Thoughts From A Random Black Guy: Mullets Let People Know You Mean Business
[Editor's note: Odd Future member Lionel Boyce writes a weekly column for West Coast Sound. His archives are available here.]
Kelly Clancy L-Boy
There are 140,000 strands of hair in the mullet. I found that shit out on Google. When I think of the mullet, the first word that comes to mind is "amazing." The image that comes to mind is of some white guy with a blond mullet in an acid-washed jean-jacket vest snorting lines of coke off the table while Led Zeppelin is blasting in the back-ground.
I would consider it a power hairstyle because when you see a person with it, the first thing you are probably thinking is either, "How unbelievably awesome that person is" or "That person clearly does not take any shit."
During our senior year of high school, Domo Genesis, Tyler and I actually had mullets. We disproved the stereotype that only lower-class white people still wore them. I would walk through the school campus with my light-blond mullet and feel invincible. When Tyler, Domo and I recently reminisced about our mullet days, Domo said, "I felt like I was the king of the world jamming out on my air guitar. Probably because I was high off of various hard-core drugs."
Kelly Clancy Tyler
"Yeeaaah!!!! Like the fucking man," Tyler immediately added.
Not everyone will agree when I say that the mullet is the greatest thing to happen to America ever in history. Those people deserve a roundhouse kick to the kneecaps. I do not see how anyone could possibly hate that hairstyle. Well, unless someone with a mullet assaulted you and stole your girlfriend or got you pregnant, and even then I'm sure deep down you still love it.
If you are finding it weird that I like mullets, then you clearly have never experienced the true awesomeness of a mullet. I feel that every person should grow a mullet at least once in their life. Even if it is for one day, I doubt you'll regret it. People will look at you stupid because it is 2011, but whatever, they don't know shit.