Top 10 Reasons MySpace Should Be Put Out of Its Misery

Ah MySpace. Poor poor MySpace. Oh how we used to waste our days away with you, pondering who was worthy of going in our top 8s. We chose funny emoticons. We uploaded our electroclash remix songs about John Stamos and/or robotic genitalia. We were the best of friends. But now look at you. You're just a shell of your former self. Your logo is actually just empty space, which represents what you've become to us. Remember those songs we played together? Now you're just loading all the time. There was a time that MySpace music was touted as the savior of the music industry. Then Myspace Music was supposed to save MySpace. But it didn't. For those unlucky souls working there (of which, we know a few), few could have braced for the layoffs of 47% of the company, which totaled nearly 500 people a few weeks back. MySpace employed a lot of great talent, but they are mired in management problems that can't bring them out of their downward spiral. It's very sad, really. So maybe drastic times call for drastic measures. Remember that scene in Of Mice and Men, with Lennie and the Rabbits? Yeah, that may be what MySpace needs about now. Here are 10 reasons MySpace should be (humanely) put out of its misery:

10. It doesn't work.

There was a point at which MySpace worked. Then as it was clogged with a gazillion video clips, inspirational gifs (like the one above), and 20 bajillion bands who recorded one song then broke up, the site buckled under its own weight. I blame Dazzle Junction.

9. When it does work, it's so slow.

In the time it takes for a MySpace page to load, you can feel your beard grow long (yes even ladybeards), your kids will grow up and go to college, perhaps the polar ice caps will become a slushee. You have more important things to do with your time, like washing your hedgehog. (Not a euphemism)

8. Facebook Exodus

For social media to be social, lots of people need to be using it. MySpace has hemorrhaged users who defected to Facebook, so why put your music on a site with few people on it. According to a Washington Post article, In Teens' Web World, MySpace Is So Last Year, MySpace has become a wasteland, due to teens and young people's exodus to Facebook. "'I think it's definitely going down -- a lot of my friends have deleted their MySpaces and are more into Facebook now,' said a junior who spends more time on her Facebook profile, where she messages and shares photos with other students in her network." This article was from 2006. This Junior in high school is probably graduated from college and still using Facebook (while living back at home with her parents.)

7. Spam

Even if your band uses MySpace to post shows or songs, you have to deal with all the crap that goes along with having a page. You'll get endless invites to Christian Raves and Magic the Gathering lecture series, and endless amounts of spam you actually don't want.

6. Tom

Just look at him. BTW, whatever happened to Tom? Or should we say... Lord Flathead?

5. The Music Player is useless

The player used to be the main reason that bands flocked to set up MySpace accounts. At the time it was easier to make a quick MySpace page than create you own site. But now as MySpace sputters with usability problems, the player is obsolete. Why deal with the hassle of waiting for the the songs to load and battling the pop up advertisements when you can just use Soundcloud?

4. Shifting from Social Media to Entertainment

Who's online now.

Last year, MySpace underwent a redesign which largely abandoned the social media focus of the site in lieu of a "entertainment" oriented portal. For small bands, this is a death knell, as their music is superseded by major label bands who have exclusive partnerships with MySpace.

3. Paid Content

January 25, 2011

Rise Records | Myspace Music Videos

Unlike magazines or blogs who are staffed by music editors who have the freedom to cover what they want, MySpace's front page is dependent upon partnerships with labels and boardroom business deals. It's why you don't see small bands displayed prominently on the front page, and instead we get the new video from crabcore band Attack Attack.

2. Other Websites Provide Better Service to Musicians

Myspace used to be the only option for musicians to get their music out quickly and easily. It was supposed to be a tool or a utility. But it was like and SUV loaded with tons of unnecessary options. Now there are many other site that offer better service without the slow loading times and added features that bands never use. Beatport offers better visibility for electronic artists and allows music fans to not only hear new music, but buy it as well. Through Bandcamp, musicians can easily creat their own standalone page complete with bio, music, show dates and special offers (Like auctioning off a private skype concert or other unconventional means of promotion).

And the number one reason Myspace should be put out of its misery: