Can Bad Taste in Music Ruin a Relationship?: Scientific Study Finds Music Predicts Sexual Attraction

Tango couple.jpg
hot music, hot dancing, hot couple.

Why do I like rock and why do you like country? Why does anyone like country, actually? Kidding! We kid, because we love. Seriously though--the most recent issue of Psychology of Music has a pretty interesting article on identity, music, and sexual attraction. This led us to think about why we like what we like, and how this can make or break a relationship. Seriously--would YOU be sexually attracted to someone who was into Yanni? Anyway, let's figure this out.


1. At some point in adolescence, music becomes a symbol of identity to help you belong.

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the Long Beach band the New Fidelity, so happy because they belong together !

Basically, when you're a kid and your hormones are raging and you're trying to figure out who you are and what you want, you put together a set of symbols that allow you to communicate your identity to the world. Music plays a huge part in that--according to a research duo named North and Hargraves, music functions as a 'badge' people use to not only judge others but at the same time, to express their own self-concepts. The kid who wants to appear rebellious picks music that seems like it's made by people who rebel. The kid who wants to belong picks music that appears to be made by people who are accepted. Etc. Ultimately, we all want to belong, and choose a peer group where we feel at home. Music helps us to figure out which peer group we best belong to.

2. This symbol of identity allows you to negotiate the tension between belonging and originality .

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the Growlers, who are all individuals but in a together kinda way!

Like these guys pictured above--the Growlers, who are clearly individuals together. This desire is something that advertisers know well. Advertisers know that tweens need to a) be approved of by their little friends but b) still manage to stand out. You do this by liking a genre that your little friends like, but finding some performer or song within the genre that no one else knows about. This makes you special, but not so special as to be a total outcast. Generally, however, kids like music that reflects the people and issues that they are grappling with.

3. At some point, you get into music that reflects your values.

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Folk singer Amanda Jo Williams has values, I swear.

Like folk songstress Amanda Jo Williams, for example, whose music probably attracts listeners with values similar to hers. There is a lot of research indicating that there is a relationship between music preferences and lifestyle. The study of various subcultures has led researchers to theorize that music preferences are associated with certain values (e.g., rock with social awareness and rebelliousness, pop with certain values about gender roles and conformity, etc.). These other two scholars named Rentfrow and Gosling (2003)--no, not Ryan Gosling of the band in Silverlake and various movies and TV shows wherein unsupervised teenagers get into sexually exciting situations--determined that people who like stuff like blues, jazz, classical, and folk are more open to experiences and pretty liberal. So communicating what we like is not only a shorthand way to tell people about how much we want to belong/stand out, it also tells people about what we value.


4. Bottom line: music predicts sexual attraction.

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Guys apparently are less attractive when they're into classical music. Except for THIS guy-Venezuelan-born conductor Dudamel,

Check this out! This study found that a woman's devotion to country music diminishes her attractiveness to a potential (male) mate; so too does a man's interest in country music make him less attractive to women. But (!) devotion to classical music and to heavy metal rock has a different effect depending on if you're a (heterosexual) man or a (heterosexual) woman. The study says, "Fascination with heavy metal rock greatly enhanced the appeal of men, but it proved detrimental to that of women." And the reverse is true of classical music: guys dig girls who are into classical music, but not the reverse.

5. Except! (Heterosexual) men care more than (heterosexual) women.


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This man has the world's largest record collection. And as he puts it, "no one cares."

The same study found that men are more into women who share their musical tastes than women with whom they have no shared music interests. Women, however, don't care so much. It matters little to women if a man is into the kind of music she's into. What does this mean? Our own theories: 1.) men aren't as appearance-driven as we'd like to believe. Given that musical taste might indicate class status and values, maybe musical tastes conveys something about a potential mate's worldview or ideology. Or 2) men are kind of narcissistic and insecure, all at the same time. They are so convinced of the superiority of their preferences that they think a woman is kinda dense if she'd not into what he's into, or, conversely, they 3) are all insecure manbabies and want women to validate their taste and tell them how awesome their record collection is. By the way, the guy in the picture has the world's largest record collection. He says it's worth $50,000,000. He tried to sell it for $3,000,000 and no one wanted it. In his words, "no one cares." He was the subject of a documentary back in October, and reports are that he's still alive, and still trying to sell it. Interested?

What do you think? Would you date a guy or gal who was into the complete opposite of whatever you're into? Discuss.

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62 comments
Hollie
Hollie

well i married a man who doesn't get The Smiths! 5 yrs later, still together! Realize music is just music, it doesn't make us who we are. just an outside like or dislike that shouldn't be focused on more then the more important stuff. That being said, we agree on a lot of bands that make up for the disconnect on our love of others. We love Interpol, Rolling Stones, etc. Focus and connect on the music you both like and really enjoy those connections. It's worth it!

Floris
Floris

I think it's the best relationship if we both don't really care what the other listens to. Music is not a punishment, it should be inspiring, soothing, whatever, to listen to.

Mari
Mari

e.g. my parents

Mum listens to love ballads and soft rock.Dad listens to punk and rock music.

Kelly
Kelly

I'm trying to figure out how the Mars Volta comes into my everyday life as a woman....

Online Dress
Online Dress

I think the life of relationship based on the premature understanding.

nänä
nänä

Think I tasted a lot of different music in my life. I love classical, country, folk, gospel, singer songwriter as well as electronics, independent, pop, rock, jazz, punk, ska, klezmer, britpop, soundtracks, some hip hop etc. I even had contact with metal stuff, but somewhen I had too much of it. So I think I could not have a relation with somebody who is completely into metal. I couldn't really stand it.

Bull-Jive
Bull-Jive

Hahaha! This die-hard metal loving female never got the memo on this. After all these years of having no problems with happy, loving, fulfilling relationships, and now a great marriage, I guess I've always been unattractive after all, due to my "fascination with heavy metal" and I just didn't know it. ;)

This article is nothing short of a steaming pile of horse-pucky.

yum
yum

Since I have favourite artists rather than favourite genres, it wouldn't be a grave problem for me to date a guy whose musical tastes are more focused - in fact it has always been so. However, I suppose if he was only listening to very simple music (like three chords and five verses of sexually explicit lyrics on repeat), it would be a huge turn off. Lack of imagination and, well, intelligence, just works this way, or does it not?

Ielena
Ielena

Bollocks! Females listening to heavy metal are less attractive to men but men are into girls who share their musical tastes right? So aren't male heavy metal fans considered men? I am a girl, I listen to both classical music and metal of all sorts. I feel strongly attached to heavy metal roots and culture, I would never date someone who wouldn't share that passion for this particular type of music. It's too much an important part of my life not to be shared with the one I'm seeing. Plus, I couldn't even consider sharing an appartment with someone who wouldn't understand or at least bear the music I'm playing out loud 24/7.

Nat
Nat

I have always dated guys that are into the same music genres as I (now I'm running out of guys to date...) and recently I tried dating a "conventional" male, who was smart, funny, and relatively attractive. It lasted about two minutes b/c music is my passion, and anytime I brought it up discuss he had nothing to bring to the table. As well when I showed him a new record I'm digging, same reply "cool". Now I know for sure they HAVE to be into some sort of underground music genre, for me to not be bored out of my mind.

Jens
Jens

I fell in love with my wife when she heard Phil Collins and terrible German pop music ... in the meantime, 10 years later, she loves David Bowie, Eels, Paul Weller and all the good stuff ... people can change! If they don't, it's a real problem for a relationship ...

adam
adam

I can't afford to be that picky. If she's not obese, doesn't have those horrorfying french tip fingernails and is into me, then it's a go. Even if her favorite band is Green Day.

ironical
ironical

Would you date someone that played annoying music?

Flinkwert
Flinkwert

This is why you discuss things like music, books and films on a first date. Then you'll know immediately if there's ever gonna be a second one. If I met someone really nice who would be a fan of Shakira or Beyoncé I would have to pass.

H.B.
H.B.

Despite living in Europe I like country music, while my husband prefers to listen to metal. That can work - I think it's kind of a chance to widen your horizon. I see him as my "listener's digest": I don't have to go through all that heavy stuff to find something that I may possibly like: we listen to music together he chooses and that's not from the far far end of this genre, because he knows what I like. So, it's pretty melodic stuff. I think more of a problem is as someone likes a particular band or artist the partner can't stand, because there are big differences within one genre, but not within the music one artist performs.

turbophon
turbophon

Taste matters certainly. Even if you're not into a very special style of music yourself - i'm quite shure that many people can list some styles that would keep them off those who like them...

Sokka
Sokka

music does matter in a relationship!

i'm into black and death metal, while my last girlfriend was into techno.... that sucks!!everytime we wanted to hang out at home it was a real fight about the music as i can not listen to techno for longer than 5 minutes and she would not listen to metal at all...

so look out what music your girl is into!!

Karl
Karl

I wonder how much this is only statistically relevant or how much it determines the single individual, e.g. how big is the standard deviation?What if you have one guy who is generally agnostic to music and doesn't care too much? Is he a freak, an exceptional musicopath for whom none of the statistics work out? Or is there a considerably large part of humanity who doesn't fit the pattern emerging from the statistics?And how does that work out in other cultures? What are the differences between the U.S. and Europe, where Country is more or less nonexistant and only of interest for some special connaisseurs?

San
San

As a European, I can tell you there's a whole lot of music here (especially in Germany), which has at least an equally repulsive effect as Country and I wouldn't wanna be together with someone listening to this stuff...

Karl
Karl

But if you look more closely, english and irish folk for instance have a completely different image than say german Volksmusik or bohemian brass bands. The ABBA songs are basicly newly created gamla dansen, and one of the inspiration sources for the Beatles was the Merseyside music. Tri Yann does breton folk, and it is pretty close to the Heavy Metal hymns.And even if we go back to german Volksmusik: it's a big difference if Zupfgeigenhansel or Hannes Wader interpret it, then it's leftist and rebel. Or if Hugo von Goissern is interpreting it, then it's mainstream rock. Or if the same song is done by the Kastelruther Spatzen, suddenly it's the type of music you attribute a repulsive effect to.

San
San

Actually, I was referring to "Schlager" rather than Volksmusik, and btw I like Hannes Wader ;)

steph
steph

are there similar findings regarding gay relationships i wonder? i guess it'd prove highly interesting - probably even more so than the guy/girl-dichotomy regarding notions of gender.

Crash
Crash

Music is the sound of emotion. To me it tells a lot about a woman's (or any person's) inner landscape and interests and exposure to life and the world in general. At times it seems to matter much more than I'd like, but it simply does. To each their own, but if I'm on a first date and she puts Yanni on, I'm gone. This happened and it sucked because she was beyond hot on many levels, but I just couldn't handle it. Had to walk. Music matters.

Legsudesire
Legsudesire

Yes music does predict compatibility because when the day is done you want to enjoy your world and that should include compatible music interests. When you argue over which artist is better or variations in tempo pitch etc It usually ends up with you two comparing your intelligence...No sex seen in that Camp...So bad music interests is definitely a bad sex life

Anon
Anon

where is number 4

annaphallactic
annaphallactic

If I HAD an extra $3mil lying around, you bet your ass I'd buy that record collection without hesitation. And I care pretty deeply about artistic taste in my partners WRT how it reflects their worldview. I guess this makes me a dude.

Rana-sing
Rana-sing

People need to chill; just because someone doesn't listen to the same music it's not a bad thing. If you don't like it ask them to use some headphones :)

Boricua 4 life
Boricua 4 life

Thats what I did last night...i used my headphones...so I didn't have to deal with gucci mane all night! I like variety. Well, it only lead to a big fight.

GEAH
GEAH

I was into The Mentors. I loved a girl who was into Ani DiFranco.

For some reason, it didn't work out.

Elisssaaa
Elisssaaa

Hysterically Hilarious.

So... When you were "Goin' Thru Her Purse" you only managed to find "A Tampon To Stamp On"??? (Not that the latter is an actual Ani tune...)

Find Her, Feel Her, F**k Her, Forget Her & then write six albums worth of songs about her.

Must have been a match made in heaven.

OMCthulhu
OMCthulhu

Hahaha that was the best shit I've read all day.

Terri
Terri

As superficial as it may sound (and might be), I could not get serious with any man who was into rap or country. I'm not a hardcore feminist, but I think rap is one of the most commercially accepted forms of sexism and disrespect toward women. A man who is into it more than likely doesn't think too highly of the female gender. As for a man who loves country (specifically the really twangy genre), that just screams "redneck" to me. And on a different note, isn't there an editor who checks these articles for grammatical and spelling accuracy? Pretty bad journalism, people.

Tomnomnom
Tomnomnom

my girlfriend is into rap and that.. i just find it weird because of that reason. it deminishes the female form of respect, but. idk what she thinks. hmmm.

garyhope
garyhope

I agree with you about Rap.  To me it's nasty and almost if not totally illiterate and misogynistic. 

As an old rock and folk rock drummer, some if not a lot of modern "country western" sound like folk rock or just flat out rock and roll now.  It's very white working class music.  There are some "redneck" aspects to some of it, but much of it is rock with long hair and cowboy hats.

Listen to this Wynonna Judd song: "No One Else On Earth" and tell me what you think.  Is it a "twangy" country song, a rock song or a soul song?  To me it's a rock or soul song.  Listen to the horn section.  Is that the Memphis Horns?  I don't know, but it doesn't sound country to me, but all the fans in the audience are "country" fans.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

stan
stan

I could never get serious with any woman who would dismiss an entire genre of music based on the few crappy examples she might have heard on the radio.

anonymouse
anonymouse

stan, since rap music evolved out of the oppression of the african american community in poor urban environments, the music itself is a quest for empowerment. one of the tragic consequences of racism, oppression, and poverty tends to misogyny--as black men sought to empower themselves via music, women necessarily become treated as objects and means to an end. no one is saying that ALL rap is misogynistic, just as no one would say that ALL southerners in the 19th century were racists. it just so happens that a LOT of the times, misogyny and poverty go hand in hand. and rap is the product of poverty, and is therefore QUITE misogynistic.

terri, i totally agree with you. i listen to some popular rap and hip hop, but anyone who LOVES rap is a red flag.

Ravens Box
Ravens Box

you are an ignorant cracker. i could listen to nickelback and conclude that all rock is shitty and marketed towards inbred baby rapers like your self.let's NOT forget that almost ALL AMERICAN POPULAR music was influenced by those "basic" black people you mentioned.Stan, your daddy is waiting in the tool shed, to let you fondle his testicles and listen to "Christian Rock"i'm glad you all are too stupid to cross the street

Ahnenerbe
Ahnenerbe

Rap and Hip Hop tend to be misogynistic because of its racial background. Black people are more basic and sexually-oriented than the other races. This leads naturally to an "objectual" view of women.

chick
chick

There is a lot of rap and hip-hop that isn't disrespectful toward women you just have to look past 50 cents and Emenim! but I totally agree about country.

Teridc
Teridc

There is plenty of "rap" that isn't misogynist... It's called Hiphop. ;)

Leonor J
Leonor J

I disagree...I am a woman and I care very much if my male partner likes the same music I do..in fact I would prefer he enjoy the same or atleast 75% of the music that I enjoy...otherwise someone is going to get a hurtin'. it would mean the end of a probably good relationship but sorry if you cant go with me to concerts to see my favorite bands than I cant be with you...so be it.

tim simms
tim simms

That seems a bit one-sided to me. Are you willing to go with him to concerts to see his favourite bands, too? If it's all about your tastes, he's probably better off without you.

Lovelylilly
Lovelylilly

If the guy is into the complete opposite taste of music i have it doesnt really matter unless he'd try and force me to like it.

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