Rock Out with Your Lock-Out: Five Awful Athlete Songs
See also: Top Five Rapping Basketball Players Phil Jackson Might Actually Like
"I do ya like Spielberg... you get Jur-Ass-Kicked in da Park!"
If there's one thing most professional athletes are good at, it's sports. Unfortunately, the recent NBA lockout stemming from millionaires failing to come to terms with billionaires left many players with an unprecedented amount of free time on their hands. Luckily, cooler heads prevailed and an agreement was reached before we were forced to endure an outbreak of new music careers.
The 1985 Chicago Bears famously used their rhythmic ambitions for good and benefited charities. But most attempts since have failed to live up to the impossible standard set by "The Super Bowl Shuffle." Here are five distressing examples.
The New York Mets - 1986
Radio host Tom Scharpling once described the winners of the 1986 World Series as not so much a team as a group of psychopaths who could hit baseballs. While their legacy included sex, drugs and trashing an airplane, their most heinous moment had to be "Get Metsmerized," their pieced-together attempt to copy "The Super Bowl Shuffle," minus the production values. As uncomfortable as it is funny, "Get Metsmerized" is easily the Mets' biggest failure that year.
"The Wrestlerock Rumble"
The A.W.A. - 1986
While it's clear some attempt was made to salvage "Get Metsmerized" via audio post-production, the concept of sound editing seems to have eluded members of Verne Gange's now defunct American Wrestling Association. "The Wrestlerock Rumble" was made to promote A.W.A.'s Wrestlerock '86 event, but due to the poor reception of the clip no rap or rock music was performed at the show. (Country legend Waylon Jennings did so instead.)
It's frightening to picture a world where 51-year-old Nick Bockwinkel is the only person on a posse cut to have any idea how a rap song is supposed to sound. Curt "Mr. Perfect" Hennig's flow, meanwhile, is likely what led to his "Rap is Crap" campaign years later.