All researchers had to do was stand in line outside the Abbey.

​Economists have been watching various industries very closely in this (very slow-mo) bounceback from the low point of the Great Recession, trying to guess which one would pull out ahead.

Thanks to West Hollywood-based online company CitySearch (in collaboration with market-research firm Harris Interactive), we now have an answer, and an awesome one at that:

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boobsandbotox.info

Nothing lures the 90210 real-estate sharks like free Botox.

​Times are tough -- even for the 1 percent. Apparently, $8.5 million mansions in Beverly Hills aren't exactly going like hotcakes these days.

So when the hopeful seller of one such estate approached real-estate agent Michael Gardner with her dilemma -- "Freshen up my listing," he says she told him -- Gardner decided to give all those other sleazy Westside agents what they really wanted out of another Tuesday-afternoon open house: eternal youth.

Or, to be exact, a $300 giveaway of 27 Botox units. "Enough to deal with the 11s between your eyes," says Gardner --

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Is Deutsche Bank CEO Josef Ackermann the latest, greatest L.A. slumlord?

​After a decade of shelling out loans to any poor fool who would bite and picking up properties like a game of mindless monopoly, the billion-dollar Deutsche Bank empire is in some major doo-doo with the U.S. -- and Los Angeles -- government.

Just one day after the feds sued Deutsche for approving almost 40,000 loans "in blatant disregard" of whether loaners could pay the money back (our own banks get paid for their negligence; but hell if we let some German scumbags profit off desperate American renters), L.A. City Attorney Carmen Trutanich is hitting the bank with a second lawsuit while it's weak and unpopular.

The L.A. suit goes far beyond loans:

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Zastavki

Whad'ya say we all just move to Antarctica

​What a bone-chilling way to slide into December. Not to mention the holidays.

• We woke up this morning after a night of visible breath and twinkly lights to the news that unemployment benefits will likely terminate for 2 million people by the end of the month. The whole bipartisan thing is going swimmingly, as usual: The Democrats in Congress want desperately to extend the 99-week fund, whereas Republicans, though they've expressed similar interest, want to relieve the $14 trillion national debt before bruising it some more. Of course, tax breaks for the rich...More >>

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  antelope valley, cold, freezing, U.S. Congress, unemployment, unemployment rate

Kevin Scanlon

Ciara, 20, earned $8,000 one week, half of which she gets to keep. She supports her boyfriend, who has cancer, and his mother.

​Check out the Weekly's cover story, "The Family Prostitute," this week, about California woman going to Nevada in some significant numbers to work in the legal brothels there to pay their bills.

So much for the recovery.

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