Fuck Guilty Pleasures: Chris Brown Can Do No Wrong

chris brown pic.jpg
[Editor's Note: Fuck Guilty Pleasures celebrates the over-produced, commercial, artless, lowbrow music that we believe is genuinely worthwhile. Like, among the best music ever.]

See also:
*Our review of Chris Brown at Staples Center, October 20, 2011

It was fall 2005, and I was sitting in an Internet café in Berlin. Juelz Santana's "There It Go (The Whistle Song)" was on, and it segued into his feature on a track with some falsetto-voiced kid singing an immediately sticky hook, "Is ya man on tha floor? If he ain't, lemme know, lemme see if you can run it, run it."

Over the next three months, Europe ran "Run It" right into the ground. I figured it was a one-hit wonder, but then I came home and Chris Brown kept coming with songs that caused me to almost hurt myself car dancing. ("Poppin'," "Kiss Kiss," anyone?)

Many people cast Chris Brown as the anti-Christ after he assaulted his former girlfriend, Rihanna. I'm not making light of abuse against women. But she's forgiven him--read her November Esquire interview; watch the cathartic new video for her song "We Found Love"--and I think it's time everybody else did, too.

Ladies love him, and not just because of his music; he told us he was a bad boy from the get go. (Anyone underage bragging, "I can definitely show you things to have you sayin' I can't be 16," is trouble, okay?) But unlike many girls who've pledged their allegiance to Brown even as his personal life unraveled, I'm not attracted to him. Not even after he twitpic'ed his impressive, ah, asset. No, my love for him stems totally from his music.

My thing for C. Breezy even has withstood his blossoming bromance with Justin Bieber. I watched the footage of the two onstage in Australia, but instead of appreciating that Bieber the brat can do a decent imitation of Busta Rhymes, I just marveled at Brown. Not only can he sing, he's perfected the Justin Timberlake trend of showing up his backup dancers.

Breezy's Captain Save-a-Song. He makes kinda creepy tunes cheerfully carefree - see that weird chorus on "Back to the Crib." He makes predictable songs surprising - see his, not Ace Hood's, sudden assertion that "You're fucking with a real freak" on "Body 2 Body." If I'm singing along to any song on the radio, it's usually because Brown's on the hook.

He makes me believe it's not just a booty call even though it clearly is just a booty call.


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15 comments
Ant
Ant

"embodies the bipolar spirit of Tupac better than any current rapper"

Trolling, this article does it right

Jason
Jason

Like 2Pac? Really?

Can we put a moratorium on comparing anyone (rapper, R & B singer, actor) to 2Pac?

Chris Brown is nothing like the man. The only similarities they seem to have is that they are (or were, in Pac's case) young, black and seemingly have anger management problems.

Pac was not a saint. (Hell, he's a convicted a rapist.) But the man had a message. He had aspirations for a better society and he wrote several songs that tapped into that message. Chris Brown's only message is that he wants to have sex with you.

Chris Brown makes banal (though sometimes fun) party music.

Should we move on from the Rihanna thing? Sure. Should we start pretending Chris Brown is some tortured genius who expresses his brilliance occasionally through petulant, violent outbursts? No. Hell, no.

FF
FF

Lot of wife-beating apologists in this comment section, tsk,  tsk.

Itsyaboy0886
Itsyaboy0886

How do you justify hating Kanye more than CB? Your argument is that CBs talent outweighs his public persona. I'd argue that Kanye is way more talented and his only real "crime" was what happened with Taylor swift. If you can forgive CB for beating, bruising, and bloodying Rihannas face then you can forgive Ye for interrupting a sweet white girls acceptance speech.

shell517nj
shell517nj

true breezy has about 5 songs out where he collaborates with other artist. he has a mean hook with that sweet falsetto voice. one to see in concert. amazing . pay to get the best seats as close as possible. I could see his freckles. lol. you won't be disappointed.

Siobhan Bray
Siobhan Bray

Thank you for writing this article!!!! Reading a good article like this about Chris Brown is very hard to come across these days, so thank you very much for puttin the truth out about this kid, he is a true talent, and hopefully everyone will 1 day let go of the "rhianna incident"!!     

Siohan Bray
Siohan Bray

Thank you for writing this article!!!! Reading a good article like this about Chris Brown is very hard to come across these days, so thank you very much for puttin the truth out about this kid, he is a true talent, and hopefully everyone will 1 day let go of the "rhianna incident"!!

Annie
Annie

And then later when he met Chris Brown and his crew on the street he was quoted as being scared. I mean..........what a baby. If you are going to insult someone who complimented you why not stand by it instead of being scared. He's incredibly transparent.

Annie
Annie

Frank Ocean is a bit of an idiot though. This is what happened. Chris Brown complimented this music and compared him to recording artists and writers Chris has worked with and get this --- Frank Ocean knows and his worked with! So Frank reads the compliment and decides to insult him, and Frank tweets that he doesn't like to be insulted.

No you idiot, he compared you to writers far more talented then though. A few months later a song Frank did with one of those writers leaks on the internet. Frank Ocean is a lazy talent. And he's pretty foolish insulting someone who took the time to compliment him and compare him to better artists.

Rawbdawwgg
Rawbdawwgg

Simply put, Chris Brown is the premiere male artist of his generation. He is far more talented then any other male artist out there.  He is the first artist since Michael Jackson to get me excited about music, and I am a 43 year old gay man who searches the internet daily for the multitudes of leaked Chris Brown tracks.  It is indeed true that Rihanna admitted in police reports to having hit Chris Brown on several occasions before he ever laid a finger on her, and then she proceeded to lie about it on national T.V. with Diane Sawyer.  He has never revealed this fact and never said a negative word about her.  Artists who have engaged in domestic violence in their careers include John Lennon, Frank Sinatra, Eminem, Jackson Browne, Courtney Love, Ron Wood, Joe Elliott, Jay Z, and Sean Penn (just to name a few.)  I find it so interesting that these famous artists have not and did not have to answer endlessly for the same mistakes but yet people continue to vilify Chris Brown for something he did when he was 19 years old, and also which 1/3 of the American population experiences in their relationships.  Chris Brown will continue to churn out amazing music and production for years to come, and his trial by fire in the spotlight will someday be a thing of the past.  I've never stopped being a proud Chris Brown fan and I never will.  The children who I have met in L.A. who he has done volunteer work with in domestic violence shelters will never forget his kindness, nor will the developmentally delayed children and adults he has supported through the charity Best Buddies.  

PSA
PSA

{this puppy was harmed during/after the photoshoot. He beats puppies instead of women now... less media attention.}

Jesa
Jesa

SHHHHUTTTTT TTTTHEEEEE *UCCCCCK UPPPPPP

E.
E.

the boy is talented but has serious demons, like surviving extreme child abuse and watching his mother be beat by his drug addicted step-father as well. as for rihanna, if people had common sense and did basic reading on the court documents as to what happened between them, you find that rihanna admits hitting him on several occasions before he "snapped;" and that she forgave him then.

fuck guilty pleasures. as long as chris brown can keep from fucking up again and just focus on music, hell be fucking fine. hes had my support, hope he can make it through this fuckery called hollywood.

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