Rock Bottom: The Five Worst Wrestling Themes of All Time

By Chaz Kangas Fri., Mar. 30 2012 at 4:30 AM

The American Males of "AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES!" fame.

See also: Rock Out With Your Lockout: 5 Awful Athlete Songs

Sunday is Wrestlemania 28, the WWE's annual sports-entertainment extravaganza. This year's card, headlined by The Rock vs. John Cena, is among the most anticipated of all time.

One of our favorite parts of the event is the spectacle of the superstars' entrances. While the greatest theme music, from Hulk Hogan's "Real American" to Steve Austin's glass-shattering, is fondly remembered as character-defining prime slices of Americana, the absolute worst are lost to the sands (or is that slams?) of time. We put the "sport of kings" in the Sharpshooter for a look at the five worst wrestling themes of all time.

5. "Just Look At Me"
Rob Conway - 2005

On one hand, we did appreciate the WWE trying something different than standard nu-metal for Rob Conway's entrance music. However, it can't be ignored how quickly a soft Randy Newman knock-off can turn a packed arena of rabid fans into absolute silence. Talented as Conway was, this song made wrestling fans rather not look at him.

4. "Here Come the Booty"
The Booty Man - 1996

Hulk Hogan's best friend Ed Leslie has played everything from a beloved wrestling barber to whatever the heck this was, but his worst gimmick is universally considered the one that revolved around his ass. While some clever points could be awarded for his signature move being the "high-knee" (get it? "hiney"), the world did not need to hear this man rap about his own butt. Ever.

3. "What'Chu Lookin' At"
X-Factor (performed by Uncle Kracker) - 2001

Licensing popular music can go a long way in rebranding a wrestler's character. It helped Hulk Hogan become a Hollywood egomaniac and the Undertaker transition from zombie to biker. Unfortunately, Uncle Kracker didn't do any favors for X-Pac, teaching us all that contemporary adult top-40 music will not make your gang very menacing.

Tags:

Uncle Kracker, Wrestlemania, WWE

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Duce630

Don't forget "Grab Them Cakes", Junkyard Dog's theme.

Marcus Vanderberg

American Males = Gold

ToruKun1

Oh please, ASS MAN is a timeless classic!

<< Work at home, $55/h, link

There are mighty few people who think what they think they think.

Jason Roche

Stunned by the lack of "He likes to beat people up, he likes to have fun, you know we're talking about BARRY WINDHAM!"

Chaz Kangas

Great call, but that whole era of WCW Slam Jam themes is a weird bunch. You can tell the exact same team worked on it, with mixed results. On one had you have the great "A Man Called Sting" theme, as well as Rick Rude's "Simply Ravashing." While I'll agree the Windham one is uninspired, I think the worst of these is probably "Steinerized." Of all the thinks you could say about the Steiner Brothers in 1992, they open the song with "They don't use drugs and they're always on top."

Harmoney91

This list is wrong. no Stephen Regal? I call BS.

Chaz Kangas

To be fair, I think the Stephen Regal theme suffers more from the horrible Titantron video and look of the character. The theme itself is a well made change of pace with a great attention-getting whistle in the beginning. Unfortunately it was accompanied by Regal dressed in a construction hat with a video of him squeezing his own orange juice. I couldn't justify blaming all that silliness on the theme alone.