The Vegan Sellout List: Ex-Vegans Get the Public Humiliation They Deserve
Once you go vegan, you can never go back. This has nothing to do with the allure of almond cheese and kale chips. When you're a vegan, specifically one who has turned your lifestyle choice into a public platform, a bite of steak is a fall from grace, not an evolution.
When it comes to ex-vegans who once trumpeted the cause, the Vegan Sellout List is here to ensure they (and we) never forget their transgressions.
The interface is simple: You click on a state and a list of sellouts pops up. You see their pictures and a brief blurb explaining why they suck. Hint: The explanation always hinges on the fact that they used to be vegan.
As you might expect, Los Angeles is full of these sullied devils. Matt Cronk of the band Qui apparently "meatwashed" his music's radical pro-vegan message and joined the National Guard. Natalie Portman makes the list and is also dismissed as not vegan for having kids. Chris Day, formerly a singer for pro-vegan bands, is now derided as an insurance salesman for "the man" whose own mother exposed his pro-bacon tendencies.
We're torn. With turns of phrase like "paleo-terrorism" and "swarms of haughty, nose-turning carnists," this site is so absurd, we know it's a joke -- or at least believe some jokesters have infiltrated the ranks of posters. And yet there's something about even the most ridiculous of accusations that makes us feel that they could be legitimate. If so, the posters have effectively appropriated the inflexible, self-important rhetoric of the militant vegan bully.
That said, there's something to be said for calling people out, although such public humiliation should be reserved only for former activists -- those who once cast stones themselves. We prefer to think the Vegan Sellout List is run by omnivores eager to satirize. In any case, an Omnivore Sellout List is in order: a website dedicated to outing proud, punctilious new vegan punks who just months prior were wearing suede and eating all their meals at McDonald's.
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