obama to be on an elite, 17-member economic advice team, including Warren Buffett, that is meeting Obama in Chicago today.
Rumors flew through City Hall that the "all-about-me" Villaraigosa must have worked even more than 16 hours per day to wangle a spot, much as he did when he lobbied hard to get a seat right behind Bill Clinton at the Democratic National Convention in Denver so that each time the national networks and cable TV cameras flitted to Clinton's face, viewers also saw the grinning Mayor of Los Angeles.
Here's the list of Barack Obama economic advisors:
Having held back just long enough to avoid voter fury against Sacramento legislators who might have been hurt on November 4 if they backed his plans for a massive tax increase, the anti-tax Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger today proposed a stiff hike in the cost of most things Californians buy, which critics immediately assailed as "instant inflation."
His sales tax increase amounts to a roughly 20 percent hike on the current California sales tax. It is being spun as quite small, with the governor insisting it is only 1.5 cents more on each dollar spent.
In fact, it is three times more than the brand new sales tax that voters appear to have approved in Los Angeles County on Tuesday to fund transit projects.
In fact, it would be one of the biggest sales tax hikes in California history.
The San Francisco Chronicle, consistently the best paper for coverage of Arnold, has the story here and angry comments are already pouring in.
While much of the country and the world woke up on November 5 relieved or even joyful at the previous day's election results, the day dawned bittersweet for many others here in Los Angeles and across the state. "It's one of the most exciting days because of, clearly, Barack, and one of the most disappointing days because this thing happened and that's caused a deep, deep sadness," says Cara, a 31-year-old who was marching with her partner, 26-year-old Kelly, through the streets of West Hollywood on Wednesday night. "How do you realize that 50 percent of the population voted for this?"
Photo by Gillian Shure
This, of course, was the passage of Proposition 8, the ban on gay marriage in California. Cara and Kelly were among the thousands who took to the streets of West Hollywood to protest the measure's passage. "I'm angry, confused, but hopeful," adds Kelly. "Confused and surprised. I really didn't think it would pass."
The march began in the early evening on Santa Monica Boulevard and spanned from Highland to San Vicente. Protesters carried banners and chanted "Si se puede! Yes, we can!" "What do we want? Equal rights! When do we want them? Now!"
My friend and guest blogger, She Wants Revenge's Justin Warfield, recently posted -- to great response -- about his great anticipation of yesterday's election (see Election '08: The Night Before Christmas). Here's his follow up to how he and his family felt when it finally became clear yesterday was truly historic.
Very Old Tears: Musings On a Lefty With a Jump Shot Taking The White House
By Justin Warfield
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
It’s been a long hard road, but we’re finally free.
Today is a new day.
A day of hope, a day of relief… a day of freedom.
A weight has been lifted, an obsession removed -- because it’s finally over.
No longer will we juggle five browser windows, BlackBerry alerts, and four hours of cable news on the DVR. No longer will we angrily debate our few republican friends on Facebook about socialism, taxes, '60s radicals and Islam.
Now we can get on with our lives and use our computers for what they were intended -- iTunes, correct sticker placement for coffee shop viewing, and sending your friends links to disgusting shock sites.
More >>According to a Los Angeles County press release issued moments ago, County Registrar Dean Logan is suspending his department's issuing of marriage licenses or civil marriages for same-sex couples, after reviewing California Secretary of State Debra Bowen's canvass results of Proposition 8.
Logan's office stated that Logan will maintain his current order unless he gets a court order or is required to act otherwise by a "state regulatory agency."
Statewide Semi-Official Election Night results (source: California Secretary of State):
08 - Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry
YES: 5,358,796 52.5%
NO: 4,866,831 47.5%
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