Thoughts From A Random Black Guy: That Time I Adopted An Asian Kid

lionelsbaby.JPG
Kelly Clancy
[Editor's note: Odd Future member Lionel Boyce writes a weekly column for West Coast Sound. His archives are available here.]

For a brief period I had a kid. A daughter. I didn't really tell anyone. For some reason people never asked who she was; I guess they assumed she was my sister or something.

How I managed to obtain a daughter was very normal, just about the same as anyone who had a kid they didn't give birth to. One day I was reminiscing about my life in elementary school and how much of an influence career day had on me. I decided that I wanted to return the joy that career day brought me to the elementary students of today. It's like a combination of motivational speaking and flex tweeting on a bunch of little kids. But in order for me to be able to unload all that wisdom, I first needed a child to enroll into the school.

lionelkidtwo.jpg
Kelly Clancy
I knew that for people to believe it was actually my kid, I had to get an Asian child, because I undeniably look Asian. I tried searching the black market to see if they had any babies on deck, but I guess people aren't buying kids too often or something, because they didn't have any. While I was sitting at home Tupac's video "Brenda's Got a Baby" came on television and that's when it hit me: I could most definitely buy a kid from a crackhead. So I went out searching for crackheads and I came across a lady willing to trade me her daughter for $70 and a copy of Al B. Sure's In Effect Mode album.

Once I got Stacy -- that's what I decided to name my new daughter -- I had a shitload of fun with her. We did everything, from playing with her Easy-Bake Oven and dolls to racing dirt bikes and milking cows. Everything was running smooth in the beginning, but as time went on Stacy's true colors began to show. She wasn't as nice as I had thought she was. Apparently she had been doing credit card fraud and stealing people's money. When I confronted her, she attempted to stab me.

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30 comments
D33
D33

thats there managers daughter

jodie_goodtwinkle
jodie_goodtwinkle

did this dude just say "I undeniably look Asian" ?!?!

HA you funny....

boo
boo

The way this person writes does not bother me. He seems to write well. What bothers me is WHY THE FUCK IS THIS GUY WRITING FOR THE LA WEEKLY.

THe same question has to be asked about HENRY ROLLINS. Why do both these people have jobs at the LA Weekly.

They both write about things nobody cares about. This guy wrote about a baby he got from a crackhead. FUCK YEA.

Henry Rollins writes about himself, and how much music means to him.

Great, no one really cares about them. What people want is more about MUSIC. I mean that is what the title of this section is, right? I don't know who hires either of these two people to write for the LA WEEKLY, but they are the ones who should be fired. The only thing Henry Rollins did that was halfway decent was being in Black Flag. Dez Cadena was much better than Henry.

Dpotter1
Dpotter1

people, people, "why so serious?"

he's having fun with his musings, let him "cook"...

waz up
waz up

first i thought that a cracker wrote this! but it's a nikka who wrote this? is it him on the pic? this dude has some sick imagination!

waz up
waz up

what the fuck is this? am i reading right? so this dude "bought" an asian baby from an asian crackhead? the writer must be on crack when he wrote this!

Kkww
Kkww

ur such an idiot

Lil' Bulletproof Vesteezzle
Lil' Bulletproof Vesteezzle

Funny as hell xD L-boy whole personality is awkardly hilarious, word to that cameo on BSD

greetings from chile. 

Magdalena
Magdalena

my best friend's mom makes $77 an hour on the computer. She has been out of job for 9 months but last month her check was $7487 just working on the computer for a few hours. Read about it here MakeCash7 .com

Jennie Vasquez
Jennie Vasquez

I have no idea who this guy is and from the reading the comments you either love his writing or hate it.  I haven't quite understood some of the stuff he has written about but I have found much of the content funny and a break from the serious stuff going on in this world.  It is my understanding that Mr. Boyce is a very young man.  I think it is great that a young guy is trying his hand at writing and that he has been given a shot to be creative.  There is a large spectrum as to what people find humorous and his writing isn't for everyone.  As for me, I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy even though I am not a boy and haven't been 12 for 27 years.  This guy is young, even the best writers didn't hit it out of the ball park in the beginning. 

As for this article, that little girl is so adorable.She looks like she is having the time of her life in the photos.  

John_Wong
John_Wong

I don't even like Odd Future (or rap as a whole really) but I've found all of these to be pretty funny and witty, to me.  It's all subjective like most things in life.  You don't like it?  Don't read it.  Easy as that.

Tia
Tia

Honestly, I love Odd Future, but L-Boy is adding nothing to LA Weekly other than trite, boring material. If it was funny, that would be cool, but it's not.

hello
hello

i was in honors english and i thought this story/pictures were pretty cute, funny, and endearing.

Yourmom
Yourmom

I think Stacy could have written a better article.

GOLF WANG
GOLF WANG

fuck haters do your thing l boy

of fan
of fan

Fuck the guys comment below me no body cares about that guy anyways

Tronmadreal
Tronmadreal

Has LA Weekly's standards gone so downhill to where this is acceptable content? Nobody gives a shit about Odd Future, especially the worthless lower level members. This story isn't funny, endearing or creative in any way. Not sure what the publishers of LA Weekly are trying to do by running this column...but its embarrassing this publication to have BS like this on here. 

steph
steph

I would suggest for you to stay mad. Just maintain a consistent and constant level of upset. 

Duckface Killah
Duckface Killah

You know what is funny, endearing and creative though? Your dad leaving your mom because she's an alcoholic twat that wears little boys underwear and gives your dad colonics with her index and middle finger.

West Coast Sound
West Coast Sound

The first word of your critique should be "Have." Fix that and I will address your other concerns. 

Thetruth
Thetruth

Tron has a point. I've read a couple of these and they are all poorly written and boring. This sounds like an essay someone would have read in my high school english class....

West Coast Sound
West Coast Sound

Were you in honors english or just regular person english?

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