Taco Bell Introduces Mountain Dew Cocktail + The Death of Mixology

By Garrett Snyder Wed., May 30 2012 at 8:30 AM

The Breakfast Beverage of Champions

After surviving the Doritos Taco Loco and the Beefy Nacho Burrito -- billed as a plate of chili cheese nachos rolled into a flour tortilla -- we figured that the indigestion engineers at Taco Bell would have a hard time outdoing themselves. It turns out we were very, very wrong.

Taco Bell recently introduced its newest breakfast item, a mimosa-esque cocktail of orange juice and Mountain Dew called MTN DEW A.M. We imagine it was created to please the eager niche of go-getters who think that pre-11 a.m. is too early for a pure dose of Mountain Dew but are content with cutting their caffeine-loaded beverage with a splash of nutritious O.J. Heck, you can just add booze and you've pretty much created a poor man's Four Loko.

Ah, but only if Taco Bell would leave it at that. Most egregious of all, they're branding the beverage as "mixology," a word that quickly has become as ubiquitous and bastardized as "artisan" or "all-natural." To quote the great Iñigo Montoya, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." If this can be called mixology, clearly the time we spent making soda "suicides" in grade school is equivalent to a bartending academy.

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Tags:

Garrett Snyder, Mountain Dew, Taco Bell

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John Piotrowski

It's really good! A friend of mine has been mixing Mt. Dew and OJ for years. Add some vodka and you've got a Screw Dew.

Mike Blair

inconceivable!

Bigmouth

Eww, Mountain Dew and OJ!

Greg

Taco Bell, giving food snobs everywhere an excuse to whine.

Here's the deal: Taco Bell is not the death of food. I've never seen so many people so bent out of shape over meat and cheese inside a shell. The Dorito taco is delicious, as are most of their menu items, at least to normal people. Their food doesn't make you (dump) uncontrollably.

Seriously, it's like some people are too good for Taco Bell. Get the stick out of your butt, put your nose down and eat some tasty Mexican food. You won't die; in fact, you'll probably enjoy it.

Questor Nolittle

I appreciate pithy prose and a well-written rant as much as the next man, so, kudos on the above post as far as, er, biting social commentary goes... pun intended.

Where I disagree is about the simple goodness of Mountain Dew and Orange Juice mixed 50/50. You're right, it is hardly mixology, but it is one of the best-tasting drinks in the history of, well, drinks. I have been enjoying this particular breakfast beverage for 30+ years, and my kids have never known a time when this was not a staple breakfast item... and since it's always 6AM somewhere in the world, we actually have it any time we think of it.

Read the ingredients of Mountain Dew and you'll find that it already contains orange juice (percentage unknown), which means we are simply increasing the orange juice quotient by some large amount, rather than doing something unholy or disgusting. The fact that the concoction provides one's morning caffene hit is just icing on the cake, allowing it to replace coffee on those days when brewing coffee is inconvenient or not possible.

Now, back to where we agree... I am quite sure that Taco Bell will find a way to mess it up. I mean, they couldn't possibly provide the simple 50/50 mix that is optimal, no chain looking to maximize profit from every possible sale would leave that alone.

Some MBA-type without taste buds will determine that the OJ costs a bit more per unit, and will alter the mix to make another half a cent per sale, and it will therefore taste like polluted Mountain Dew rather than anything actually innovative or new, alas. I'll be shocked if they get it right. And, regardless if they make it perfectly or pathetically, they'll likely charge some ridiculous premium for it, as though it was a shake or smoothie or something.

But, setting some of that aside, I'll have to try it before I dis it further, and I strongly recommend at least the idea, for any of you reading this, to try at home... where a can of Mtn Dew is $.20, and 8 oz of OJ is probably a bit less, depending on brand and whether you bought it on sale at the local grocery store. So, for 30 cents or so, you can prepare the perfect mix (50/50) and find a new favorite breakfast (or anytime) delight to start out your day. BTW, it goes good with most things except brownies and cookies. Milk still has its place in the grand scheme...