I plow through a sleepy night drive from Sedona to Santa Fe. Twenty minutes into the six and a half-hour trip, I realize this latest cockamamie scheme is flawed.
I call Joe.
Help me stay awake.
"Pull over and find a motel."
No. Talk to me.
"(Yawn) What are you wearing?"
Plaid skate shorts and a t-shirt.
"…(yawn)…Drive carefully."
Click.
I sing myself awake and arrive at my boyfriend's hotel just after three in the morning (he's shooting a movie there – a movie I cannot name, lest Studio X's publicist start once again foaming at the mouth and convulsing to the tune of "confidentiality agreements" and "closed sets").
I awake to an empty bed (early call time), gusty winds and a strange click-clacking on the roof, which I assume to be a herd of rabid scorpions.
Boyfriend left directions to the set. I take a languid drive to the tiny time warp of a town where they're shooting. From the sidelines, I watch the special effects guys prepare a vat of vomit (chili with oatmeal - a binding agent), the make-up gal paint lacerations on a Bad Guy's hand, and the star, a puffy Shatneresque version of his former heart throb self (those luscious lips, those swinging hips - yes, he is that desert reptile King) preen, prance and wisecrack around the set like a spoiled petulant child.
He introduces himself as he stumbles out of an old-fashioned saloon, just before the director yells "Cut!"
"Hi. Who are you?"
Dani.
"Actress?"
Writer.
"New Mexico gal?"
L.A. gal.
"Are you visiting a friend?"
My boyfriend's the D.P.
"No wonder he's so chipper today. What's the attraction?"
That's a longer conversation.
The on-set P.A. interrupts to tell Movie Star they're ready for him.
"I'm not ready. Seriously, that guy?"
Movie Star procees to lay down on the concrete and stretch. The crew stands by.
"What's Dani short for?"
Danielle.
"Can I make him jealous?"
He doesn't get jealous.
"He should."
Movie Star grunts his way to his feet and saunters inside for his next take.
"THIS ONE'S FOR DANIELLLE-UH!" he announces.
"Whatever," boyfriend mutters, rolling his eyes.
--------
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