Last Night: Tony Clifton at the Comedy Store (NSFW)
[Ed's note: Our reporter Justin Jasper witnessed Tony Clifton's triumphant return to the Comedy Store. Somewhat damaged by the experience, he submitted this NSFW report. Tell your children to stop reading now. What are your children doing near the Internet, anyhow? You're an awful parent.]
Last night, on the anniversary of Andy Kaufman's death, and the 25th anniversary of his first performance at the Comedy Store, the greatest showman in the history of the world made his triumphant return to the public.
That's right, ladies and gents, Tony Clifton: world class performer, Vegas showman, and all around son of a bitch. I had the privilege of sitting in the front row for his first show and even ended up on stage, but this isn't about me. I mean, it is about me, but let me try and be humble for a moment for christ's sake, will ya? For nearly three hours (three hours!) I sat transfixed by the sheer command of the room Clifton possessed.
It helped that one of the hookers he hired had her ladyflower shaved live on stage. There were a lot of other things that are probably illegal that I don't want to be called into court for, but that's a good indicator of how the night went.
But it wasn't all bare pussies and racial jokes, (though, there were a shitload of racial jokes). The real treat was Tony himself, bellowing out song after song, no matter how much the audience objected. Backed by the 12-piece Katrina Kiss-My-Ass Orchestra and the burlesque troupe The Cliftonettes, he cranked out everything from Rat Pack tunes to contemporary (and not-so-contemporary) hits. To be honest, when he tearily and sincerely lit into R.E.M.'s Kaufman tribute "Man on the Moon," I got a little choked up myself. And the fat bastard even ended the night with rousing versions of "I Will Survive" and "God Bless America." I don't know if Tony is Tony, Bob or Andy, but I know he's one of the best goddamn performers you'll find.
Lauren Church Lauren Church
He's performing three more nights, (May 19. 20, and 21) and if you idiots miss him, it's all your fault. Bring a thick skin and cash for merch, because you're gonna want a Clifton t-shirt halfway through the show.