Terry

We know that you've done your own research and that you're adamant Los Angeles has the worst traffic than pretty much anyplace other than hell.

But you're wrong.

According to the new annual "Traffic Scorecard" released today by traffic data company Inrix ...

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zerega

For those who oppose building a stadium downtown because, they argue, we just can't handle the traffic, this weekend could be the ultimate test:

It's being called the perfect storm of sports events: The Lakers, Clippers and Kings are all playing in playoffs at Staples Center this weekend. And a bike race, with road closures, is coming through Sunday morning. Staples officials will release parking-lot maps for weekend visitors tomorrow, they tell us.

Staples spokesman Michael Roth tells the Weekly it's all good:

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L.A. is good to Obama.

Updated at the bottom with all known street closures. (See also: "Obama Totally Screws Up Gay Activists' Plans to Protest His L.A. Visit Tomorrow.")

Originally posted May 9 at 9:15 a.m.

We might as well get used to President Obama making campaign stops in Los Angeles. His most moneyed and important donors are based in Hollywood -- important, because nothing wins the hip liberal vote like a brush with a Best Actor nominee, except maybe slow-jammin' the news -- and we all know he has a thing for Roscoe's.

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Timothy Rebudal

Closed road = open road

Earlier this week, we were shaking in our seldom-used rain boots at the prospect of showers and wind this weekend. Good news! By CicLAvia Sunday the chance of precipitation drops to zero. The National Weather Service predicts it will be sunny with a high near 70 degrees. Bad news (for drivers, anyway)! Ten miles of road--from Melrose all the way to Boyle Heights, through downtown--will be closed on Sunday to accomodate the bicycling event.

The following roads will be closed:

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pestcemetery.com

Times 19,000.

A vehicle merging onto the 10 West this morning swerved into the path of the wrong big rig.

CHP Officer Kerri Ribas says just after 8 a.m., a car on the Vincent Avenue on-ramp "went out of control" -- causing a semi in the slow lane to topple and spill its load all over the freeway.

The precious cargo?

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Carmageddon parents get festive with the nursery paint.

NBC LA just dropped the hottest expose of 2012 (besides maybe the "teen Twitter party" epidemic in the Hills): a possible baby boom resulting from the 405 shutdown last summer. Otherwise known as Carmageddon, or the apocalyptic traffic forecast that never happened -- instead turning L.A. into a serene, pedestrian- and cyclist-friendly urban paradise.

"Our prenatal classes are actually fuller than they often are, so it may actually be a premonition..."

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ABC7

Heist gone wrong?

Wondering why you're stuck in a traffic jam from hell during what should be a breezy Good Friday rush hour?

The hold-up has everything to do with a mysterious armored vehicle (Bruce Willis, are you in there??) dangling off the 5 South overpass in Boyle Heights, glaring down menacingly at the 10 West and dripping all its gas onto a freeway exit.

Lovely! ABC7 has been airing some pretty spellbinding footage of the big "teeter" all afternoon...

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Shawndeeia Bowen via Facebook

On the third day of Distracted Driving Awareness Month, the Torrance Police Department hit the distracted-driving jackpot.

Not only do cops say that 29-year-old Hawthorne resident Shawndeeia Bowen was texting while driving on Tuesday afternoon, but she was allegedly doing so while carrying her baby daughter on her lap. With a suspended license, no less.

Gen-Y multitasking at its ugliest! And as for the driver's other two kids:

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Kentucky Country Day

Oh boy.

Let's just start off by saying this is the first time in the history of human civilization that a stereotype ended up being 100 percent true.

It turns out that teen girls are twice as likely as their male counterparts to text while driving.

Huge surprise, we know. The AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety ...

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To run, or not to run?

The wait has paid off for all us rebels who refused to pay our red-light camera tickets!

LA Weekly reassured you of the good news all through 2011. In July, "L.A. City Council Says You Don't Have to Pay Your Red-Light Camera Tickets." In September, "Are You Sure I Don't Have to Pay My L.A. County Red-Light Camera Ticket?" And in October, "Calm Down, L.A., You Still Don't Have to Pay Them."

Yesterday, the L.A. Police Commission made it even more official:

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Hidden camera: 40 feet behind you in Franklin Canyon, a camera snaps your rear plate and sends you a $175 ticket.

As Michael Goldstein reports in "Parks Agency Money Grab" in the print L.A. Weekly, the Santa Monica Mountains, a free Los Angeles treasure beloved by hikers and dog-walkers, are not as free as they seem.

Seven "stop sign cameras" have been placed by the Mountains Recreation and Conservation Authority on rustic scenic drives and out-of-the-way parking lots, creating a cash cow for the agency. 70,000 visitors have been ticketed at $175 a pop. Parks officials insist they are reducing danger. But no reportable accidents have occurred at any camera location since 2005, either before or after cameras were installed.

If you want to avoid the seven ticket traps in the local parks, see the map:

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LACMA

The rock prior to captivity.

The Los Angeles Department of Transportation announced Monday it will be implementing rolling (get it?) street closures to accommodate LACMA's Levitated Mass as it crawls through the the busiest corridor of its route at speeds of 5 to 8 miles per hour.

The 340-ton rock is about halfway through an 11-stop, 106-mile slog across the Southland -- from a Riverside County quarry, to the Los Angeles County Museum of Art where it will be part of an installation created by the artist Michael Heizer. The rock, which spent last night in La Mirada, will depart from its perch on Leffingwell Road between 10 and 11 p.m. tonight.

Here are the streets to avoid Monday through Friday nights this week:

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Kevin Winter/Getty Images

Obama will stay at the Beverly Hills Hilton

Bad news, residents of Beverly Hills and Century City--he's baaaack. Seems like just yesterday President Obama was in town to charm the pants off (and to tap the deep pockets of) well-positioned Angelenos, and here he comes again with his motorcade and trail of pesky Occupy LA protesters--just in time for your afternoon commute.

The President is set to arrive at 4pm, then head to a dinner hosted by Will Ferrell at the home of the creator of "The Bold and the Beautiful." Tomorrow he'll attend a private breakfast in Corona del Mar. When he is in L.A., Obama is quite fond of staying the Beverly Hills Hilton--a tidbit that won't help him fight that "elitist" stereotype.

Here's a list of when and where to avoid the president.

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Oh, come on, you know you've been awaiting the return of President Obama.

The east-west traffic. The Secret Service. The roar of the helicopters. L.A. loves us some Obama ... when he's not here.

Oh well: Read 'em and weep, because the prez is returning to the L.A. area to tap some deep pockets:

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CBS2

Carmageddon. For real this time.

Updated after the jump: The 60 will remain closed for days, and the Paramount Boulevard overpass will need complete reconstruction.

Originally posted December 14 at 3 p.m.

About two-and-a-half hours after a tanker truck burst into flames on the 60 freeway through Montebello, parts of the vehicle were still on fire.

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NoiseCollusion

Toldya we're good at stuff in L.A. Like putting Asian meat in tacos, producing porn and creating traffic nightmares like nobody's business.

Yeah baby. L.A.'s number one once again when it comes to the nation's top "congestion leaders," e.g. f----- up freeways. In fact we grabbed seven of the top 10 spots in the Texas Transportation Institute's inaugural Congested Corridors Report.

Number one (with a bullet)?

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The debacle that refused to die.

Looks like all those goody two shoes who paid their red-light camera tickets last month -- against the hard advice of select City Councilmembers, traffic lawyers and, well, this very blogger -- just screwed things up for the rest of us.

Though the L.A. City Council already abolished the completely ineffective red-light camera program in early summer (and good riddance), our elected officials took a major step back today. They voted, 11-2, to keep collecting fines for yet-unpaid tickets.

Their infuriating rationale, provided by Assistant Chief Legislative Analyst June Gibson:

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Occupy Los Angeles via Facebook

Nowhere, fast.

If your commute takes you under the 101 freeway's North Broadway overpass at rush hour, get ready for at least three-and-a-half more months of rowdy 99 percenters dangling their Wall Street insults all up in your windshields.

Beginning today at 5 p.m., Occupy L.A. has voted to "protest at the nearby freeway overpasses and bridges for both morning and evening rush hours."

That's twice a day for two hours until 7 p.m. on January 31, if protesters make good on their Facebook event. Here's a video preview of what they've got in store:

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Los Angeles Injury Lawyer Blog

This again.

Aside from a couple end-of-summer showers so far this year, yesterday was the first real rainy day of 2011.

And you know what a rainy day means in L.A.: People are going to freak the F out, creating a traffic tangle worse than the Internet trying to reconcile the Occupy protests with the death of 1-percenter Steve Jobs.

California Highway Patrol spokesman Francisco Villalobos tells us there were 481 collisions throughout L.A. County from 6 a.m. to 4 p.m. yesterday, as opposed to...

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WeHo Daily

If only L.A. had some good public transportation options for Obama to take

Update: Side-line information from left-wing group press officer after the break.

Update: Street protests happening now from left-wing group outside Obama's first stop at the House of Blues Sunset. Also, updates on traffic and street closures after the jump.

Calm down Tea Partiers. Obamaggedon does not mean the end of Obama as president.

It means that Mr. President's visit to West Hollywood and surrounding areas on September 26 could mean street closures and significant delays. Last time Obama was in town at USC, closures of Exposition Boulevard, Vermont Avenue, Figueroa lasted for several hours.

This time could be just as bad.

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