Hustler's Lady Gaga and Beyonce Porn Movie: A Review

Er, it probably does, anyway. We haven't seen them. In fact, who watches these things? Someone must, because they have big budgets. This Ain't Lady Gaga in particular -- which we did watch -- has high production values, for porn anyway. But it seems to function as much for comedic purposes as beat sesh purposes; those interested in the latter can get their online fix without plunking down $30 for the actual DVD, which showed up recently in the LA Weekly offices. (Hey, I'm just the intern. I don't decide what gets assigned to me.)

The comedy comes, at least theoretically, from the bad acting, ill-conceived parody songs, and actors who look nothing like the folks they're portraying. This Ain't Lady Gaga has all of this and more. So, does this film's campy value make it worth the embarrassment (and cost) that comes from procuring actual, old-fashioned porn in this day and age? Let's take a closer look. (But not too close.)

The Leading Lady: Hustler hit the nail on the head here. Helly Mae Hellfire not only looks sorta like Gaga, but she pulls off her lip snarls perfectly. The biggest incongruity? Hellfire's colossal, um, assets, aren't particularly Gaga-like.

The Co-stars: Generally outstanding. The actors are often hilarious in their imitations of Kanye West, Sarah Palin, Beyonce, Madonna, and even Larry King, though the latter's "old person" make-up is less convincing when contrasted with his perfectly shaved balls.

The Sex: If you're mainly here to see Beyonce eat Lady Gaga out, you'll likely be disappointed. Without getting into too much detail, let's just say each wears excessive lipstick, which ends up where it doesn't belong.

Best Line: To the tune of "Telephone:" "Hello baby I was playing with myself/ But then I started thinking about your cock right up my ass." Well, that's the best line in the movie's first thirty seconds, anyway.

Marketing Flaw: C'mon, Gaga's fan base is mostly women and gay men, not exactly Hustler's DVD target demographic. Sure, ladies and gay men watch porn too, even Hustler porn, but this is clearly intended to appeal to straight man, particularly the Gaga/Beyonce meeting of the minds.

Overall Grade: B+. It's more funny than sexy, and at 78 minutes you'll be often using the skip button to get to the good stuff, be they jokes or the more traditional good stuff.