Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time: The Complete List


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2. Eagles
The all-mighty arbiter of SoCal cool, Jeffrey "The Dude" Lebowski was famously willing to be thrown out of a cab because he hated the fucking Eagles, and you should be too. Soporific Laurel Canyon coke rock whose chief existential lament seems to be "What toppings should I get on my burrito?" the Eagles are the quintessential band for a decade whose favorite barbiturate was the Quaalude. -Jeff Weiss

See also: The Eagles' "Hotel California": Why This Song Sucks

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1. Dave Matthews Band
"Once upon a time/When the world was just a pancake/Fears would arise/That if you went too far you'd fall/But with the passage of time/It all became more of a ball." -Some Dave Matthews lyrics

You want a real American Horror story? Sit in the back of an SUV with off-key sorority house members singing along to Dave Matthews Band. "Dave" is a jam act with no jams. They make Perrier seem vibrant and ethnic. Dave Matthews croons like Kermit with a hangover, for a presumed intended audience of trustafarians and frat bros bonding via hacky sack and horseshoes. Them, and folks whose favorite book is The Da Vinci Code and favorite TV show is Two and a Half Men. They are permanently beige, the sonic instantiation of Ambercrombie & Fitch cargo shorts, South Carolina Gamecocks hats, and flip-flops flailing. -Jeff Weiss

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1205 comments
AndreasDude
AndreasDude

This is just a person with an opinion she/he then writes on a place like this, and makes it seem like the fact. But the only fact is that the 20 best/worst bands can't be decided. Don't believe everything you reads! (Except this :P:P)

kilcourtney
kilcourtney

EVERYBODY into the Seattle scene UNIVERSALLY agrees that PEARL JAM was NOT part of the movement!!  They were not considered grunge nor liked by any of the other bands.  They were a love ballad band!  Only Stone Gossard was from Seattle, all others were transplants and never considered home grown.  Learn your music mainstream crowd, that's what Jeff Weiss is trying to say.  You grab onto bands that are less than talented because you once persecuted the crowds that love the great bands.  They won't accept you now, so you cling onto a DMB and make his sh1tty music popular, when it is clearly jazzy fusion crap attempting to be grateful dead, of whose crowd would never accept your douche bag tool azzes either. 

kilcourtney
kilcourtney

It appears some of you Abercrombie and Fitch wearing Tools got your lame azz feelings hurt. DMB LMFAO at you complete douche bags!

smnsmn
smnsmn

In the course of human history, no one has ever erected a monument in honor of a critic. Especially of LA Weekly, a rag so stinkingly godawful, that I cannot remember the last time I read a piece that wasn't rife with spelling and grammatical errors. 

schmeckle
schmeckle

You forgot weezer and smashing pumpkins! 

What_a_joke
What_a_joke

This was the dumbest shit I've ever seen on the internet.  And that's saying a lot.

frederickinsf
frederickinsf

This is "The 20 Most Polarizing Bands" of all time, not the worst.

slutbutt
slutbutt

Animal Collective…lol. They're better than The Black Eyed Peas. 

rockenespanol187
rockenespanol187 like.author.displayName 1 Like

Pearl Jam? Seriously? Have you not seen their fan base? This was a waste of time.

troy-shaw
troy-shaw like.author.displayName 1 Like

You're a complete idiot.

chimcmath
chimcmath

C'mon man, really go for the gold and make it 21 worst bands of all time, and you can have The Beatles and The Rolling Stones tied for #1...

Thewanderer
Thewanderer

@chimcmath Are you serious or just being ironic? Just asking.

chimcmath
chimcmath

@Thewanderer  I promise it is sarcasm.  Maybe would have communicated better like this:

You could *reeealy* go for the gold and make it the 21 worst bands of all time, and you can have The Beatles and The Rolling Stones tied for #1, because we all know they have *noo* talent and never really did produce very much <snark.>

DanP
DanP like.author.displayName 1 Like

I want that 30 seconds of my life back. Utterly useless.

jack
jack

Oh how edgy! You slaughtered a sacred cow by saying the Sex Pistols suck! How fucking punk is that? Bollocks. They rock(so does Rush); you suck. Now get back to trashing soft targets like Hootie, Foreigner, and Phish, bitch. 

dmcc2277
dmcc2277 like.author.displayName 1 Like

whoever decided on these bands is a complete freaking idiot. first of all, how the hell are bands like rush and pearl jam on this list!? if anything they should be in the top 20. rush is probably one of the most musically talented bands of all time. second of all, the pussy cat dolls and the black eyed peas are not bands, they are untalented music groups, they play no instruments and posses no music talent with the exception of some "decent" voices. Lastly, how can you not include nickelback and post- 1995 goo goo dolls. there were quite a few others you had on here that really grinds my gears but whoever wrote this article and came up with these numbers is a moron. figure it out

brightlightsBigcity
brightlightsBigcity

LOL Somebody's boss wanted to get their social media impressions up.... It worked too. I never read this blog and I just read a whole article here! 

The thing is, most of these bands actually don't deserve to be here in my opinion. MY opinion, anyway. But I like a lot of them enough to laugh at the criticism because, dude, that's a really accurate portrayal of Animal Collective. It really is. And speaking as a senior in college, srat girls singing DMB while drunk is quite hilarious and terrifying. But I still love Under the Table and Dreaming despite the numerous frat stars who would have me hating it if I cared just a little more.

As a music writer, we walk a fine line in reviewing bands and their work. We all love music, but sometimes we need a release and this is exactly what that was. 

Finally, guys, these are bloggers. They do not have top floor offices nor are they making bank, at least not from this job. Now LA Times, true life, I'm a senior in college. HIRE ME. 

redhogchilipeppers
redhogchilipeppers

How could be possibly REDHOTCHILIPEPPERS ob the list?? Who are you anyway?? do you earn money big Enough than They?? pity.. you just jealous.. 


PH2121
PH2121

You guys are fuckin retarded american cunts!!! fuckin puttin Oasis in here ya fuckin wankers.

Go die in a fuckin hole

TheRipper
TheRipper

Dude fuck you Dave Matthews has probably made more money in one concert than this piece of shit writer will in his lifetime. If they sucked, how have they sold millions of records and been around for 15+ years?

xxthejackalxx
xxthejackalxx

This is a pretty bad list.  There's nothing wrong with Phish and Fleet Foxes.  Certainly not enough to qualify them as being some of the "worst bands ever."

slingdinger
slingdinger like.author.displayName 1 Like

Thank you for placing Dave Matthews Band #1, their music is pure trash

balou10
balou10 like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 2 Like

Rush ?? You must be responsible for the long awaited induction in the RNRHOF by their millions of fans around the world. Stop taking drugs my friends. It affects your judgment !! 

atala_bgl
atala_bgl like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 2 Like

Maybe the best title for this could be "the 17 bands that I dont like because they dont suck my tiny dick and three of the worst bands ever: Pussycat bitchs, Black eye peace of shit and pretty gay rick"

fuhootie
fuhootie

Okay I was put out by the placement of Pretty Ricky on your Top 20 Worst Bands Of All Time, because I actually dig the smooth soulful grooves and vocals of that group. And you can't see their babyoiled bare chests when you are listening to a song in the car etc. But your list won me over when you so perfectly and eloquently described the very deserving Pearl Jam and Hootie and the Blowfish. 

ravenshadow666x
ravenshadow666x like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 2 Like

Had to read it to believe it. Whoever wrote the article AND whoever allowed this to be posted really needs to get their hearing checked. Not everyone can be Justin Bieber.

maalbe987
maalbe987 like.author.displayName 1 Like

You are a terrible person.

varsava05
varsava05 like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 2 Like

Whoever wrote this either a retard or brain-dead zombie.

thelegendofxander
thelegendofxander like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 2 Like

1) RHCP aren't even close to metal.

2) You are a colossal moron for putting Rush on this.

luis90chaves
luis90chaves like.author.displayName 1 Like

LCD Soundsystem, FUCK YOU IAN COHEN, just FUCK YOU

acolyteofdeceit
acolyteofdeceit

Animal Collective is the fifth worst band of all time huh? A master ruseman here.

bigb121074
bigb121074 like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 2 Like

Rush? One of the 20 worst bands of all times? Fuck you, suck my fucking angry inch, you no taste in music, punk ass motherfucker!

rused
rused

is this a ruse?

eatthefish
eatthefish

Interesting. I'm not fond of any of the bands on this list, but I have to wonder what good can come from such negativity. Wouldn't it be better to simply spotlight something you like and believe is worth listening to? Now that we know what is awful where can we turn to cleanse our pallets?

Calinfidel
Calinfidel

Wow, nothing I liked here either. Was really hoping to get outraged enough to cuss out at least one of these reviewers, but most of these artists I could never see what the big deal was about, and at least 2 or 3 of them I considered obscenely overrated. I am kind of disappointed that the writer who covered my least favorite artist here didn't go more deeply into WHY they sucked (and continue to do so because so many people think they're so damn great), but from the responses I see here, they were pushing their luck as it was. Definitely worth a vindictive chuckle in places.... thanks!

Ausliam
Ausliam

blechk. You guys seem to be judging music as if there were some rubric. as if art was either good or bad. articles like these are re-enforcing what is wrong with the creative world right now. I'm not going to say anything like 'please kill yourself' because i know you won't do it. instead, i urge you to reflect on art from an objective perspective, and find value in music rather than being an ignorant, over-confident douche who thinks having the title 'critic' means you have the authority to make judgements as huge as these. I... ah never mind. i guess keep writing stupid shit if it pays the bills, just don't ever convince yourself that your doing any sort of good to anyone.

your intentions aren't pure. you are not here to discover.

cswesson
cswesson

YOU'RE A FAGGOT AND YOU HAVE HORRIBLE TASTE IN MUSIC KILL YOURSELF sincerely me and everyone else who enjoys music you are a terrible troll and you should be put to death for this outrage you cunt

mkapoua
mkapoua

Anna Westhoff go home...you're drunk.

dbk_s-dub
dbk_s-dub like.author.displayName 1 Like

I hope Kai Flanders didn't get fired when his down-syndrome ridden son wrote that review about Rush on take your kids to work day. 

simpleparrish
simpleparrish

Wings over Nickelback?  come on!  AND really, why is Jefferson Starship NOT on the list?

tylerblossom
tylerblossom

Hey, let's use the fact that we write for a top selling publication as soap box to bash things that may actually be quite good. At what point on this graph does jealousy and journalism intersect? Just because you consider yourself a yuppie and you attend all the underground new age functions doesn't give you the right to deem whatever you want as "the worst." I would not be so staunch about this article if I hadn't done a similar google search that went something like  "LA Weekly Top bands." Oh and hey look what a shocker, there was nothing about the best or brightest in the field. Only a smearing campaign of the worst. Okay, Eleanor Roosevelt, Small people talk about other people, but where are the best of the best? If you only tell me what's wrong or broken, you come off as a jaded, music aficionado who was let down by years of Nickelback albums...... WAIT NICKELBACK WASN'T IN YOUR TOP 20 WORST, BUT YOU CAN KNOCK LCD SOUNDSYSTEM??? Puh lease tell me more about how musically relevant the LA WEEKLY IS??????? Honestly, it is easy to get lost in the lime light. So I don't blame you for the years of drinking Cosmo's going to your head. But please, please, please do not get that confused with the Greek's Comsos. Disliking things that people like doesn't bring balance and most certainly does not make you the Sauron of the music and fashion world. (A word of advice, just because you don't like it doesn't mean it's not ground breaking.)

cthulu
cthulu

Yeah, I get that is a humorous article.  The problem is that it's not very humorous.


JoseMagnoJr
JoseMagnoJr

Oh c'mon everyone, get some perspective here. This OBVIOUSLY is an humorous website, consisting of blatantly partial opinions from those, so called, 'music critics'... you ought to see that on the footnote HA HA ¬¬.
I'm just saying that it is such an outrage to be paid to write this sort of critics, and it's even worse to actually publish it.
Don't think that I simply do not agree with this post, it's only that it seems that nothing that has been said here went through revision from people that one can actually give credit to, or else someone with rather pertinent thoughts.
But hey, I'm just one, no need to give me credit at all... Not that you deserve any.

Allichan93
Allichan93 like.author.displayName 1 Like

This list is based off of the opinions of each writer and therefore is not absolute truth for the "worst bands of all time." I may (and do) believe that this article is complete BS, but that's my opinion and the list is their opinion, so in the words of any indifferent teenager, "whatevs." Obviously everyone has their own music tastes, and if I compiled a list of the Top 20 Worst Bands, definitely rap and country singers would be dominating it since I do not particularly appreciate those genres. Anyways, carry on.

GSmygle
GSmygle like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 2 Like

Dear LA Weekly, 

Here is my list:

Louis Armstrong, Beethoven, Ohio Players, Fleetwood Mac, Tom Petty, The Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, Coltrane, BB King, Yingwe Malmsteen, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Jimi Hendrix, The Beatles, the Grateful Dead, MIchael Jackson, Stevie Wonder, the Ramones, Led Zeppelin, The Who, Pink Floyd.


Now that you know that I too, can be ironic and sound awesome, I will also take a job being a 'music critic.'  Now I require an office with all windows on the top floor and a record player without a needle, because I buy vinyl no one has heard of, but I don't know which end the music on the disc is...CD's were hard enough to learn.

Regards,

Pompous Asshole Who Obviously Knows GREAT Music Because I Get Paid To Say So.

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