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7-Eleven is introducing a new low-calorie, sugar-free Slurpee at its stores nationwide this week. The offering targets women in their 20s who have bought into the whole "skinny girl" hoopla.

Right off the bat, we see a couple of problems with this move. One, we weren't aware that anyone over the age of 12 drank Slurpees. Two, at 66 calories for an 8-oz. size (about the caloric equivalent of four Saltine crackers), regular Slurpees weren't exactly liquid mac-n-cheese. The new low-cal option will contain just 20 calories, about the same as a carrot. (If you pick up a Slim Jim or some Jolly Ranchers to go with that Slurpee Lite, you are screwed.)

Because the new Slurpee Lite is made with Splenda instead of sugar, it could be a viable option for diabetics; however, they are not 7-Eleven's target audience, and, come to think of it, we've never heard our diabetic maiden aunt bemoaning the fact that she is Slurpee-deprived.

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T. Nguyen

"All-Natural" SunChips

Pleasantly surprised that the SunChips and Tostitos you munched on during the Super Bowl were stamped "All-Natural"? Hopefully, you're not a Pats fan, else you're in for another letdown: a lawsuit filed last week against the chips' manufacturer, Frito-Lay, alleges that the snacks are not all-natural because they contain genetically modified ingredients, including modified corn and oils. The suit claims that the packaging's "All-Natural" claims are deceptive and misleading to consumers who believe they're buying completely natural, non-modified snacks.

According to Reuters, Frito-Lay's "all-natural" chip lines are more expensive than its other, presumably partially natural chip brands, and the lead plaintiff in the case, Chris Shake, paid a premium -- an extra 10 cents per ounce -- for the privilege of eating all-natural chips. Upon a laboratory analysis, however, the chips tested positive for genetic modification.

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Flickr/nickynunchuck

Fat kids everywhere, rejoice! There's no link between childhood obesity and junk food sold in schools, a new study has found.

Cities all over the country have been busy banning the sale of sweet and salty snacks in public schools in a bid to fight childhood obesity (thanks, Mrs. Obama). But a new study by researchers at Pennsylvania State University suggests that the strategy may be ineffective, The New York Times reports. The research appears in the January issue of the journal Sociology of Education.

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Happy Clippings

Is Uncle Sam trying to control what the kids eat these days? Well, maybe just their sugar intake. Earlier this year, the government proposed "voluntary guidelines" for food advertising. The proposed regulations asked companies to cut back on marketing to children between ages 2 and 17, unless they're selling healthy foods low in fat, sugar and sodium. Basically, the government wanted to tighten belts on food companies' self-regulating ways.

Food companies lobbied against the regulations, thinking the rules would be too large in scope and affect too many favorite food staples. During a Republican-backed hearing in Washington, D.C., officials backed off from some parts of their proposal, including making the focus on children ages 2 through 11.

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Guzzle & Nosh

Three of the many Doritos flavors that have hit the market.

When Arch West goes into the ground this Saturday, his family will sprinkle Doritos at his graveside, reports the Dallas Morning News. It's a fitting tribute for the man widely credited with creating Doritos corn chips.

West, who died on September 20th at the age of 97, led the team at Frito-Lay that developed Doritos in the early 1960s. His daughter, Jana Hacker, tells the New York Times that her father got the idea for Doritos after visiting a San Diego taco shack, where he first tasted fried corn chips.

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Flickr/MGShelton

high school classroom

In our spare time, we teach -- nothing too crazy, just six periods a day, most days a week. Our students -- 9th graders -- are caught in that weird, fuzzy maelstrom of very early adulthood, a liminal period to be sure. They are full of bravado. They recount heavily embellished sexual exploits to classmates and bray at rivals. They write graffiti, probably drink, perhaps smoke, curse, and bury their heads in their hoodies. They're also still kids. They clutch stuffed animals and cover their binders with colorful stickers. They are short, skinny, squeaky, and sweet. While we love and respect our students, their eating habits disgust us. To cope with our revulsion -- and to help banish the rage we feel every time we must lean over to scoop up a wrapper or peel -- we've compiled a list of the Top 5 Snacks Most Commonly Enjoyed By 9th Graders. Enjoy.

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Gustavo Arellano/OC Weekly

More news you definitely cannot use but need to read:
--Tapatio-flavored Fritos debuting in 2 weeks! [Stick A Fork In It]
--Bill Buford's Heat, about his year as Mario Batali's kitchen slave, got a film deal. [DHD]
--Tap rooms, bars, lives bands -- the grocery store is the hot new hangout. [Dispatch]
--Taco Madness -- the official taco bracket is back. [LAist]
--When being a meat lover goes too far. The freakiest NYC sublet story ever. [Refinery 29]
--Ach du lieber! German bars invade LA. [LA Times]
--You're too old to sell the jiggle, so sell the Jell-O: celeb cookbooks. [HuffPo]
--Ancient Japanese diet foods made from seaweed and yams. [Zester Daily]
--Chef David Burke serves smoked tuna & watercress -- at 35,000 feet. [NYT]

Fooducate

From Fooducate, a blog dedicated to "providing practical advice for buying healthy food at the supermarket," we have this marvelous visual aid: A Visual of Twinkie's 37 Ingredients. Fooducate also provides a handy list of the 37 ingredients (see below), with the suggestion that, by way of a fast food parlor game, you "try to match the ingredient list to the individual images!" Brilliant. Kind of like 32 Short Films About Glenn Gould, or 6 Characters in Search of An Author, but with junk food science. Okay, we're over-reaching terribly, but it is funny, if somewhat disturbing. And thanks to @SlowFoodUSA for the link to the post. Fitting, really.

Your food chemistry guessing game. (Hint: start with the last one.)

Enriched Bleached Wheat Flour [Flour, Reduced Iron, B Vitamins (Niacin, Thiamine Mononitrate (B1), Riboflavin (B2), Folic Acid)], Corn Syrup, Sugar, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Water, Partially Hydrogenated Vegetable and/or Animal Shortening (Soybean, Cottonseed and/or Canola Oil, Beef Fat), Whole Eggs, Dextrose. Contains 2% or Less of: Modified Corn Starch, Glucose, Leavenings (Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Baking Soda, Monocalcium Phosphate), Sweet Dairy Whey, Soy Protein Isolate, Calcium and Sodium Caseinate, Salt, Mono and Diglycerides, Polysorbate 60, Soy Lecithin, Soy Flour, Cornstarch, Cellulose Gum, Sodium Stearoyl Lactylate, Natural and Artificial Flavors, Sorbic Acid (to Retain Freshness), Yellow 5, Red 40.