Top Five Worst Vodkas: Don't Drink These Now

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Full disclosure: We are not inherent vodka fans, though we have been swayed by the occasional lilting cocktail based on Hangar One's Buddha's Hand vodka. But we'll get straight to the sour apple martini point: Our Top Five Don't Drink These Now Vodkas.

5. Bakon Vodka
Much as we love the Idaho terroir of the Russet potato-based Bakon Vodka, we prefer our bacon in chewable, fat-laden form. Still, the savory side to this flavored vodka does have its cocktail mixing merits, so if bacon-flavored vodka miraculously replaces the now ubiquitous bacon garnish spear atop every Bloody Mary in town, we'll consider it a small brunch victory.

4. Belvedere Bloody Mary Vodka
Speaking of Bloody Marys, the Belvedere Bloody Mary Vodka website proclaims that "seven essential Bloody Mary ingredients" such as tomatoes, horseradish, peppers and lemon flavors have been infused in this vodka so you can drink your Bloody Mary straight up, no tomato juice required. Call us crazy, but at 10 a.m., sticking to that 75% tomato juice concoction sounds like a much wiser, and tastier, idea.

3. Smirnoff Green Apple Vodka
Ah, the neon-green sour apple martini. A cocktail we keep thinking surely must have long since disappeared from those 1990s-era chain restaurant menus, until we wind up at an Outback Steakhouse in the middle of a cross-country road trip (yeah, don't ask). The sour apple martini rage has hardly soured, so we will do our part by pouring anything down the drain that furthers the proliferation of neon green, such as Smirnoff's Green Apple vodka. (Yes, it appears Outback really does use this Smirnoff vodka in its version).