zoonabar

​Haters like to say that L.A. is turning into Mexico City and that California's golden days are long past.

Well, we hate to break it to you, but happy days are here again.

At least for the rich of the Golden State.

California ranks number one ...

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SNL

​A multimillion-dollar super-yacht is making waves in Venice today.

The Serena (or perhaps Serene) is sitting off the coast south of Venice Pier, close enough to gawkers on this summer-like day that authorities have been fielding calls inquiring whether the awesome vessel is too close to shore.

The answer to that question ...

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Google Maps

Obiang has been kicking back at his Malibu spread for half a decade with no peep from neighbors.

​Teodorin Obiang has lived a charmed 40-some years:

Born into Equatorial Guinea's royal family, Obiang's "job" as the small, oil-rich country's Minister of Agriculture and Forestry allows him to indulge in $10 million party weekends and dozens of high-end cars and homes around the world -- while his people barely survive on about $1 per day, and little drinking water. As we reported back in February, Obiang was recently looking to buy a yacht for $300 million; or, three times his country's health and education budget.

But the human-rights-infringing fairytale might finally be coming to an end.

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Eli Broad makes it rain. For himself.

​Mama always said the rich don't get that way by spending money.

She was right, of course. L.A.'s second-wealthiest man, Eli Broad, has made an art of using OPM (other people's money) to erect a shrine to himself -- a Grand Avenue museum and office -- downtown.

First he got $52 million of your money to build a parking garage for his art and offices (at a time when the city is cutting back on police -- although this cash comes from a separate, "redevelopment" fund). And now ...

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Politico

Soon to be ours!

​Good thing we checked our spam folder this morning! Because, buried among Obama scams and penis enlargers, we discovered a total gold mine: A business proposal from an alleged associate of former Eqyptian president and world-class scumbag Hosni Mubarak.

The evil dictator-turned-prison bait is currently in a bit of a legal bind, thanks to the approximately $80 billion he hoarded while the rest of Egypt went dirt-poor -- so, understandably, he needs somewhere to stash all that cash before it's frozen for good.

And, by some inexplicable stroke of luck, he wants us to be the ones to help him out, in exchange for "huge sums of money"! Check it out:

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Bossip

Just another day in the life of Teodorin Obiang

​"I've been very lucky in business ... and I like to live well." -- Teodorin Obiang

We mostly stick to small-fry targets like West Hollywood politicians who green-light towering concrete atrocities and Los Angeles mayors who green-light six-foot walls around their mansions, but because 41-year-old Teodorin Obiang happens to be a resident of L.A. County's very own Malibu community and because third-world dictators are so damn hot right now, we're going to aim a little higher today.

Obiang's family heads the small African nation of Equatorial Guinea (it's a technical democracy -- like, the way Egypt was a democracy), and has a pretty bad rap around those parts. According to the UK Guardian, his father "has ruled for more than 30 years and been accused of grave human rights violations. Forbes magazine estimated his wealth at around $600m."

Might as well pile on a $380 million yacht, right?

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ABC News

​When Jacqueline Getty was getting divorced from Peter Getty last year, she asked the court for more than $500,000 a month to support her habit as a former member of the Getty clan.

A judge said no, and decided that the grandson of billionaire oil tycoon J. Paul Getty only had to cough up $83,000 a month.

But apparently, according to a lawsuit Jacqueline filed against Getty earlier this week in Los Angeles Superior Court, Jacqueline isn't getting the cash Getty supposedly promised, to support her "in the manner in which [she] had been accustomed as a member of the 'Getty family.'" More >>

Act soon, or your hard-earned cashmoney will go toward education

​If you're going to waste a perfectly crisp Washington on a one-in-a-bagillion chance of winning the lottery, at least check to see if your impulse buy was worth the shame.

One lottery hopeful (or not-so-hopeful) has yet to discover that his or her ticket is loaded with five out of six of the winning numbers -- enough to rake in $197,117.

It's painful to think about: the golden ticket crumpled in the garbage with a corner-store receipt, or living the pathetic life of a coffee-table coaster. Please, for all our sakes, if you bought a Mega Millions ticket from Lorena Market at 3360 E. Olympic Blvd. five months ago, turn that shit in already! If not --

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We're rich -- in a statistic-skewing, ratio-dismissing kinda way -- bitch!

​Recession be damned. Of 55,000 Americans worth over $30 million, almost 20 percent live in California -- more than any other state.

Wealth-X, the self-proclaimed world leader in "wealth intelligence," reports that 9,800 of these "ultra high net worth individuals" (that's UHNW to you, street rat) choose to live their lavish rich-person lives in the Golden State, compared to 7,300 in New York and 5,200 in Texas.

Yeah, so our overall population...

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I remember when my biggest problem was a wayward kite

​Remember those X-tra X-treme new $100 bills the U.S. government introduced via triumphant Internet vid last spring? [Watch after jump.] Well, so absurdly turbocharged with new-age gadgetry were they, that the Benjamins seem to have outfoxed their maker.

A billion (or so) of the bills caused printers to glitch, crumpling/folding them on the way through so that patches of ink are missing.

Now, the whole lot has been packaged into stacks of $1.6 million and frantically shut away in huge vaults in Texas and Washington, D.C. Needless to say, the February 2011 release date has been scratched indefinitely.

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