10 Food Predictions for 2012
5. Kogi chef Roy Choi is revealed to be the evil clone of David Chang, spawned several years ago by a miso-fermenting experiment gone terribly wrong. At the 2012 James Beard Awards the two engage in a Highlander-esque battle marked by its heavy use of kimchi and chicharrón.
gsnyder There can only be one
4. Locally sourced restaurants will supplement their on-site gardens with the additional of on-site livestock pastures. Inspired by avant-garde restaurants such as Noma, some will invite guests to milk their own glass of milk from a house cow. Diners will later complain that ordering the steak has become much more ethnically challenging.
Flickr/jankopetkovic Milk your own glass
3. Ricardo Zarate, head chef of Picca, shockingly announces his retirement from cooking after discovering the lucrative profits of amateur Alpaca farming. Sometime later, an artisanal line of alpaca fur-lined oven mitts takes the culinary world by storm.
gsnyder Man vs. Alpaca
2. The coffee world enters into a Fifth Wave. [Editor's note: The fourth wave? See The New Yorker.] Coffee will be hand-grown, hand-picked, hand-roasted and hand-brewed, ensuring that numerous people will have touched your coffee by the time you drink it. Beans will become so precisely sourced that each bag will be accompanied by a brief biography of the plant's life.
Flickr/koffeekaiser The extreme-coarse grind
1. Restaurants that feature seasonal rotating menus will become so advanced that the traditional paper menu will become obsolete. Instead, kitchen staffers will be forced to make up the menu as soon as they are asked for it. The restaurant's name, address and bathroom location will also rotated regularly, making the reviews of confused Yelpers essentially meaningless.
Flickr/ChrisGoldNY Is this even an actual restaurant?
Follow Garrett Snyder on Twitter @searchanddevour.