HARD Fest Preview: How HARD Are You?

Illustration by Fred Noland

​HARD Summer Music Festival takes place this Saturday, Aug. 6 at downtown's Los Angeles State Historic Park. It's easily the best electronic music festival to annually pass through town. Not only are the lineups consistently quality, but you can attend without getting trampled. (Literally.) But the crowds have a tendency to devolve into cliché. Here's a field guide.

Douchey USC Brah
Style: No shirt, cargo shorts, neon bandanna
Substance abused: Will tell his friends only alcohol but is searching desperately for coke and E.
There to see: Skrillex
Beware: He will try to fight you, or else he may try to have sex with you.

Hypebeast Hip-Hop Skateboarder
Style: Supreme and Nikes
Substance abused: Medicinal
There to see: Odd Future
Beware: If you don't want to get a contact high, don't stand too close.

"Sorry for Partying" Raver Girl
Style: "Candy" bracelets, glasses with no lenses, piece of cloth to cover her nips
Substance abused: Candyflip
There to see: Boys Noize
Beware: Is she slutty or does she just want you to think so? At the end of the day, she just wants your drugs.

Kid Who Missed Comic-Con
Style: The Warriors duds and slutty manga stuff
Substance abused: Ecstasy
There to see: Duck Sauce
Beware: Like a little kid wearing his Halloween costume to school, they're desperate for attention.

Creepy Guy, Too Old, Too Alone
Style: Jeans and a T-shirt
Substance abused: Cashed out, but there's still some resin in this pipe!
There to see: The chicks
Beware: His Ph.D. studies were focused on Megan's Law.