James Deen Wants to Put His Burrito in Your Mouth
Porn star James Deen has two passions: women and food. And when he loves something, be it a chick or a chicken sandwich, he's going to shoot a video about it -- and he'll probably take his shirt off. Deen's Twitter account, which he uses to wheedle fans into bringing him a burrito, is a celebration of his carnal and literal hungers, and proof that to him, food is everything from romance ("Fuck flowers... Show her you love her by surprising her with a pizza when you know she will be hungry") to genealogy ("For all those asking ... Paula deen is not my mom. I'm HER mom ... DUH!!!!!!") to revolution ("GIVE ME CHEESE OR GIVE ME DEATH!!!!!!!").
The Canyons, Deen's mainstream film debut, in which he plays Lindsay Lohan's emotionally controlling, orgy-loving boyfriend, opens in L.A. this Friday. Wrote the Village Voice's Stephanie Zacharek, Deen "carries himself with a braggadocio that's something to behold."
But if you can't wait to behold him on the big screen, for eight months Deen's been hosting his own food show, James Deen Loves Food, on the not-totally-SFW erotic site WoodRocket.com, home of the series Topless Girls Reading Game of Thrones. There's even a sensual opening song that lists some of his favorite things to eat: Greek food, Italian food, horseradish, celery, croutons.
Wait, Deen can cook? Not really. But he can order food, like the episode in which he gets one of everything on the Burger King drive-thru menu (the stunt's jerk genius is that he orders each new item as though it's a last-minute impulse buy), the one where he methodically taste-tests 12 different ketchups, and the one where he squats behind a dumpster and samples every chili-topped dish at Tommy's Hamburgers.
In the last two, Deen ends up gagging, spilling something on his shirt, and gleefully embracing the excuse to whip it off. Hey, a guy who makes his living naked is fearless -- he's not even afraid to eat chili off the asphalt, though minutes later he weeps, "I don't like my life anymore."
Deen is also a master assembler, the creator of both the World's Most Expensive Burrito ($580.37, thanks mostly to a $170 bottle of Macallan 18 he uses to flavor the refried beans), and the staggeringly insane 26 Layer Dip, a culinary feat so tall and unwieldy, Deen could only eat it by scooping down to the bottom with his bare hand. Sample layers: #3 pork rinds, #16 mixed nuts, #21 pureed Taco Bell tacos, #25 sweet potato fries.
But Deen's oddest food obsession is reenacting the last meals of executed murders. Periodically, he slips on a striped T-shirt, steps into a fake jail cell, and tries to understand the mind of a madman through their final requests.
On Timothy McVeigh's two pints of mint chocolate chip ice cream, Deen shrugs, "Maybe he had something against ice cream and he was trying to prove a point." John Wayne Gacy's feast of a bucket of KFC, 12 fried shrimp, fries and a pound of strawberries is deemed the meal of a man with no remorse, while Deen interprets Ted Bundy's refusal to pick any meal as the killer's overconfidence in scoring a last-minute pardon.
James Deen certainly has an appetite for adventure. So what if he can't actually cook? Hey, deep-frying shirtless is painful.
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