Aqua Teen Hunger Force Spreads Christmas Cheer: An Interview with Meatwad, Carl and Shake

For the bulk of this decade, the eleven-and-a-half minute adventures of anthropomorphic meal-time treats Master Shake, Frylock and Meatwad and their tough-guy neighbor Carl on Aqua Teen Hunger Force have kept us in stitches. But, despite spending countless late nights watching and re-watching Aqua Teen episodes, we still feel like we don't know the characters all that well.

Meatwad
What's the nastiest holiday prank Shake's played on you?

Well, this ain't so much a prank as a Christmas alert for ya'll.   Shake told me that this year, Dracula stole Santa's sleigh, and picked up the Wolfman and they was gonna both use it to visit all the children of the world and drink their blood while they was sleeping.  I said, "not on my watch, you son of a bitch." I posted up warnings on Craig's List and amazon.com and thankfully, I thwarted their plans. But Shake said they may attempt a strike in February, do something symbolic like turn Hannah Montana into a sleestack.  But I'm fighting every day to protect you and yours this holiday season.  

What's your favorite Christmas story? Why?

I just wrote this Christmas story for you, I hope you like it.  It's called, "Glenn Beck's Christmas Sweater."  One Christmas morning, Glenn Beck opened his presents.  He got a pair of camouflage pants.  Boy, them pants was good.  Then a voice said, "Look in them pockets."  I did.  I mean, Glenn Beck did.  One pocket was full of sliced ham, and the other, shelled peanuts.  The end.  I like this story because you don't know what's going to happen next.

If you were to shape-shift into one traditional holiday food this year, what would it be and why?

I would transform into the all-you-can-eat buffet at the Golden Corral, because then I could be all the foods.  People would visit me over and over, say, "Hey Meatwad!", and I would say, "Get away from me, I am not really the Golden Corral buffet!"  But they wouldn't listen, and keep coming back until there was nothing left but the heat lamps and banana pudding.  Then they would feel bad, and get me a wheelchair autographed by Macho Man Randy Savage.  

What holiday traditions do you and your roommates have?

What we do is call up five or six grocery stores and ask for a birthday cake with my name on it, and never pick 'em up.  At the end of the month we find them cakes in the dumpster behind the store for us to eat, and they says "Happy Birthday, Meatwad!"  I feel dishonest, though, it ain't really my birthday.  It's Santa's birthday.  

Do you plan on doing anything nice for Carl this year? If so, what?

You know what is beautiful at Christmas time? Snow. You know what looks like snow? Instant mashed potatoes. So every year I mail Carl a box of Stove Top instant mashed potatoes. And this year I hope he thanks me for the gift and don't report me to the FBI, cause you know what also look like snow? Anthrax. And all this time I thought they was just a band.