Attention, Colbert Nation: Top 7 Thoughts For Food, Courtesy Stephen Colbert

Comedy Central

When Stephen Colbert isn't busy campaigning to be President, having a treadmill named after him in outer space, or testifying on immigration reform on Capitol Hill, he takes a few moment to address our favorite topic: food. In a recurring segment called "Thought For Food," Colbert cracks us up as he cracks down on America's obesity epidemic, gazillion-calorie fast food innovations and other downright strange -- read: newsworthy -- food stories. Edible cat litter, anyone?

1. Carl's Jr.'s Footlong Burger
With 850 calories and 20 grams of saturated fat, we were kind of shocked that the foot-long burger's nutritional tally isn't worse. But as Colbert points out, this sandwich (or is it a burger?) is a dangerous threat to our health and heart. "In lieu of flowers, next of kin would like a side of onion rings."

Carl's Jr.

Carl's Jr. Foot-long Burger

2. Friendly's Grilled Cheese Burger Melt
Part grilled cheese sandwich(es) and part burger, Colbert describes this sandwich as if, "Your lunch and two other people's lunches are having a three-way in your mouth." And not in a good way. This sandwich is surprisingly worse -- at least from a nutritional standpoint -- than the Carl's Jr. footlong burger. It's got 870 calories and a whopping 38 grams of fat. If we're going to introduce that much heart-stoppage into our system, it better be from Kobe beef, cave-aged Gruyère and La Brea Bakery bread, not from processed beef and American cheese.

Friendly's

Friendly's Grilled Cheese Burger Melt

3. The Candwich
Let's start with the good: at least this sandwich is portion-controlled. Now for the not-so-good "For years," says Colbert, "theoretical sandwologists had promised that man would one day be able to preserve and enjoy a sandwich with the same technology used to store motor oil." We can only begin to imagine the squished consistency of said sandwich, especially that of the peanut butter/strawberry jam and peanut butter/grape jam varieties. But, here's where it really goes downhill because the third flavor is -- you might want to sit down -- BBQ Chicken. We'll stick with Char Siu Bao, thanks.

New York Times

Meet the Canwich