Why This Song Sucks: Flo Rida's "Good Feeling"

[Editor's note: Why This Song Sucks determines why particular tracks blow using science. It appears on West Coast Sound every Wednesday.]

Song: Flo Rida's "Good Feeling"

History: Ack. ACK. "Good Feeling" is, Christ, like the 19th single from Flo Rida's 23rd studio album or something. I don't know. Who can tell anymore? They all sound the same; global, spineless, stadium/club rap built solely to be monetized. At this point, he's pretty much the Black Pitbull. And the only thing worse than Normal Pitbull* is a derivative of him.

*Actually, that's not true. Normal Pitbull is also worse than Normal Pitbull. He is a paradox. Just think about him as an M.C. Escher painting. He's the impossible staircase of awfulness.

Atmospherics: Big, electro-pop nonsense; like if you had hydrogen peroxide bubbling in your spinal chord; whatever the opposite of "hefty" is; somehow manages to marginalize an Etta James sample, 1962's "Something's Got A Hold Of Me."

Scientific Analysis: This is probably what happened during the production meeting for this song:

Flo Rida: Guys, yo. Yo! Listen up. I've got a great idea for a song.

[plays "Good Feeling"]

Flo Rida: So?
Team: Well, it's kind of exactly like the last song.
Flo Rida: True, true. But check it: no one's going to notice.
Team: Um. Why?
Flo Rida: ...NIPPLES! I'M GONNA BE SHOWING MY NIPPLES FOR, LIKE, THE WHOLE VIDEO!
Team: Dude... That's amazing!

And so it was that on the eighth day that God, in his infinite glory and grace, gave the world Flo Rida's nipples.

There are 40+ shots in the "Good Feeling" video where Flo Rida's nipples are exposed. That's not an exaggeration. Count 'em. I did. I got 43 separate shots. Forty-three different times where I could see his nipples, or, as I took to calling them, his Brown Death Pepperonis, because there is a definite correlation between the number of times a guy sees Flo Rida's nipples and how seriously he considers placing mashing his head in with a boulder.