How do sperm swim?
halloweenexpress.com
Any way they can, you answer with a pu-dum-pum added on for effect. But seriously, UCLA researchers used some of your public support to answer this burning question. And the result is surprising:
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Men are pigs.
Voitek Pendrak / Flickr
And to prove it, an L.A.-based website about all things masculine has unleashed a poll of some of its readers showing that most guys show up on dates ill prepared, e.g. without condoms. Of course, this could just mean that ...
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Men are whore-mongering pervs. But only in their secret lives.
L.A. County
That has been the rap on American guys, at least since the postwar days when the infamous Kinsey report discovered that more than two-thirds of men had paid for prostitutes in their lifetimes.
New research published in Southern California is challenging this assumption:
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Joe Jonas, a sometime area resident who once wore a no-sex "purity ring" in his days with boy band Jonas Brothers, did not have sex on tape, his rep says.
joejonasmusic.com
News of a Jonas sex video has rocked our world here at LA Weekly World Headquarters. But -- alas -- not only did Jonas not go all bondage-style with supermodel gf Blanda Eggenschwiler, he tweets that the whole notion of getting leathered up is so not his style:
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The firm PayScale, which calculates market salaries for employees and employers, didn't rank L.A. as a top city in America for finding love at work. Nor did we make the list of top towns even for finding a workplace fling. Los Angeles is not known for coworkers who are "on the prowl."
'Sexy CEO' by Jakob Motrosio / Flickr
Bummer.
But, given that L.A. is the home of Hollywood, it's no surprise that we did make one PayScale top 10 list:
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Women might say what they really want is an intellectual, job-having, problem-solving, understanding man.
Steve Bowbrick / Flickr
But what they go for is often what appeals first to their eyes -- just like guys do.
New research from Caltech, the home of the rocket scientist, delves into even more complex matters -- human mating and speed dating -- and discovers what women and men really want:
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If you think figuring out the key to a woman's sexuality and attraction to men is complicated, a new UCLA study basically just confirmed that old stereotype.
Steven Connors / Flickr
But ... the academics did provide you with a better road map to understanding the complexities of that being we know as the human female.
Some of the findings are, frankly, a little funny:
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Listen up Charlie Sheen, Anthony Weiner and the entire porn industry.
@charliesheen
The good folks at UCLA have come up with a set of scientific criteria for what ails you, a.k.a., sex addiction. And the new guidelines make this one step closer to becoming recognized as a legitimate mental disorder along the lines of drug addiction.
Seriously, though, it could be a good thing. It could help you get the help you need:
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Whoever declared a few years back that Halloween has basically turned into Dress Like A Hooker Day was indeed a prophetic genius.
Sportsheets
It won't be long until we simply go out as walking genitalia. Until then, the viral success of the kink-infested book Fifty Shades of Grey has at least kept a small layer of modesty on our backs by suggesting that the fresh costume for Halloween 2012 is ...
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Why are disgusting things like sweat and body odor not so bad during sex?
Brendan / Flickr Ew?
Well, the answer is, nobody knows exactly why, but researchers recently did reveal this possibility:
Women let down their guards during sex when it comes to stuff that would normally turn them off.
Yeah, that mythical on-off button might really exist (if you're Ryan Reynolds):
One more reason for dudes to walk around like they're hoarding the Eighth World Wonder in their boxer-briefs:
Wikipedia Surprise: Team USA is hibernating in your ball sack.
UCLA has revealed that human sperm can swim in a gorgeous, nature-perfect, three-dimensional spiral -- not unlike the helix formed by human DNA, aesthetically -- instead of just squiggling along in a desperate, haphazard route to the finish line.
Well, they still do that, too. But scientists discovered that...
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Sexting is the new teen scourge, apparently.
hotforwords / YouTube
Yet another academic study has found that more than 1 in 10 teens have been sexting lately. This research, however, is local: 1839 students in the L.A. Unified School District were questioned about their texting.
The results?
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The old stereotype of "Captain Save-A-Ho," the sad sack who wants to fall in love with the women he pays for sex and attention, might actually have some truth to it.
The Hangover
A new study by L.A. sex expert Christine Milrod and George Washington University sociology Professor Ronald Weitzer found that one out of three men who employ ladies- (and, we guess, other men) of-the-night want a real relationship as well as a personal training session in bed:
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Teens and twentysomethings are having lots of oral sex, it seems, partly because they think it's safer than the other kind, according to a new Centers for Disease Control study.
Corey Ann/Flickr
It's not true that oral is safer, of course, and this might explain why American kids are coming up with increasing rates of STDs even as the number of them having regular sex is, um, going down.
Add to all that the fact that California has seen a bump in STDs:
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It's good to know that, since last year, the nation has evolved in the freaky department.
Adam & Eve Teagan Presley
After Adam & Eve's annual top [straight-couple] sexual positions survey last year found that Americans liked missionary best, we were quite sure Rick Santorum and his spiffy sweater vests were going to take the presidential contest by storm.
Whew. So here's the new big thing, according to the sex-product company that happens to make adult videos right here in L.A:
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This Kardashian phenomenon is really part of a national zeitgeist concerning big butts.
Skechers
Hear us out: The rise of well-proportioned Kim Kardashian and her big-bone-ded sisters corresponds to the national malaise we call the Great Recession (2007-2009) and beyond.
According to new research published this week in the journal PLoS ONE, times of stress turn everyday men into ass men:
Those crazy conservative Christians think Hollywood is ruining America and inspiring teens everywhere to have sex.
MGM / '9 1/2 Weeks' 'Take off your dwess.'
If they were right America would be booming with overpopulation instead of putting the brakes on procreation. Well, there is birth control ...
A recent study to be published in the journal Psychological Science concludes that hot movie sex indeed seems to have inspired early adolescents to get freaky:
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Besides classing up your appearance like a an Ed Hardy cap worn backward, energy drinks can also apparently erase any of the potential gains of a college education in the span of just one night.
The late, great Four Loko (alcohol-and-energy version).
That's because new research suggests that mixing the likes of Red Bull, Monster or Rockstar with your favorite alcohol can quickly turn your life into a trailer park drama.
The study, published recently in the Journal of Adolescent Health, concludes:
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At a San Fernando City Council meeting last November, then-Mayor Hernandez abruptly announced he was filing for personal bankruptcy. "And secondly," Hernandez added, "I'd like to put out there, to squash the rumors that, yes, I have been in a relationship with Councilwoman De La Torre." Audible gasps. 
Tessa Stuart Maribel De La Torre at the San Fernando City Council meeting
That's when his wife, Anna, who was sitting in the front row, stood up. "That's why I'm here," she said. "We weren't separated." Cue the dramatic music.
Last night, no fewer than five TV trucks showed up to film the thrilling conclusion to the San Fernando telenovela, in which the former lovers -- who filed competing restraining orders against each other last week -- would have to sit side by side and discuss city finances, despite court orders that they remain 100 yards apart.
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Some research has shown that preteens are hitting puberty at younger and younger ages.
hotforwords / YouTube
It looks like technology is catching up with kids, or vice-versa: A new study finds that 1 out of 4 teenagers has texted or emailed nude pictures, and half have been asked for a naked photo.
The study, published in the Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine online, concludes that parents just don't understand. According to a summary:
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