Darwin Bell

It got so hot at Coachella over the weekend there was an explosion.

No, not the kind seen on-stage at the Coachella festival when holographic Tupac was on the mic: This was a real, honest-to-goodness blast of fire at an Indio McDonald's.

Riverside County Sheriff's officials say this is what happened:

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So let's get this straight: During a week when the most pressing issue at the L.A. City Council was a toothless "resolution" condemning conservative talk-radio hosts for their racist leanings, the body passed up an opportunity to block a Chinatown Walmart that, it would seem, none of the powers that be in town (read: unions) want?

Say what?

It's true. The City Council missed a deadline ...

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Gloria.

Gloria Allred is perhaps the most sophisticated of celebrity lawyers. If there's a booby being inappropriately touched in the workplace somewhere, you know she'll be front-and-center with the victim, surrounded by a sea of news cameras.

But today Allred herself is being painted as a, well, boob.

She inadvertently blasted her media contact list to her ... media contacts yesterday. This gives you some insight into how Allred shamelessly gets press:

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Budget Bytes

Safety Tip: inspect burrito before consuming.

Life is like a burrito--you never know what you are going to get. One day it could be carnitas; the next it could be black tar heroin or a meat thermometer.

One LAUSD student was the unlucky eater of a thermometer burrito served up by her school's cafeteria. Yesterday, the parents of Dahlia Douglas filed suit against the school district over the incident, alleging that negligent supervision and negligent hiring of cafeteria workers were to blame, the L.A. Daily News reports.

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Tesla

En route to Coachella? Hope it's charged ...

So you paid nearly $130,000 for your new, environmentally friendly, Ed Begley Jr.-orgasm-machine known as the Tesla Roadster: Al Gore will be stopping by any minute to give you an autographed driving glove.

But while you're waiting for the ex-vice president to congratulate you for saving the planet while still somehow remaining a BMW-level douche, be sure to keep that ride plugged in.

Because if you don't it could become a huge, six-figure ...

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Numero uno.

You're flying along and suddenly two F-16 fighters pull up alongside your little Cessna 182 and kindly ask that you get the hell down. There's marijuana on-board (allegedly), so ...

A) You're paranoid and seeing things; B) They know! C) You're a dumbass who just violated a federal no-fly rule created to make way for President Obama's visit to Los Angeles.

You know, of course, the answer is ...

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Marcelo Moltedo

If you ever wondered why we celebrate love and romance in the middle of winter, with fresh spring-like flowers, no less, a UCLA professor has the answer:

We're wrong.

The director of UCLA's Center for Medieval and Renaissance Studies, Henry Ansgar Kelly, says we got the date mixed up (wouldn't be a first for us guys):

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If you've got a $1 million marijuana farm and hash-making operation back at the old casa, you might want to take to the streets with the lowest of profiles.

But sheriff's officials allege that Harry Kaladjian's suspended driver's license unraveled a serious pot operation at his residence when they pulled him over during a simple traffic stop in unincorporated Lancaster.

Not only did Kaladjian have a suspended driver's license, sheriff's officials say, but ...

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Discrimination is an ugly thing (says the guy who gets keys tossed at him at the valet stand), so it's important we don't accuse innocents.

The city of Palmdale today announced that, in fact, that was the case when the California NAACP and The Community Action League brought a suit against it for alleged housing discrimination in government-supported apartments.

Turns out ...

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Family Guy

Herbert.

The annals of criminal stupidity usually come down to one thing:

Choosing the wrong victim.

Not to endorse picking on the vulnerable, but our pages here have been awash with stories of retards who targeted cops and or other able-bodied victims only to get their asses thoroughly kicked. We love it.

On that note, Jack Goodwin is one of those bad boys you don't want to f--- with. And he's ...

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Ara Najarian: Damn, this photo looks suspiciously velvet.

Oh no he didn't.

Some Eastsiders are up in arms because Glendale City Councilman Ara Najarian said he didn't want to see his city turn into another East L.A.

The comment came as Glendale is moving toward downsizing business signs or ordering them removed altogether. Here's what Najarian told the Glendale News-Press:

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bigoneep

A view worth crashing for?

Legendary radio DJ Casey Kasem's trademark sign-off is, "Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars." Maybe, for safety's sake, he should change it to, "Keep your car on the road and keep reaching for the stars."

A driver in the mountains above Glendora was reportedly hoping to find a good place to view a meteor shower in the skies above when the car he was in plunged 100 feet off of the road, authorities told the Weekly.

Oops. It all happened ...

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