Van Halen Assteroidz Is Back!
In 2009 a great blessing came to be known: Atari video game Asteroids had been hacked to incorporate Van Halen. The simple vector graphics asteroids were replaced by obstacles in the shape of the dancing burger from "Better Off Dead," the Van Halen logo drifting through space, and a righteously yowling Eddie Van Halen. The best part? The spaceship was replaced by David Lee Roth, doing the flying splits and spitting deadly asteroid-smashing bombs from his bowels.
This news spread across the web, but quickly Shitbagz.com -- the mysterious site hosting the game -- took it down. Pressure from Van Halen central? No one knows. But guess what? Assteroidz is back!
The game is now hosted on the equally-mysterious Ghetto Radio site, and it's a virtual copy of Shitbagz's version.
It's got to be played to be believed, the maddening, pulsing sound of asteroids flying by to the opening notes of "Runnin' with the Devil." If you're not quick enough, a UFO floats in, bearing the likeness of Sammy Hagar beset by gas pains, lazily shooting anything nearby. "55!" Sammy screams. If you dawdle longer, a smaller UFO with Sammy's face yells the chorus of "Why Can't This Be Love?" at you. This one is a better shot; indeed, you could well taste death when you're pitted against the Cabo Wabo-fueled evil of Hagar the Horrible.
Questions posed to Ghetto Radio about the re-emergence of Van Halen Assteroidz went unanswered. But, who cares? It's just great to have it back up. You will laugh. You will rock. You will die. Just like life.