Eat Drink Love, Episode 6: Lies + Hits + Juice Cleanses
Editor's note: As many of you know, Bravo debuted a new show about the L.A. food scene recently. Since some of us spend our
bravotv.com Sundays Thursdays watching sports instead of reality television (yes, even if it's about food; especially if it's about food), we though we'd ask a writer who writes more about television than about restaurants to cover the series. Read on for her weekly updates.
Last night's episode was so depressing I wandered around my kitchen afterwards for 30 minutes spooning pomegranate chip coconut milk ice cream into my mouth, contemplating why I wanted to jump into the ocean. Episode six just didn't have any "heart." This is a reality TV show and I understand its limited feel-good capacity, but if it's not going to have any heart, I want goofy, funny moments, and light drama like dildos in pots, taxidermy jackalopes, and meandering on farms. Instead, with the exception of a few honest moments, we got passive aggressive, nit-picky, catty, forced drama, despite everyone's pleas for wanting to come together because they're women in the restaurant industry. And that is depressing. Is this why it aired early last night? Bravo wanted to slip it past everyone? Gather up some Xanax or some morning viognier and keep reading.
It begins in Santa Ynez, tying up loose ends on the fun female Get Along Gang trip that never was. The trip was research for Kat who probably won't even write about it because they didn't do enough research. Next time I'm sure she will research the research to make sure there's enough research to research. The women cook which "brings everyone together" for forty-five minutes and they enjoy a farmstead meal outside in the beautiful, peaceful valley of Santa Ynez, where they "fucking freeze their ass off."
Last week, Jessica got offended that Waylynn called her dip "white trash," so she confronts her about it. We must ask: How many times can you say "dip" during a fight for the argument to not be taken seriously? About one. Instead of apologizing, Waylynn told her that she "meant it in a loving way and if it hurt her feelings that's your shit," and with that Jessica revoked Waylynn as her girl crush. Luckily, Kat noticed "that hot tub looks really hot," so she and Jessica go for a soak away from the tension and Kat consoles her for a second time that night. Waylynn presents Jessica a cookie crumble, berry, mint, whipped honey apology. She accepts and enjoys it in the hot hot tub. Girl crush back on.
Brenda sits and looks around the yard, reflecting, "What a special day," it was before saying, "If I wanted to spend the weekend yelling at bitches I would have stayed home with my dogs." No one will ever go back to Santa Ynez.
When in the course of human events -- when one consumes too much wine and mozzarella -- it becomes necessary to dissolve toxins and participate in a juice cleanse. Brenda is a novice but Kat has done a lot of cleanses, which are just as much a part of her job as giggling and flirting. Smile, Flirt, Juice shall be the name of her headband company. Together they stand at Pressed Juicery, ready to oxidize and dispense of toxic toxins through their digestive system, using aloe, chlorophyll, and self-determination. "How irritable am I going to get?" Brenda asks. "I'm normally, like, pretty irritable." Ha!